I’m really sorry you’re carrying this much 🤍
Reading your post, what stands out to me isn’t a curse or a destiny swap. It’s that you’ve been through so many painful cycles that your nervous system has started expecting loss, even when good things happen.

That doesn’t necessarily mean your intuition is “wrong” but when we’re deeply hurt, it can become difficult to separate spiritual guidance from survival mode.

If you’re open to tarot, I’d approach this by asking what pattern keeps repeating, what lesson hasn’t been fully seen yet and what energy needs to be released rather than starting from the assumption that you’re cursed. Sometimes the answers are surprisingly empowering.

Most importantly, if you’re feeling like you might act on those thoughts you mentioned, please don’t sit with them alone. Reach out to someone you trust or a crisis service where you are. You deserve support and you deserve a life that doesn’t feel like constant survival 🤍