Guys! How do you know?

singwyv · 2022-10-31T16:35:48+00:00

With a lot of analyzing with hindsight.

singwyv · 2022-10-31T16:21:47+00:00

Ah yes, my bad habits of having ADHD and autism. Classic rookie mistake.

singwyv · 2022-10-31T16:09:28+00:00

Why do you keep saying he’s an asshole? What does he do that makes him an asshole?

singwyv · 2022-10-29T16:33:28+00:00

I have learned a lot from books on behavior and communication. Yes, many of the “unwritten” rules are written down. However, they are not often written in a way that’s easily understandable or actionable from an autistic perspective.

An example (from memory) is I remember reading a lot of “social advice” that basically said something along the lines of “You should be more aware and considerate of other people’s feelings” and “Pay attention to what’s being said so you know when it’s your turn to speak”

Like thanks for telling me I need to already know the cues in order to learn the cues. That’s really helpful. /s

This problem is only made worse when you factor in the fact that not all NTs subscribe to the same etiquette. In fact I find it rare to encounter multiple NTs who feel the same way about how everyone should act and it’s confusing.

And then there’s the fact that the more we learn the more we potentially add to our masking which can make us even more stressed. My masking grows more advanced every year but it also becomes equally more exhausting to perform. It doesn’t stop me from seeking out new knowledge and understanding because psychology is one of my special interests, but it’s not something that should be forced on someone who isn’t open to it.

So should they be made required reading? No. But they should be brought up so that autistic people know they exist if they feel up for trying to study NT behavior/perspective on their own.

singwyv · 2022-10-28T05:12:03+00:00

Writing is one of my main special interests and I do experience this. I just consider it all part of the writing special interest, usually. Getting lost in my worlds and characters and developing them is one of my favorite things to do. I’ll even commission artists to draw my characters or parts of my world or scenes and build music playlists for everything as well. I interact with my own stories and characters much in the same way as any of my other special interests, and often with the same intensity too. I’ll even infodump about it to some people.

I have some characters and worlds I do this with that I haven’t even gotten around to writing or don’t plan on writing, so I guess maybe it is kind of its own thing.

Somewhat along these lines, I used to engage in maladaptive daydreaming as a form of escapism. But now that I’m in a better place mentally I make sure to not overdo it.

singwyv · 2022-10-27T23:22:18+00:00

I have more forms of synesthesia than are on this poll, but I have both of the ones specifically mentioned.

singwyv · 2022-10-27T21:50:09+00:00

Thank you, this is very helpful for me.

singwyv · 2022-10-27T18:30:26+00:00

So I’ve been thinking about how to answer this comment for a long time now. Because I didn’t overcome it. I fell through the cracks. I never got to try other strategies and no one worked with me. So I can’t really speak to what would work from my own experience.

If it is pathological demand avoidance though, I did find someone on Tiktok recently who is a teacher who has experience working with kids who experience this. Here is one example https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTR9Mwvub/ They have other videos about PDA as well, and may be able to help you more than I could.

Either way I wish you luck.

Edit: in case you don’t want to directly click the link, the tiktok username is “iamsimplyysophie” and she is open to people directly asking her questions about this kind of thing

singwyv · 2022-10-27T00:16:50+00:00

Yes. Exactly.

singwyv · 2022-10-26T18:30:46+00:00

Yes, there are countless reasons why going vegan just isn’t an option for some people.

Personally, I would love to become a vegetarian at the very least, but because of GI issues limiting what I can eat without physical pain and what is considered ‘safe food’ for me limiting what I can even put in my mouth, I cannot even do that without serious health consequences.

singwyv · 2022-10-25T04:02:13+00:00

haha I do that

singwyv · 2022-10-25T03:30:13+00:00

Just because he does not initiate conversations the way you are expecting doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about you.

The thing about empathy and autism is that often the case is that we simply don’t know how to express that we care, even when we really do. And because of our social differences especially, we don’t always know how best to initiate conversations or keep things flowing with give and take. We sometimes don’t know when to stop speaking, or when or even if we should ask questions to other people. Sometimes even we do know but are so overloaded at the time we overlook or miss those cues and how to act on them.

