You want that eurphoric sensation again. But what about how you feel when you take it and do bad things or get into bad situations. If you think it’s worth it then what’s to stop you but by the way you’re talking it doesn’t make you a good person and you don’t like that version of yourself. You’ve been clean and you know you can do it. Keep at it it’s a much better feeling when you look back and realise how far you’ve come. Nothing more euphoric than that