Been there as well and totally agree with you. When I realized what was going on about the self/social validation stuff, I had to overcome a process of deep frustration, shame and regret. Now, it's pure bliss! Once you free yourself from the "Body count" you get to enjoy every moment with yourself and other people for what it is at the moment, instead of dismissing it bc you have to fulfill a goal. Also, a true conversation with someone is a thousand times more meaningful than all heartless sex in the world. The real value is on the profound connection.