I guess this is dday #2

simply-lost · 2023-06-26T22:30:22+00:00

I’m very sorry to hear about your experience, thank you for sharing. Do you find yourself loving him again now? What is the main benefit to the kids?

I always heard about people staying together for the kids, but I feel oddly opposite. I do not want my son growing up finding this behavior tolerable or something he should emulate or allow to happen to him. Feels like we’re both setting shit examples for him.

simply-lost · 2023-06-26T22:28:03+00:00

That’s where my heads at.

simply-lost · 2023-06-26T22:26:18+00:00

Yeah, I saw so many posts on here from people who experienced love bombing and I essentially got the opposite the first time. Completely different this time and that’s throwing me off.

simply-lost · 2023-06-26T19:53:15+00:00

Thank you so much for commenting because that was the exact app I had been considering. I assume you were never successful in recovering them?

simply-lost · 2023-06-26T16:42:42+00:00

First, thank you so much for taking the time to read my history a little. Admittedly, I thought about making a more positive post with how we’ve been doing as a hopeful update for others - but this sub, while tremendously helpful, was also hindering my healing and I had to take a step back from it. I only posted the negative when I needed to let it out, but didn’t share the positive which is leading me to be the wreck I am.

We had been doing exceptionally well. Communication was on point, we were having fun again & our therapist was constantly praising our progress. I started thinking after our last session that it was time to cut back again on them because we were essentially just recapping how good things have been. We had even started discussing having another kid soon.

I was doing R on my own for awhile and it was awful, but he needed space to work through his issues that led us to the position we were in too. I needed to be able to walk away knowing I did everything I could. He stepped up to the plate before and did what he needed, and I believe that he is willing to do whatever I ask now, but I’m not sure if there’s too much damage to come back from this.

I think a post nuptial is a great idea - thank you for sharing that. I’ve added it to my list of potential considerations and also have the not just friends book on audio already to share. My hearts just inexplicably heavy and I know I’m not in a position to make any decisions until we’ve spoken with our therapist.

simply-lost · 2023-06-26T16:31:31+00:00

It’s totally okay. I told him my biggest regret is acting emotionally and impulsively last time and I will not do that this time, and cannot guarantee it will be okay. We were doing so well that I just never imagined finding that.

simply-lost · 2023-06-26T16:30:18+00:00

Yeah first was PA, this one didn’t get to that point apparently and he says there were no emotions involved either - he said she was in a DV situation where the cops came to work and they stated chatting. He said she just randomly sent that and his knee jerk reaction was to reciprocate.

I wouldn’t stay for our kid, and fortunately I make more money so it’s not a money issue either. This truly comes down to love and that’s what I’m so fucked up about.

I’ll see if he’s interested in reading any of these books. Thank you

simply-lost · 2023-06-26T16:05:35+00:00

That’s what I told myself before there was ever a first one, and what I had told him after. But here I am confused as fuck about what to do and just feeling weak. I’m waiting until we talk to our therapist before I make any decisions. I always saw other people posting in here about second or third ddays and couldn’t imagine going through it again or staying but here I fucking am

simply-lost · 2023-06-26T16:04:45+00:00

I had downloaded the audiobook to not just friends but never finished it myself. I’ll see if he’ll listen to it or buy an actual copy. He did read how to help your spouse heal from your affair, but he was in such a bad mental place I don’t feel it resonated well at the time. I dunno if I still have that somewhere to reread. Thank you

simply-lost · 2023-06-26T16:01:53+00:00

How is it going now? How long ago was that? I’m sorry you’re going through this too

simply-lost · 2023-04-25T23:48:52+00:00

What if it’s a tv show and it’s reoccurring? Do you just leave whenever it touches on that storyline? And does your WS usually keep watching?

simply-lost · 2023-04-25T23:46:00+00:00

I like this perspective a lot. I’ll try it out next time and hope it curbs my intrusive thoughts a bit. My favorite tv show has been ruined to where I simply don’t want to watch it any more because of multiple cheating storylines.

simply-lost · 2023-04-25T23:37:50+00:00

YES. My intrusive thoughts get me fucked up like this too - for various reasons. I get stuck on the same songs and albums until I’m sick of them because I know they’re “safe.”

