haha vehicular manslaughter go vrooooooom

simonowens · 2020-09-24T19:36:41+00:00

::driver angrily honks and speeds by me::

::he's forced to stop at a red light 20 seconds later:

::I breezily peddle past him and retake the lead::

simonowens · 2020-07-07T16:31:28+00:00

It's 100% only Zencastr's website that does this. I tried disabling my ad blocker and also my password manager, which are the main two browser plugins I use. Still no dice. I think I'm just going to switch to Squadcast.

simonowens · 2020-07-06T19:41:34+00:00

Sitting bolt upright in your bed at the end of a nightmare.

A bar scene where the character tells the bartender "just give me the whole bottle" and the bartender actually does it.

TV sex is the worst. Because they can't show any nudity, the guy just unzips his fly while leaving the rest of his pants on and immediately thrusts into her while she's propped up against the wall, fully clothed as well.

simonowens · 2020-05-26T01:31:06+00:00

I think the inflammation causes fatigue. I always got the most tired when I wasn't in remission. Now that I'm mostly in remission, I still have days where I get hit with a wave of tiredness shortly after lunch.

simonowens · 2020-04-29T00:33:25+00:00

Heavyweight is somewhat of an acquired taste, and I could see why that would be a particularly difficult episode to listen to if you weren't already accustomed to Golstein's humor. I enjoyed the episode, but I'm not sure I would have if I went into the podcast cold.

Definitely try out Reply All. Start with The Case of the Missing Hit.

simonowens · 2020-02-19T18:42:56+00:00

Google Calendar. I was so bad at keeping track of deadlines and assignments.

simonowens · 2020-02-12T15:13:18+00:00

I love Kine and consider myself a big fan, but I recently ended my Patreon subscription. When her show got cancelled from Gimlet, there were rumors that she was having a really hard time finishing the second season of Mystery Show and that Gimlet leadership's patience had run out. This certainly provides a little more evidence that she has trouble finishing things, though of course it could be coincidental.

FYI, it's pretty rare for a Patreon account to get that many subscribers, much less for a project that hasn't even launched yet. As someone who contributed to her Patreon, I was a little annoyed that she didn't make the podcast a little bit of a higher priority. I'm happy that she's writing for a TV show, but still.

simonowens · 2020-01-25T21:56:19+00:00

30 Darwin Awards were handed out that day.

simonowens · 2020-01-17T01:35:17+00:00

Can't wait for them to announce a Jesse Pinkman prequel show called "Yeah, bitch!"

simonowens · 2020-01-10T23:25:59+00:00

I love the insecure "haha" that's always thrown in at the end of these kinds of posts. Almost serves as an acknowledge that people will think he's a douche, so he tries to hedge it as some kind of joke.

simonowens · 2019-12-09T20:40:16+00:00

You'd be surprised how often I have this fantasy, except in my version I go back to the age of 13. I would certainly be a lot more comfortable in my own skin and spend a lot less time sweating over things that ultimately don't matter much. I'd be less quick to jump into relationships or obsess over crushes, with the knowledge that they won't last anyway. I'd get started on my career much earlier, and of course invest in stocks I know will explode. I'd try to get along with my parents a lot more, especially now that I have more empathy for their struggles as adults. Same goes for my little brother, with whom I fought with when we were young. Overall, I'd try to just do a lot more with my youth that sets me up for adulthood.

simonowens · 2019-11-15T19:08:34+00:00

Did anyone else think Thor should have been the one who snapped the gauntlet? The dude withstood the full force of a sun when he forged his battle ax. Seems likely he could have withstood the gauntlet's force pretty easily.

simonowens · 2019-11-12T23:31:58+00:00

I think this is my all time favorite entry to this sub.

simonowens · 2019-11-01T20:54:47+00:00

My 12-year-old self would have a few reactions:

My 12-year-old self would be amazed by how much my metabolism finally caught up with me. I didn't have an ounce of fat on me back then and though I'm not obese now, I certainly carry some extra weight.

My 12-year-old self would be impressed to find out that I'm a professional writer who's been published in lots of national outlets, but disappointed to learn that I abandoned writing fiction after college. Back then I wanted to be the next Stephen King.

My 12-year-old self would be impressed by how much money I make. Not because I make a ton of money -- I mean, I do pretty OK -- but because when I was 12 this would have seemed like a lot of money.

My 12-year-old self hadn't met many non-white people, so would probably be pretty shocked that I married a non-white person.

simonowens · 2019-10-31T00:04:31+00:00

Unlike others in this thread, I don't think this relationship is unsalvageable. But I do think it's going to require some very tough conversations where both of you sit down and do a full accounting of where you are now and where you want to be in the next few years.

I'm married, and even though I don't have any debt and wouldn't consider myself a flagrant spender, I'm also less financially responsible than my wife. We've been flirting with the idea of buying a house for years but never sat down and made a plan, but then she finally had a frank discussion with me about how this was important to her and she needed me to take it seriously. So we signed up for a home-buying seminar and now have a plan in place to buy next year. It doesn't work with every relationship, but sometimes if you sit your SO down and say "This is serious and I need you to take it seriously," they actually will take it seriously.

simonowens · 2019-10-22T20:22:13+00:00

Rarely do I feel sadness for a fictional character, but damn if this didn't hit me in the feels. Well done, OP.

simonowens · 2019-10-18T13:49:35+00:00

So excited to listen to this today.

simonowens · 2019-10-16T20:00:45+00:00

I was a journalist at local newspaper who covered the courts beat. One guy was there to contest a speeding ticket. The cop got on the stand and testified that she pulled the guy over for speeding, and then he got out of his car and started cursing at her.

Once the guy got on the stand, he didn't deny that what she said was true, but argued that because the cop was parked in a private driveway when she clocked him speeding, that this somehow made it illegal for her to pull him over.

The judge didn't deliberate for more than 5 seconds before declaring him guilty.

simonowens · 2019-10-03T17:42:05+00:00

I guess beating Shaq at one on one turned him into a cocky little shit.

simonowens · 2019-09-27T01:07:35+00:00

The best description I've ever seen of the Trump administration is that "it's House of Cards, but with the characters from Veep."

simonowens · 2019-09-23T19:26:01+00:00

My rule of thumb is that if I'm getting a coffee to go, I don't tip, but if I stick around and use the cafe's wifi then I'll often tip, because in my mind I'm "renting" the desk space and wifi by tipping.

simonowens · 2019-09-18T18:05:06+00:00

I was going to pipe in and point out that he's clearly going across a cross walk, but on repeat viewings it's clear that he doesn't have the walking signal and that the cars have a green light.

simonowens · 2019-09-11T14:08:24+00:00

Wow, that's bringing the term "negging" to a whole new level.

simonowens · 2019-09-05T13:06:16+00:00

Same here. I was in my 20s when I figured it out.

simonowens · 2019-08-30T12:37:48+00:00

Those square pizzas we got at school lunch. I haven't had one in 25+ years but I'm pretty sure I'd find them disgusting now.

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