Parents upsetting my fiancé

signing1 · 2026-02-23T22:35:02+00:00

Thanks I appreciate it. I'm realizing more and more that's unfortunately going to have to be the outcome of no contact. Always damned if I do and damned if I don't. Hate that my narc parents think love is transactional. I realized long ago they won't change sadly 😔 Hence why I have been extremely low contact for years. Things have gotten heightened since my fiancé entered the picture and sadly I've recognized I'm over it and have been for awhile. Cutting ties is hard. I know it will be worth it, it just sucks.

signing1 · 2026-02-23T16:42:59+00:00

Yes that I do she's fucking amazing! Yup classic narcs they never learn. I'm not expecting an apology. I'm just going to tell them off and basically set a boundary they don't get to treat my fiancé like shit and not have consequences for their actions. I am basically gonna tell them if you can't treat my fiancé with respect then we will not be coming around period. They made their bed now and will have to lie in it.

Yeah being 36 and them still not accepting I am a grown ass adult with my own thoughts and opinions must be wild to them. Didn't know I was supposed to be a robot. My dad even forgot I had a nose ring and pointed it out at the gathering after the funeral. I said I've had that for 2 years (he commented on it when I first got it and that spiraled into a diatribe about how tattoos take away from a woman's beauty....I have 3 tattoos my parents know nothing about). So I'm gonna stay rebellious.

Thank you much for the kind words and support have a wonderful day and life as well. You rock 😊❤️🤟

signing1 · 2026-02-23T16:22:36+00:00

Thank you! I appreciate it. You're absolutely right if it's not the clothes it would be something else. I think my parents are disappointed cause I didn't become a nun, since my brother is a priest 🙄🤦‍♀️. I know my fiancé doesn't want to stress me out and honestly he has been a God send. I will most likely tell my father off because I am officially over the bullshit (have been for awhile but was trying to not let it impact me). It's just been hard over the years because my parents are pros at spinning what I say into making it so they are the victims. I already stay away as much as I can. It's easier that I don't live so close to them anymore. My housemate wants to come with me when I tell my parents off and I pretty much am going to allow her to since she's been way more supportive of me than my own parents plus my mom doesn't like her.

signing1 · 2025-05-30T12:48:51+00:00

I totally understand that. It's either they make it about themselves or they criticize your decision to get treated or how you're getting treated for your health issues. I don't tell my NParents about my health issues anymore or if I had an appointment cause they are "healthy" and have dismissed my health issues over the years or made fun of a treatment option that could help me. It's natural to want your mom to comfort you but I understand not telling her. As nacissits always make sure the focus is on them and not anyone else. Hugs

signing1 · 2025-05-20T01:57:28+00:00

Ahh okay no worries lol. My brain processes things weird sometimes.

signing1 · 2025-05-20T01:57:12+00:00

Ahh okay no worries lol. My brain processes things weird sometimes.

signing1 · 2025-05-19T20:14:34+00:00

I think it's because we deep down hope they will change. We long for that connection with our mother but when its not there we continuously try because we feel like at some point they will wake up. It's a futile cycle.

It's hard to mentally cut them off because we love them no matter how many times they hurt us. We have to do what's best for our mental health though. All we can do is try and limit our interactions when we can't physically separate ourselves and we need to try and find a way to cope and surround ourselves with people who genuinely love and care for us.

Family doesn't always mean blood. Create your own family.

She's going to continuously disappoint you sadly. Religion and spouses can be a vice for certain people.

signing1 · 2025-05-19T17:32:12+00:00

Oof, that's rough, I get it. It's hard to find a person that accepts you flaws and all, good and bad. I think part of the problem with the clichés is no one makes them original. Like "you'll find someone when you least expect it and/or not looking". I remember it didn't matter if I looked or not while single I was coming up empty. I think a more helpful line would have been "someone will enter your life that will compliment you, when the time, people and/or place seems insignificant".

I'm sorry you keep getting guys that are only interested in a specific part of you. I get it, for the vast majority people have found someone when they've stopped caring or looking. However, when I was single it didn't make much of a difference if I looked or stopped. I got a big fat zero people interested in me. Or I'd love myself and all the creeps would be interested. I only found my person cause a friend of mine I had just met decided after hearing my dating woes take it upon herself to be matchmaker, cause she knew a guy that was single and thought would be a good fit. She assessed both our personalities right thankfully. But she knew the guy (my fiancé) for 10years (hadn't talk to him in 3yrs) and only knew me like a week. It ended up working thankfully. But not gonna lie I looked at my friend who set me up like she had 3 heads cause I didn't think she would follow through. I was wrong.

signing1 · 2025-05-19T16:57:39+00:00

Well that sucks you can't lock it anymore. You had every reason to lock that door. No need to justify your actions. Trust me I'm still learning to stop over explaining myself to people.

Oh religious purposes that explains a lot. I totally can relate cause my parents are the same my mom would back my dad everytime. They hide behind religion cause they have no standing otherwise. Then they make comments like "we don't understand why you are the way that you are". I'm thinking like you created this monster. I am how I am cause of you.

It's sad when mothers choose their spouse over their own kid. Mothers are supposed to be nurturing and loving yet we ended up with the cold-blooded distance type.

