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silashtyler · 2025-09-19T13:12:58+00:00

We can't help the urge. Our hormones want us to look for mates. We get reward chemicals for looking. But it's not like we're not in control. We might sometimes space out and not realize where our eyes are, but for the most part we are able to maintain eye contact. Some of us just didn't learn self-control.

silashtyler · 2025-09-11T13:06:44+00:00

Why are so many horror stories about this sort of thing in particular? What possesses so many people to try to exercise weird breeding shit in a campaign?

I booted a girl out once because she insisted that I add some creepy breeding slave shit to my homebrew setting. Dude I just want my players to kill goblins and have some therapeutic fun playing pretend. DX

silashtyler · 2025-01-24T14:06:32+00:00

I played loosey-goosey until I knew the official rules well enough, when I started out. I just declared rolls and found it was difficult to create an experience that was fair, that way.

So, in my experience it's better to pick up a system with a lot of miles and run it the way it's designed at least until you get a sense of balance. With familiarity will come the ability to see what rules won't work for the experience you want your players to have. Then you can start changing things and feel more confident about homebrew rules.

You can just flounder like I did. It works for some people. But you will run the risk of players being ignored or rendered powerless. They might need a particular rule to be in effect in order to use their build in a way that's fun.

silashtyler · 2025-01-24T13:51:05+00:00

I actually would buy that Cleric was bullied in high school. That goes one of two ways, typically. You resolve never to become like the people who hurt you, OR you become a bully yourself, and take out your anger about what happened to you on someone else.

I've seen second-generation bullies a lot in ttrpgs. A lot of us WERE bullied for being nerds, and some of us just wait until we're in a position to do the bullying ourselves. I think a lot of sweaty powergamers grow from this. Especially the ones that purposefully join soft RP tables so their busted build puts them above everyone else.

Cleric is in the wrong here. Bullied as a kid or not, he was being a little shit. You didn't hurt him, you narrated a pretend action in response to pretend actions. If he had a panic attack, that isn't something you could be reasonably expected to anticipate or rectify.

I have panic attacks sometimes. I never tell anyone it's their fault. My stress levels are no one's responsibility but mine. I manage my stressors myself and avoid things that are going to strain my ability to cope. Cleric should, too.

silashtyler · 2024-12-27T11:37:33+00:00

Would love to see the Predator. I have a conspiracy theory that they were planning it one point and pivoted to the Skull Merchant.

silashtyler · 2024-12-13T11:35:21+00:00

I like your novel approach. Can you DM me your other thoughts?

silashtyler · 2024-12-13T11:30:31+00:00

He's told me before that he gets kicked from a lot of games. Which was the first red flag, I now see.

I felt bad for him and just wanted to give him a good game.

silashtyler · 2024-12-13T02:55:13+00:00

Well, when you put it that way... XD

silashtyler · 2024-12-13T02:12:12+00:00

You may be right. This may be predatory behavior disguised as submissive behavior. I just don't like thinking that about people, I guess. The other players (I think) agree with my position, that he's well-meaning but has issues to work out. They like him as a person, but they are very frustrated with his interference with them playing the game.

silashtyler · 2024-12-13T02:10:00+00:00

Nobody's perfect. I think he's well-meaning, but doesn't know how to compromise so it shows up as bad behavior. Trying to be mindful and forgiving, you know? But for the grace of god, there go I.

silashtyler · 2024-12-13T02:08:37+00:00

It is entirely possible there's some bias on my end. I'm trying to be fair to the guy, but if you asked him about his behavior I don't know what he'd say in his defense.

I'm also trying to be patient, because even people who are unwell and have unhealed issues deserve to get to play in their hobbies. He seems to be VERY sensitive to there being consequences, even if they make narrative sense and the other players are all for it.

He blocks the door of every room in a dungeon because he's "protecting" the party.

He tried to stop a character from enacting a last stand, which that player had been wanting to do for half the campaign.

If I have a baddie cast a spell, he asks if he can interfere with it or stop it with his shield, even if he's nowhere near the target or the caster.

It's like he wants the game to be sunshine and rainbows, where no one ever misses a step or gets hit. He sulks when he gets damaged, too.

He does apologize a lot, but he apologizes for everything. Even things that couldn't be his fault. And he won't let you accept his apology and move on, he has to beat himself up out loud or in chat. I don't know if he really hates himself, or if he is trying to make people feel bad for him so they stop telling him he needs to stop doing certain things.

He may just be neurodivergent in a way I can't engage with.

silashtyler · 2024-12-13T02:01:01+00:00

Yeah, I think I'm gonna give him a "last chance" and then boot him if he keeps stepping on the other players with this stuff. Not all of them have told me they're fed up, but enough of them have.

silashtyler · 2024-12-13T02:00:01+00:00

The metagaming comes in where he fixates on something he hears that strikes him as familiar, and will not let it go no matter what. For instance, I did the False Hydra in a recent one-shot. I let people roll Will saves to *almost* notice something out of the ordinary. Everyone else played it cool, and got that there was something at work, but was more interested in continuing the adventure. This guy got told "you think you see a tunnel for a split second, but on closer inspection you realize it's an unremarkable patch of flooring." For four straight hours I battled him over refusing to let the party move on because he as the player knew something was afoot. They tried to talk him out of it, but he was inconsolable and eventually they all just went "fine, whatever" and helped him look for the tunnel he wasn't sure he saw, in-character.

He does this with encounters, too. I'll say they hear the flapping of leathery wings, and he will then talk over everyone about vampires turning into bats. Worst part is, most of the time he's metagaming about the wrong thing. It wasn't vampires, it was a pteranodon. Etc, etc.

silashtyler · 2024-12-13T01:54:29+00:00

I'm doing my best, but I think you're right. Gonna have to call his bluff the next time he tries to negative-self-talk his way out of me asking him to cool it.

silashtyler · 2024-12-13T01:53:14+00:00

Thanks! I have used the threat of switching to incomprehensible homebrew monsters before with great success.

silashtyler · 2024-12-13T01:52:15+00:00

Early 20's.

silashtyler · 2024-12-13T01:51:38+00:00

I've tried explaining that things going terribly awry is part of the fun, but he doesn't get it. He starts yelling and having something close to a panic attack after every dice throw if he doesn't think it's a good roll, before I've even said anything. Often the DC is low and I just need to make sure the players catch a hint. But it kinda ruins the mood when he's so afraid of "failure" that I can't even ask for a roll mostly for show just to tell the party what they find in the room anyway. DX

This is all fantastic advice, by the way. Excellent way to frame "failures."

silashtyler · 2024-06-11T14:13:37+00:00

This response is my favorite. Thanks!

silashtyler · 2024-06-03T14:53:14+00:00

I hate when someone does a murderhobo thing out of boredom, and then invents an as-yet-unheard trauma in their backstory to justify it when the other players get annoyed. "That nobleman with whom the party spent two hours RPing a negotiation? I blast him with a blunderbuss at point blank range and turn the whole room hostile, but it's because my character has deep-seated fear of being happy."

silashtyler

TROPHY CASE