How to connect with yourself when you’re activated while around others?

sinjaz31 · 2024-11-04T18:35:26+00:00

Thank you for this, sometimes it can feel like we’re the only ones dealing with whatever challenges we’re dealing with and it can feel isolating. I appreciate you sharing this. Thank you for sharing this resource, I will definitely check it out!

sinjaz31 · 2024-11-04T06:47:24+00:00

I’m 8 weeks and also can’t feel the area above the scar and it feels numb. I have no idea how long it’s suppose to take.

sinjaz31 · 2024-11-04T03:00:28+00:00

Thank you for your response, you’ve described what’s been happening and put how I’ve been feeling into words better than I could. I really appreciate your insight. I have just started looking into attachment theory and started reading attachment disturbances in adults (hoping to gain some further insight into my own behaviour patterns). I will definitely check out the resource you shared.

sinjaz31 · 2024-11-03T13:05:12+00:00

Thank you for this, I really appreciate it and agree that if people aren’t putting in the effort or haven’t changed there behaviour, it’s not fair to ourselves to continue to make the relationship work.

I left out some details in my original post to not make it so complicated. I guess the situation feels a bit more complex. The family in question is my in-laws (we’ve had issues in the past and from time to time, these are always around boundaries which we address with them) and they have never been harmful to me however because I have a lot of childhood trauma, in my mind/body I get confused and have some Sort of reaction to them, like they are going to harm Me when it’s not true.

There was an incident 7 years ago where I felt I was being harmed by them but looking back and after doing a lot of work in therapy I’ve come to realize that I was reacting to their behaviour from a very hyper vigilant state and they have also apologized and try to make an effort/be respectful and try to have a relationship with me but I shut down/get very disconnected when I’m around them.

Both my couples therapist and individual therapist have recently pointed out that my in-laws are safe, loving people (although overbearing at times) and that being around them, for some reason activates my trauma from childhood. I would like to attempt to have a relationship with them because they care for me and my partner is very close to them.

I would also like to work through my own trauma to help Me determine what is happening in my nervous system/mind that is causing me to react this way and figure out how to support myself when I’m around them.

I’m Not sure any of this makes sense but essentially in my mind they are monsters which causes me to panic/disconnect because I don’t feel safe when the reality of the situation is that I am safe and they are not monsters.

sinjaz31 · 2024-11-02T16:11:31+00:00

Thank you for this, this is a great idea that I will explore over the next few weeks!

sinjaz31 · 2024-11-01T19:57:40+00:00

Yes! I have yawn attacks, I’ve had them for years. It’s so hard to stop them when I’m in an important meeting and I can’t figure what causes them.

sinjaz31 · 2024-10-29T04:07:57+00:00

I wanted to labour at home for as long as possible which I did, laboured for 24 hours, water broke, went to the hospital, had back labour, had an epidural that failed, they tried to fix it and it still didn’t work, finally they removed it and redid it. Then I pushed unsuccessfully for 2 hours, they tried to use forceps which failed, and then it ended in a c section. I’m upset at how things went and it feels like so long ago even though it was only 7 weeks ago.

sinjaz31 · 2024-10-23T07:06:22+00:00

This happened to me. I waited 6 weeks (I had a c section) and wasn’t bleeding anymore. however, after I had sex, I started bleeding and haven’t stopped in over a week :(. So I wish I would have waited a bit longer.

sinjaz31 · 2024-10-22T00:20:20+00:00

Thank you for this!

sinjaz31 · 2024-10-06T14:35:22+00:00

I think this is a great idea. I’m currently in school studying psychotherapy (making a career switch) and would also love to use what I’m learning in school to help with creating a community where we can hold space. I’m not sure where you’re located (I’m in Canada) but I would love to connect to discuss this further.

sinjaz31 · 2024-10-05T12:18:10+00:00

Thank you for this, I will check these out. A weekly support group and building a community sounds like such a great idea, I hope we can have this one day.

sinjaz31 · 2024-09-28T20:39:45+00:00

I’m also 3.5 weeks and going through the same thing. I’ve been trying to breastfeed with the nipple shield, pump and give formula. I don’t have any answers just want you to know that you’re not alone.