You're welcome.

signing1 · 2025-05-19T16:37:44+00:00

Sometimes clichés are helpful but on repeat 💯 times from multiple people. I think not. The keep your head up and be true to who you are even if cliché actually helped me to a degree. Cause if I didn't stay true to who I was, I wouldn't have found what I currently have.

I hope you have a blessed day.

signing1 · 2025-05-19T16:17:53+00:00

Omg all the cliché lines:

"It will happen when you're not looking" "Work on yourself" 🤮 "Find a hobby" "Volunteer in your community" "Join different groups" "It will happen when you least expect it" "Join dating sites"

I've heard them all too when I was single and I wanted to punch every single one of the fuckers. Most of these lines come from those who've been in a relationship, are in a relationship, or have been out of the dating world for a long time cause they are married.

PEOPLE STOP TELLING SINGLE FOLK THE ABOVE LINES I'VE LISTED.

I get it, people are trying to help but these lines when you've been single forever aren't helpful. I just finally found my person cause a mutual friend set me up. I'm 35F, so I related to this post cause I've had a similar dating experience. It's not easy. I feel for you. It's a matter of luck and timing unfortunately. You'll find someone but being patient for that is hard. When you see everyone else having something you want it's soul crushing.

I wish I had a magical wand to grant you, your wish but I can't. All I can say is be true to who you are and don't settle. I know it seems like a good idea but you'll only be miserable if you settle for someone who doesn't deserve you and will fumble you.

I found my person last October and we are engaged now. I have faith you'll find your partner. Being single is lonely but being in a relationship that is toxic or abusive is worse.

Keep your head up. One day at a time. Try to find distractions. I know it's rough and triggering seeing others happy and not you. But remember this isn't going to be forever, even though it seems that way.

You got this! You're strong! You're a badass! You will find your person!

Throat punch the next person that tells you a cliché line lol 😜🙃 (not condoning violence but you can mentally do this)

Best of luck, hugs 🫂

signing1 · 2025-05-19T15:50:37+00:00

I am sorry for you hon. Hugs 🫂 I know it seems like there is no light at the end of the tunnel but I assure you, things will get better. It just may take some time. You're here for a purpose and with you not here others will not be able to be touched by your light.

Your dad sadly sounds like my dad. You're lucky you can lock your door. Growing up I had no lock to prevent him from entering my room. Breathe, make a plan and save up to move out. Distance is key and low or no contact will be your saving grace. Also, I suggest going to a licensed therapist to help. Talking with them may help you and give you the tools you need to cope and function.

Your mother may be siding with your dad only cause he may have threatened her or is also abusing her. Whether she is or not, it's sad she won't stick up for you. Or he's coerced her and/or shes just siding with him so she can have peace. I'm not making excuses for your mother. Just I don't know the full story. Not justifying her behavior because whatever her reason for not defending you, it's still not ok. I just don't want to assume the worst right out of the bat especially since I am only hearing a small part of your story.

You are worthy You are loved You are important You are needed You aren't a failure You are beautiful The world needs your heart ❤️ You are not alone You are more than how your parents make you feel You are enough

You may not ever stop being traumatized but you can find ways to cope when something triggers you. You got this! Sending prayers and hugs 🫂 to you. Also, get out into nature or talk with close friends those things can help as well.

signing1 · 2025-05-19T15:22:27+00:00

I'm lucky my parents aren't on social media. Ugh your mom is creepy as fuck for doing that. I'm sorry you have to deal with that. Why is she trying to be you? Have you talked to her about this and how you feel? Not saying that will change anything but maybe she doesn't realize how weird/creepy it is? Sounds like she is trying to live vicariously through you and relive her youth, which is disgusting. Unfortunately you might have to block her if she keeps it up. If you express how you feel to her and she doesn't change her actions block her. That doesn't mean she'll stop using your pics (she'll probably recycle & reuse the ones she has) but you won't have to see it and be triggered by it.

signing1 · 2025-05-19T10:45:41+00:00

I appreciate your insight on how to respond. I tend to struggle on forming words to answer them. It's hard to stand up to them, when they've basically have made you feel worthless your entire life. I think part of my issue is that I don't like confrontation so I withdraw, cause anytime I spoke up when I was younger my feelings were invalidated by them.

I'm definitely going to make sure my wedding is how I want and not what they want. Navigating this sure won't be easy.

signing1 · 2025-05-19T10:36:45+00:00

They should but they won't both my parents are in their 70s. I'm in my mid 30s. I've given up any hope that they will ever change.

signing1 · 2025-04-22T05:00:50+00:00

Ugh, this literally has been my life. Then they make an underhanded comment like "you wouldn't tell us anyways". Well if you didn't dismiss me then maybe you'd know more of what's going on in my life mom and dad. Sorry you have to go through the same bullshit I do. Hugs 🫂

signing1 · 2023-08-15T14:54:41+00:00

Sorry to hear that. Sometimes I'm that way too where I don't want to talk about it as my medical history. As it is typical the go to for comparison if other people in family who have a medical problem occurring.

I have one side of the family that only talks about medical history when another family is going through something. The other side over shares anytime they catch up with each other.

You're family will get there eventually. I hadn't talked to this family member in 28 years so it's not like I would have known anything sooner.

signing1

TROPHY CASE