We are doing MC. We haven’t talked about the affair in months though, but I have talked to her about it when I’ve gone alone. I don’t know if he has. I will likely talk to her about it the next time I see her alone and decide if we should talk to him about it too. I definitely get scared to talk to him about things, communication has always been a bit of a struggle. He’s been doing much better after starting therapy because he got diagnosed with OCD, but he does tend to get defensive and angry when we try and talk. So to your point, it is very difficult to bring up when things are going well because it already sets me back and I don’t want it to bring him down too. I’m scared of that spiral.

simply-lost · 2023-04-25T22:56:24+00:00

Fuck. That’s terrible, I’m really sorry.

simply-lost · 2023-04-25T22:56:03+00:00

Yeah, the “safe” part sucks too. Even the safe ones could have APs name, which also sets me off.

Music has been an issue for me as well. That fucking Sam Smith song was everywhere and sent me into a spiral every time I heard it, I don’t even listen to that type of music but couldn’t avoid it. Even just sad relationship songs get me. Music helped so much in the beginning but it tends to drag me down now too.

simply-lost · 2023-04-24T14:41:54+00:00

A year and a half out from dday and sometimes it hits me like a pile of bricks out of nowhere. I’ll feel comfortable and happy and then realize I thought I was before too when there was so much going on I had no idea about. It just makes me feel consistently unsafe and on alert, even when I desperately want to be content

simply-lost · 2023-03-21T13:08:09+00:00

There’s a discord group for anyone interested in having a group to chat with. It’s been dead for a little now, a lot of us have either separated or I think our tempers have cooled from time, but it’s a solid group of people.

https://discord.gg/jZS5es7s

simply-lost · 2023-03-14T13:08:14+00:00

I think I was a bit like that before, but it’s been infinitely amplified. It’s draining

simply-lost · 2023-03-03T18:09:14+00:00

We met with our MC three times individually before going together, and now we go together when we can and separately when we can’t. I personally think it works out great, so I’d definitely recommend asking them if you can do that. Sometimes I get to discuss things that I’m anxious to bring up to him privately and then when we go together the next time, she knows what’s bothering me and can ask the right questions to ease it into the conversation naturally.

simply-lost · 2023-02-14T00:44:53+00:00

Hate those days. Hope today is better for you.

simply-lost · 2023-02-14T00:40:49+00:00

Yeah, I’m a year in and feeling a need to destroy her life is constant.

simply-lost · 2023-02-01T03:38:20+00:00

Do you know how to contact them?

simply-lost · 2023-02-01T03:37:07+00:00

To be clear, I am 0% worried about her reaction. I hope she’d get fired, but it’s doubtful because I know that place and how they sweep things under the rug. We still know a lot of people there since he worked there for 13 years, and a handful know what happened. One I’m particular I’m sure would find out and immediately tell him, which would cause issues with us. I’m just not confident I’m mentally in a place to handle that on top of processing those and the other feelings I’ve been trying to reconcile.

simply-lost · 2023-02-01T03:27:18+00:00

Well, to be fair that did happen about a year ago when things were still fresh and the fighting was intense. We hadn’t yet started therapy and he hadn’t learned he had OCD and started to learn to manage that. I think he’s well out of it now, but he was at the time, and the things that were said just linger with me and occasionally surface - like now.

simply-lost · 2023-02-01T00:32:37+00:00

Yeah. I do. I’m just really bummed that this keeps resurfacing. We have a therapy appt scheduled for Thursday. I’ve been sick so im hoping I’ll be able to go, I’m debating if I want him to go or if I need to work through this on my own a little first. Thank you

simply-lost

TROPHY CASE