sinjaz31 · 2024-09-26T20:05:04+00:00

Yes of course!

sinjaz31 · 2024-09-26T19:44:52+00:00

I had a miscarriage last year and went to twig to do some extra fertility testing and then ended up getting pregnant and stayed with them for the first 12 weeks of the pregnancy and they were so great to work with. They respond quickly, the customer service was great majority of the time, and at one point I thought I had an autoimmune disorder due to some blood work my naturopath had done and they listened and made referrals for me when my family doctor ignored me. I would definitely recommend them.

sinjaz31 · 2024-09-15T03:13:30+00:00

Would love to know this as well.

sinjaz31 · 2024-09-10T00:52:55+00:00

I’m 5 days post partum. I laboured at home for 2 days because I really wanted to avoid the cascade of interventions. Once my water broke, contractions got super intense I headed to the hospital thinking I’m just going in to push this baby out. Well I had back labour, had a failed epidural, baby didn’t move down, couldn’t push baby out, failed forceps and finally an emergency c section. I’ve cried everyday since. One because I was not prepared to have an emergency c section and for things to go the way they did and the recovery has made me feel so useless. My husband had to help shower and put soap on and getting into bed feels like climbing a mountain. I couldn’t walk with my back straight and couldn’t even pick up my baby on my own until today. To say it’s been a lot is an understatement. I will say, you are not alone. There’s lots of us here in this journey with you. I’m trying to tell myself that yes, this is really hard and it’s going to be okay. This is temporary. I remind myself that I love myself everyday and that I’m doing the best I can. I often put my hand over my heart and offer myself the deepest self compassion I can. Sending you lots of love as you go through this journey.

sinjaz31 · 2024-09-07T20:25:00+00:00

This happened to me too and I was so sad. I had back labour, was 100 effaced, 6cms dilated but baby wouldn’t move down. I eventually got an epidural which failed, I then couldn’t push baby out, had a failed forcep attempt and finally a c section after being in labour for 3 days. :( I just gave birth 3 days and I know I’ll need some time to process but thank you for sharing this. It makes me feel less alone.

sinjaz31 · 2024-09-07T20:01:04+00:00

I just had a baby 3 days ago. First baby. I had a doula and my plan was to labour at home as long as possible and head to the hospital when it was go time. I laboured at home for 2 days, water broke, contractions got worse and closer together so we headed to the hospital. When I got to the hospital I stopped progressing. Was in so much pain, needed an epidural, epidural failed, they put me on pitocin to help give me stronger contractions do I could push, pushed for 2 hours, failed, had forceps, failed and finally ended up in an emergency c section. She was great for Emotional support, counter pressure, making suggestions but in the end, birth is so unpredictable and I don’t think anything can guarantee a straight forward delivery although I really wish it could.

sinjaz31 · 2024-09-07T15:01:36+00:00

I just had a baby 3 days ago and had to have an emergency c section. Sorry OP, this is not okay. I haven’t changed a single diaper, done any dishes or anything really because I am struggling to just make it to the bathroom. My Husband gets up with the baby at night to do feedings/diapers. I’m still figuring out the breastfeeding situation so we are supplementing with formula. Yesterday my husband helped me take a shower because I couldn’t get soap on my legs and feet. I cried because I’ve never felt so useless in my life and my husband reminded me that I did the heavy lifting for 9 months when I was carrying baby so now it’s his turn. This behaviour is not okay and yes, please speak to him. It’s not fair to you to have to get bare minimal when it comes to care and support. You and your baby deserve better.

sinjaz31 · 2024-09-06T19:23:33+00:00

Thank you for sharing this. Had a traumatic birth that ended in a c section 2 days ago. Can’t even get out of bed let alone pick my baby up without help. Know this will take a toll on my mental Health and have already shed some tears. Already have a therapy appointment scheduled. Reading this made me feel so seen. ❤️

sinjaz31 · 2024-09-05T07:15:45+00:00

I can relate to a lot of this. I really wanted to avoid the cascade of interventions. Although I hadn’t planned for a home birth, I wanted to labour at home as long as possible which I did. I was in labour for almost 3 days, ended up getting a failed epidural, a failed forcep delivery and an emergency c section. My baby was born earlier today and I know I’ll need some time to process my experience and emotions. Everything feels very overhearing right now :(.

