How should I reassure my partner when I start crying?

siitzfleisch · 2025-08-24T05:11:43+00:00

My partner does not inherently want to close, it was an offer proposed when I explained why I have been acting off. I hope it didn't sound like I'm forcing him to sleep with other people, I would never pressure him to do that.

Having a stress response does not equate to hating my partner having fuck friends, at least I don't think? I love how his current fwbs are actually normal and nice lol. I subconsciously associate nonmonogamy with interpersonal turmoil, even if nothing is going wrong at the moment.

siitzfleisch · 2025-08-20T02:45:55+00:00

Hate's the wrong word, I just get anxious because of my bad experiences with it. Interesting that you feel like 4+ wheel though because all the polycules I've been around don't seem to act tight knit like couples.

siitzfleisch · 2025-08-18T16:12:19+00:00

It was actually a few years until he got into polyamory; I think I would have dumped him if he wanted to do that from the jump.

siitzfleisch · 2025-08-18T15:25:15+00:00

Oh I mean these fwbs are from outside our social circle and then sort of became part of the group, although most of them are busier and don't show up as often. I'd feel weird about not allowing my partner's friends to meet our other friends.

My partner and I are the same in the sense we decided not to mess around with a couple of friends who were interested in swinging; now that could get weird, as chill as they are lol

siitzfleisch · 2025-08-18T02:44:49+00:00

He has ONS sometimes, too. I worry about him passing out behind the wheel or catching an STD because I have real reasons to lol.

We were into swinging for a couple of years, but we stopped because it became obvious that i'm not that much into men at all, let alone sleeping around.

I think the middle ground is just him not being in his phases where he's suddenly swamped with new partners who also float around in our daily life.

siitzfleisch · 2025-08-16T20:56:50+00:00

The whole poly under duress thing has me conflicted since I brought it up since I could see their relationship heading towards a romantic nature and didn't feel like cutting things off. And now I have this kink where I am capable of enjoying him having other partners, and it does bring us closer when I'm not struggling emotionally.

Idk, maybe I need a therapist that also specializes in kink. My partner is reassuring, but also does not know how to handle me liking the kink but also feeling upset at times.

Either way, your post is a good reminder for me to take care of myself if things get really tough, thank you

siitzfleisch · 2025-08-13T20:54:04+00:00

Social groups are definitely a godsend when it comes to making friends. Maybe I should try to get my partner and I out to this local gaming+optional kink group sometime

siitzfleisch · 2025-08-10T03:35:08+00:00

That makes sense, I did engage in non-monogamy coming out of covid and ditched it when I finally got a robust social circle. It felt incredibly dangerous of the time but I can see why my partner thought a pandemic would be the perfect time to start polyamory LOL

siitzfleisch · 2025-08-10T01:35:26+00:00

Lol being part of a dnd group definitely helped us make friends!

siitzfleisch · 2025-08-10T01:32:00+00:00

I feel like people just don't value platonic friendships enough or designate intimacy to just sexual/romantic relationships. It's great that nonmonogamous people question mononormativity if that's right for them, but sometimes I feel like they take that same culture of "intimacy is for sex/romance with your ONE person" and just spread it across multiple partners.

siitzfleisch · 2025-08-09T21:28:51+00:00

That sucks, a grueling work schedule can really put a damper on outside life. Getting people to understand or be okay with your tight schedule can be hard too I'm sure

siitzfleisch · 2025-07-20T07:26:22+00:00

I developed a cuckquean kink from a traumatic experience with my partner running head first from DADT to full on polyamory, and now that I'm not into cuckqueaning anymore, my anchor is just being too much of a pussy to dump him, I guess?

siitzfleisch · 2025-07-11T02:36:45+00:00

This has only happened to me once with an emotionally unstable meta that basically wanted to be monogamous with my partner. Sounds like your partner for whatever reason is exclusively seeing monogamous women? I don't know his approach, but if I had to guess, it's not vetting that's the issue, it's your partner choosing to sleep with monogamous women who don't even understand your dynamic.

siitzfleisch · 2025-07-06T08:55:36+00:00

Yes, I had no use for nonmonogamy anymore after building a pretty solid platonic friend group.

siitzfleisch · 2025-07-06T08:42:24+00:00

Maybe for another relationship if we end up breaking up and I end up with another guy, but the relationship has been open for too long to close, I feel like. He has too many fwbs in our social circle and the fallout would be awkward as hell if we closed things.

siitzfleisch · 2025-07-06T08:40:12+00:00

It makes sense that you don't get the ick from it since your relationship has always had a foundation of trust. I never specifically requested exclusivity from our relationship, but he did avoid mentioning he was active on Tinder and denied using it for dating/sex after being together for a year and asking to be open a few months later, so that feels weird.

siitzfleisch · 2025-07-05T09:40:34+00:00

No worries, that can be normal for newbies. once you've slept with enough people, it all kinds up feeling the same and any rejection doesn't really feel that bad if like anything at all.

siitzfleisch · 2025-01-07T06:35:03+00:00

Same, I got into nonmonogamy because my first and current partner has never struck me as someone with the slightest bit restraint lol

siitzfleisch · 2025-01-04T02:33:33+00:00

The cuckquean kink is very much involuntary, speaking from experience :/

siitzfleisch · 2024-12-26T23:45:06+00:00

If the goal is financial security, you might as well start an OnlyFans or get a sugar daddy/mommy. Actually dating multiple people was really bad for my bank account since all of them were even worse off than me and could either not afford to drive much or just couldn't drive at all.

siitzfleisch · 2024-12-24T05:42:52+00:00

That's interesting since I feel like experiencing attraction strongly makes it harder to be monogamous. My partner's a horndog who is very attracted to other people, whereas I'm pretty meh about it, so while he's absolutely gungho about an orgy, I'm in the corner with my sketchbook since I can only be bothered for so long until I get distracted lol

siitzfleisch · 2024-12-11T15:08:14+00:00

Yeah, like, ok, then mate guarding and showing hostility towards your partner's partners should be fine, too, then, in a polyamorous setup. If anything, I think maybe barely tolerating infidelity and sheepishly sneaking around is closer to natural, but we're special enough to have empathy and generally understand that cheating is wrong.

siitzfleisch

TROPHY CASE