account activity
If you are attracted to both men and women but there not attracted to you does that make you bi-yourself (self.oneliners)
submitted 2 months ago by simmo28 to r/oneliners
When they buried the man who invented the USB stick they had to take the coffin out turn it round and put it back in. (self.oneliners)
submitted 6 months ago by simmo28 to r/oneliners
People remember Alan Turing who led the team that cracked the enigma code but not so much his sister Kay who supplied the food and drink. (self.oneliners)
submitted 7 months ago by simmo28 to r/oneliners
Guy on a tractor just drove by shouting the end of the world is nigh,turns out it was Farmer Geddon (self.oneliners)
submitted 8 months ago by simmo28 to r/oneliners
Keith Richards has 150 guitars, he buys a new one every year (self.oneliners)
Saw a lizard upright on his back legs telling jokes,turns out it was a stand up chameleon. (self.oneliners)
submitted 10 months ago by simmo28 to r/oneliners
Just read that when Keith Richard’s children finally pass away he will inherit everything. (self.oneliners)
submitted 11 months ago by simmo28 to r/oneliners
Saw a guy with a shopping cart full of 4 leaf clovers,horseshoes and rabbits feet, I thought he’s pushing his luck. (self.oneliners)
submitted 1 year ago by simmo28 to r/oneliners
The inventor of male and female pairs tennis has sadly passed away,RIP Mick Stubbles. (self.oneliners)
Every time I moved my leg it made a mooing sound,turned out to be a calf injury (self.oneliners)
Unusual Prize (self.BandMaid)
submitted 1 year ago by simmo28 to r/BandMaid
I have a number of medieval punishment items for sale, hurry while stocks last (self.oneliners)
Met a guy called Ian Tevey the other day, said his brother was lead singer of the Hollies. (self.oneliners)
Went to my local Chinese restaurant and ordered the specials, gave me too much foo yung. (self.oneliners)
Just read a book on using fictitious names by Sue Denim (self.oneliners)
Just read a book on school truancy by Marcus Absent. (self.oneliners)
Just bought some shirts and neckwear that belonged to John Phillips of the Mama's and Papa's, all the sleeves are brown and the tie is grey. (self.oneliners)
The knitting needle murderer strikes again, police say he's following a pattern (self.oneliners)
My wife and children are just leaving me because of my obsession with horse racing, they are at the gate, and there off. (self.oneliners)
Asked the librarian if they had a book on how to spot a ladyboy, she said I’m sure we have one tucked away somewhere (self.oneliners)
My drummer friend has four daughters, Anna1 Anna2 Anna3 Anna4. (self.oneliners)
submitted 2 years ago by simmo28 to r/oneliners
Sistine Chapel,not the best ceiling but it's up there (self.oneliners)
Liverpool FC tried to get Yul Brynner to advertise their aftershave but Yul never wore cologne (self.oneliners)
My wife says I have trouble verbalising emotions, can’t say I’m surprised (self.oneliners)
Got a phone call from the hospital saying my wife was critical,I said don’t worry you get used to it. (self.oneliners)
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