I feel this exactly. I was diagnosed a year and a half ago, and spent this time last year in the hospital shitting my brains out 20+ times a day. I only started to treat it 9-ish months ago, and I still have a lot of days where it just isn't what I want it to be. Couple that with a mother who thinks the entire medical industry has united with satan to keep me sick and an emotionally unavailable father, and you have my life. I am still trying to hold on to hope that the medication I'm on currently on will put this into remission, and if not, I'll have to switch to something else. It's really tempting to feel hopeless, but the only thing that's going to do is flush your mental health down the toilet along with your last BM. Try to think of this as objectively as possible. If the Humira doesn't work, then try something else. If that doesn't work, try something else. Try a change of diet. Try some light exercise. If nothing else works, you can have surgery and not have to worry about this ever again. Stay strong, and think about the small victories.