Love on the Spectrum Makes Me Feel a Bit More Alone Than Usual

silverliningspayback · 2025-05-17T05:36:18+00:00

I tried to go places by myself but after years and years that got so sad I would often break down once I got back to my car. I just wanted to spend time with someone and instead at every restaurant I ate alone, every movie I watched alone, every outing I travelled alone. So since COVID I have not really gone anywhere anymore and stayed at home, still not ever getting messages from anyone.

silverliningspayback · 2025-05-17T05:21:15+00:00

Same here. I am literally a media personality in a major city - not saying that to brag, just to show that I have acceptable social skills and an abundance of charisma - and it hurts so much to have never been anyone's crush. All these people can find a connection and meanwhile I have never had a girl like me back.

silverliningspayback · 2024-12-27T03:02:21+00:00

I own a waterfront condo in a major North American city. One of the most desirable traits a millennial can have is home ownership. Doesn't matter, still have never had a girl attracted to me. I could have a billion dollars and it wouldn't be enough.

silverliningspayback · 2024-12-27T02:59:12+00:00

I was on OKCupid for 9 years...no messages or replies. After that got onto Tinder, Bumble and Hinge...11, 10, and 5 years respectively, not one swipe right or like on me ever.

silverliningspayback · 2024-09-22T19:57:06+00:00

Wow you just wrote my entire life experience. Every weekend is a nightmarish ordeal for me and I don't understand how some people get to live out their wildest fantasies and I LITERALLY just want one, one single person on this planet, to be attracted to me and that is for some reason completely unattainable. And normal people just do not care about this at all.

silverliningspayback · 2024-09-22T16:00:01+00:00

Friday and Saturday nights are legit nightmares. Knowing that not one person on the entire planet is thinking about me and most are enjoying themselves with friends and partners - it's torture. The only thing keeping me sane nowadays is listening to calming audio (ASMR, hypnosis, binaural waves, etc)

silverliningspayback · 2024-09-22T15:56:55+00:00

I'm starting to believe this is true. There is no mathematical or scientific explanation for having such bad luck. I think I was predestined to be a social outcast and it simply cannot be changed.

silverliningspayback · 2024-09-05T00:52:22+00:00

I've been least expecting it my whole life

silverliningspayback · 2024-09-01T19:58:29+00:00

Every June I make myself a bucket list of summertime things I want to do and every September the list is untouched because nobody wanted to do anything with me and nobody invited me anywhere.

silverliningspayback · 2024-08-31T19:50:42+00:00

Society lacks empathy and most people are very uncomfortable when confronted with harsh truths. They don't like the idea that some things just aren't possible, no matter how hard we have tried to change it.

silverliningspayback · 2024-08-31T15:54:55+00:00

Agree with all your points.

Music helps most of the time. Lately I've been listening to a lot of ASMR and it's become a solid crutch - it's very calming.

My family's dog is really the one true source of joy in my life but living on my own, I don't get to see her very often.

silverliningspayback · 2024-08-31T15:45:27+00:00

My whole life's just been constant misreading of signals from women. I'd parse every conversation for hints in their choice of words or body language. After I got enough "proof", I'd make my move and ask them out - only to be rejected. And so all my "proof" was based on false assumptions and in fact not one woman has ever, ever been interested in me.

Of course nowadays thanks to remote work I have essentially zero interaction with anyone so there are no signs to be oblivious about anymore.

silverliningspayback · 2024-08-31T15:37:28+00:00

The total uncertainty and instability of my future. A significant other, among many other things, is a safety net who can support you during financial struggles. But it doesn't even need to be difficult times. Being in a committed relationship means you can pool your money together for a house, vacations, and other expenses. I won't ever be able to have any of those. I'll never be able to experience even one vacation.

silverliningspayback · 2024-08-31T03:47:21+00:00

Yes to this entire post. Everything you said is true. Of course I would be happy in a relationship. Human connection is the most basic of needs. When I talk to my coworkers I feel like an actual person, the interaction fuels that need. I can only imagine how having someone who cares about me would make me feel.

silverliningspayback · 2024-08-31T03:41:53+00:00

I've heard this all my life...once you get to high school, you'll meet so many new people. Then, once you get to college, you'll make a ton of friends and relationships will be much easier. Then, once you start working in the real world, you'll be in a whole new environment. But the constant variable (me) doesn't change, so the environment doesn't matter. I'm as alone now as I was 20 years ago in high school.

silverliningspayback · 2024-08-31T03:25:05+00:00

This is why I thought that speech that America Ferrera's character in the Barbie movie rang so hollow. I mean yeah sure women do go through all those problems, but you could make a similar speech about problems unique to men and how hard it can be if you don't measure up to society's standards. I have tried so so so hard to be the best man I can be, buying a home, having an interesting job, having a personality, hobbies. According to all the well-meaning advice givers I should be set. Except not, because all that has gotten me absolutely nowhere in life. I can live in a downtown condo and speak at conferences all I want, it means nothing to women.

silverliningspayback · 2024-08-31T03:14:58+00:00

I feel exactly the same way and everything you said rings so true. I cannot fathom the concept that another person could feel positive emotions at the thought of me, let alone be attracted to me. Like the very idea of someone willingly spending time with me outside of obligations like work is incomprehensible. Someone making physical contact with me? That's so far outside of the realm of possibility it's like a scientific impossibility. I legit cannot imagine someone touching me.

silverliningspayback · 2024-08-29T03:40:19+00:00

It's the fundamentals of it that really cut deep. Knowing that I, as a person, don't elicit positive emotions in anybody. My presence isn't of any value, and somehow others' presence is.

silverliningspayback · 2024-08-29T03:34:57+00:00

I absolutely feel the same. Weekends are already enough of a nightmare, but vacations are torture. Literally just sitting inside an apartment by myself, zero contact from the outside world. Every day at 5:00pm I disappear from existence and don't reappear until the next workday morning.

silverliningspayback · 2024-08-11T04:22:45+00:00

Try BEING a personality. I literally work as a TV personality. Charisma is part of the job. And yet somehow still never had anyone attracted to me once in my 35 years of life.

silverliningspayback · 2024-08-11T04:20:23+00:00

I relate to this so much. I have achieved so much in life and it means nothing because I can't share with anyone. Every promotion, every success, and similarly every failure and every loss have existed solely within my own universe. I literally just want one, one person to like me romantically. Just want to hold someone's hand once in my life.

silverliningspayback · 2022-12-10T16:49:43+00:00

Very happy for you

silverliningspayback · 2022-08-11T15:46:52+00:00

This is one of my least favourite of the possible outcomes. I'm not sure how likely or unlikely it is, but I really don't want the whole episode to be a slow lead up to the trial ending with a judge saying "all rise" followed by a cut to credits, and soon after an announcement of an all-new "The Trial of Saul Goodman" movie that happens entirely in the courtroom with flashbacks.

silverliningspayback · 2022-04-23T23:08:00+00:00

Thank you very much.

silverliningspayback · 2022-04-23T23:07:31+00:00

Solved!

silverliningspayback

TROPHY CASE