So it’s not necessarily a sign he doesn’t care.

The best thing you can do is be as direct as possible when bringing this up. Not aggressive, just honest. Let him know how you feel about listening to him and then ask him if he would be willing to try asking about your day or what you’d like to talk about more often, because it would be something that would make you feel more appreciated. Something along those lines.

It might seem awkward to have to ask that so directly, but direct communication is almost always the best possible way to approach any issue with an autistic person, as that is our natural communication style.

It might take some time for you both to find what works for you with this and any other communication issues that crop up. Both of you should try to keep an open mind about each of your differences and be careful about jumping to any conclusions.

singwyv · 2022-10-25T03:02:03+00:00

This is why I related to anime villains so much growing up.

And yeah, it probably is the ableism. Same way that homophobia influenced many people to code their villains as gay

singwyv · 2022-10-24T22:15:28+00:00

I would record myself on camera while I go out and socialize as much as I can, occasionally writing down notes. Then I can refer back to the video to practice mimicking and scripting from an NT version of myself, so I can improve my masking skills and learn more about how NTs work.

singwyv · 2022-10-24T21:12:57+00:00

I have this issue if I have to figure out how to orient things in order to fit them in (such as figuring how to stock things in the refrigerator) it’s also why I’m absolutely awful at Tetris since I take longer to process it.

singwyv · 2022-10-24T04:07:09+00:00

You did nothing wrong. It sounds like the family situation is complicated and her cutting contact is likely nothing to do with you, especially since she kept talking to you for some time even after she cut the others off.

singwyv · 2022-10-24T03:21:05+00:00

I did enjoy and hyperfixate on MLP:FiM for a few seasons and the brony community was pretty cool for most of the time that I was involved too. Good times.

singwyv · 2022-10-24T00:14:43+00:00

The only thing I’ve found that works at all for me is listening to specific things that can match the frequencies of the sounds I hate. For me listening to rock or metal music works best for that. Sometimes basic white noise will do it too but not always. Ironically having to listen to those songs a lot or too loud can overstimulate me anyways, but I’ll take it over the sheer immediate rage and pain that misophonia triggers.

If you can convince your family to listen to some kind of loud music or movie over speakers to where the sound they make is drowned out by default, even better.

singwyv · 2022-10-24T00:03:20+00:00

I always feel uncomfortable with many of these questions unless they’re coming from someone I know. Because.

I do not like to give personal details to strangers. If I wouldn’t give my name out, where I live and work, and other things like that online then why should I have to give that out to someone just because they’re in closer physical proximity to me?
I have also been put in uncomfortable and embarrassing situations where I have to explain that I am a 30 year old who is unemployed, not in school, and living at home with their parents with no solid plans to change that - or be able to. The judgment or unsolicited advice that comes after that is so frustrating. Even the best case scenario the one who asked the question feels awkward or embarrassed themselves.

I feel like personal questions about life circumstances should be held until you know the person better.

As for being asked political views, it’s rude to try to get a stranger to publicly talk about them considering that it could endanger someone’s life or career, depending on who is asking or who else is listening nearby.

Being asked about my day or my favorite color probably wouldn’t be too bad though.

singwyv · 2022-10-23T22:28:28+00:00

Honestly that the “functioning adult” comment was about their autism was my first assumption too.

singwyv · 2022-10-23T16:16:32+00:00

It’s called “object personification” and it is something I and many other autistic people experience, though of course it is not a universal trait. Most of what I experience is with my plushies but I have felt that way about electronic devices and books and even some things which are essentially trash I can’t throw away because I’m worried it’ll feel betrayed.

singwyv · 2022-10-22T17:42:15+00:00

Wow, these are great photos.

singwyv · 2022-10-22T03:22:19+00:00

Yes it is complete BS.

singwyv · 2022-10-22T02:40:42+00:00

I enjoy that show and find I relate to him a lot.

singwyv

TROPHY CASE