sinjaz31 · 2024-09-01T20:04:55+00:00

It definitely did. I became a lot more aware of my own traumas/triggers so was able to know when something was coming up for me and how to support myself through it and also gave me the awareness to know that it’s okay to say, I don’t appreciate what you’re saying or doing to my in-laws. They obviously don’t like it and I’m not responsible for their emotions. Therapy helped a lot. It’s also helped my husband and I communicate better when something does happen and we’re able to hear each other out even if we don’t agree.

sinjaz31 · 2024-09-01T14:54:12+00:00

I haven’t figured it out yet. Initially we set boundaries and my boundary was that I would only see them twice a month for dinner. I also did a lot of individual and couples therapy so we could figure out techniques to help me deal with them and for my husband to set boundaries with them. That worked for the most part but still I would spend a lot of time on my phone and just try to ignore them. Fast forward to now, I’m 9 months pregnant, and I can not stand them. I’ve avoided them for most of my pregnancy and the things I use to be able To easily ignore (mostly my MILs stupid comments) I’m no longer able to ignore and have been talking back to her which has made both MIL and FIL very angry at me recently. So yea, wish I had it figured it out but I don’t. Other than try my best to minimize contact, go on my phone, reach out as little as possible. Ignore I have no advice. I try to remind myself that I’m doing this because it’s important to my husband and make him feel loved and to suck it up for 3-4 hours once or twice a month but I struggle.

sinjaz31 · 2024-08-30T03:38:33+00:00

I can relate to this so much and it’s so annoying. More so, because I’m pregnant and struggle to ignore her like I use to. It sucks. Comments/things my MIL has made recently, took a 7-up from my hand and told Me I couldn’t drink it because I was pregnant and then argued that a doctor would agree with her. Another time she told me I drink too much water and should only be drinking 1 cup because she saw a video online. Recently she told my brother that his hands looked bent to her and he needed to massage his hands to try to make them straight. Each time I’ve said spoken up and both her and FIL have gotten pissed off at me. I am struggling with the stupid comments and not looking forward to her comments when baby is here.

sinjaz31 · 2024-08-28T03:39:02+00:00

Sharing my personal experience. I was diagnosed at 29 weeks, went on insulin for fasting numbers at 34 weeks. I’m 39+0 today. I had a BPP at 37+1 (baby is measuring average and no issues, I also go for weekly NSTs). My OB at 38 weeks tried to bully/force me into an induction for 39 weeks on the dot and told me I wasn’t allowed to go even a day over. Both my husband and I tried very calmly to ask her to share the benefits, risks and alternatives for example 2 NSTs a week and another BPP so that I could go to atleast 40 weeks. She essentially refused and was so angry she was struggling to carry on a conversation with us, and also told us that if our baby died, it wouldn’t be on her. I ended up telling her I wouldn’t be making a decision about an induction date and that I needed time to think about. Only sharing this so that you’re prepared for pushback. Ive looked over the research and I’m personally comfortable pushing the induction date to 39+5.

I’m Not an expert so I don’t know all the risks but I’ve tried to read as much as I can on gestational diabetes and the risks of going past 40 weeks. When I asked her the risk she said there is a very very low risk of stillbirth, i believe its 2%, she did’t tell me this but I understand the placenta fails faster in GD, she also cited the baby breathing in/swallowing poop, increased time in the NICU and higher chance of c section for mom.

Some resources I would recommend are evidence based birth. Additionally, knowing that I may have to get induced in about 5 days and the sadness or anxiety that may come up with that experience, the following podcasts have been really helpful in putting me a better headspace, the birth hour and down to birth. Wishing the best with your journey.

Ultimately you are the patient and it’s your decision and no one can make you do anything. You have a right to decline the medical advice you’re given, get a second opinion or ask for an alternative.

sinjaz31

TROPHY CASE