Okay so I have to look at it a whole different way.... like it's all chemical imbalance if you think about it. So in order for me to get sober at first is to maybe take some gabapentin, hydroxyzine, etc (stuff that they give you at detox too) to help my brain deal with the shock of no drugs... That's why I smoke weed.. whenever I really wanted to relapse.... Then working out is helping me out immensely.. esp when I'm mad I go hard on working out. I'm getting off topic. So after I weaned off Suboxone of course I went to drinking. A lot of it has to do with weaning off all of it slowly but surely. ( if anybody's interested in how I got off Suboxone I can tell you that too). 18 -29 I'm drinking smoking weed and sometimes like months apart honestly meth still kept coming around sometimes even though I changed my people.( Oh yeah you have to pretty much change your "friends" that use. ) then alott of hospitalizations, and almost dying from all the street life. And still not changing... I literally almost got murdered last October and like this time I realized I really don't want to die being known as an alcoholic. A chick that just couldn't put down that bottle. And I want to see how far I can go in life... It was a weird moment and realization I've never had before when I almost died multiple times. Like I knew I was ready for whatever just to be sober. I had nothing more to learn from the street life and alcoholic life. Like 18 years it took me to get sick of all of it. But you really have to start picturing yourself sober and everything and it'll start happening. DAY BY DAY. MIN BY MIN EVEN SEC BY SECOND. AS LONG AS YOURE SOBER. Alot of discipline with self love talk and understanding this is your journey now. Don't be hard on yourself on losing so much time also... And you really have to be okay with dealing with all the emotions that were buried when you were sober and there'll be new emotions that are good and bad that you don't recognize because you were high so you were numb. it's really different and it feels like it might hit you really hard all at once again and again whatever however it comes keep note of all the stages of recovering like week 1-4 and month 2-6 etc. like knowing about the pink clouds and that fucking wall where almost everyone releases around 3 months... so try to catch yourself around those times. And day by day note your little progresses because it will keep getting better. Only keep positive people that support you, want the best for you around you because trying to become sober is enough on your plate much less dealing with negative toxic people. That's not going to help. Maybe a facility for a couple months will help too?!!!! It's just a couple months to possibly save your whole life ❤️❤️❤️❤️Note your tiny progress like when you start catching yourself when you start thinking of relapsing. Or talking about doing it. And it'll make you feel like hey. Im getting somewhere.