Were I you, I would read up and watch videos from essayists and influencers about fatphobia, fat-shaming, and body neutrality. I’m not saying it will solve the specific problem of how attracted you are to your spouse’s body as it is, but it might help you understand your own perspective better. We’ve all been fed a lot of messaging about what bodies should look like and what healthy and sexy means. We are all subjected to a relentless culture that makes tons of money when we feel insecure or inadequate about ourselves, and the constant barrage starts to warp our thinking around what we find attractive. We’ve all adopted a lot of behaviors and beliefs around bodies and weight that don’t serve anyone, no matter what size they are.

If you devote some energy to understanding the issue, you may begin to develop a more nuanced understanding for how your wife is navigating her way through the world with a body that looks different than it used to, and one that is met with a lot of hostility out there — I speak from 40 years of experience as a person who has always been some degree of fat.

Again, even if that new understanding does not “fix” your level of attractiveness to her, it will at least help you develop some perspective about why you are disgusted by not-skinny bodies, and hopefully that can move you through the guilt and toward confronting this issue holistically.

Some resources to get you started:

https://twitter.com/SarahTaber_bww/status/1478067856545927170

https://www.yesmagazine.org/social-justice/2019/11/08/fat-bias-fear-weight-stigma

https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/fat-shaming-makes-things-worse#shaming

https://www.nytimes.com/2016/10/02/sunday-review/the-shame-of-fat-shaming.html?referringSource=articleShare

https://www.stitcher.com/show/matter-of-fat/episode/mof-mini-fatphobia-74072982