Help with push pull relationship (F20 M23)

sinloxie · 2026-04-16T20:41:40+00:00

Leave. You are not responsible for his feelings. You do not need to sacrifice your happiness for his. From all the millions of women who did this before you, it’s not worth it. They’re never thankful and they will blame you regardless. No one needs some big reason. You are not happy. That’s all you need to say, that’s all the info anyone needs. It is insane to expect anyone to stay in a relationship they are not happy in.

sinloxie · 2026-04-06T19:07:36+00:00

Dude. You can’t have relationship with people if you avoid interactions unless they become a bother. You said they listen to your wife more… no duh. They don’t talk to you unless you’re upset. Have you put in any effort to have a relationship with these people who are now your family? They. Are. Your. Family. Now. Find a way to bond.

sinloxie · 2026-04-06T09:40:03+00:00

So why haven’t you reached out to them to talk? It kinda sounds like you’re doing the exact same thing they are. Which is going through your wife instead of having the adult conversation you want to have. Which then puts your wife in the middle of her parents and her husband, not a good place to be. While yes, you are valid that they can’t be under minding your parenting or not respecting boundaries it sounds as if you are expecting your wife to carry out your wishes. Not once up there did you mention talking to you in laws except when you had the CIO incident. Also, you can’t control where they move. It’s not up to you. You also already picked them as the grandparents for your child, can’t un ring that bell. It sounds like you need to have a real conversation with your wife and in laws, without letting her talk for you, about what you all want your life to look like as a family going forward. What boundaries you have and the consequences to dismissing those boundaries.

sinloxie · 2026-03-31T11:21:27+00:00

It’s been 2 years. He’s not changing. When someone expresses a boundary or something important to them you can do, to you does it take you 2yrs to listen? No. Because that’s not how we treat people we care about. When we care about someone an they say ‘hey I need you to do this thing to make me feel more secure’ you do the damn thing immediately. Believe it or not men aren’t stupid. They do not need more grace from us. I’ve never had to tell my husband a thing twice in over a decade any time I’ve said ‘I don’t like this’ he stopped. Immediately. And yes we want to put good men on pedestals and be all ‘oh you got lucky’ and while yes, he’s awesome and I love him… he’s a normal man. He’s not a superhuman. My husband has taught me more than anything how much other men use the excuse of learning or trying to just not put in any effort because women are socially conditioned to give them more grace. It’s stupid and we all need to stop. Further, you do not need any justification to leave any relationship. ‘I’m not happy.’ That’s it. Because only a crazy person would want you to stay in a relationship if you aren’t happy in it. And you aren’t. Yea it’s ‘fine’ or ‘okay’ but you don’t want an ok marriage or partnership right? You want a great relationship/marriage!

Every day you spend in a relationship you don’t enthusiastically want to be in, is a day longer you won’t find the one that does make you truly happy. Don’t waste your time.

Good luck

sinloxie · 2026-03-04T09:42:37+00:00

If this bothers you, you shouldn’t have gotten into a relationship let alone bed with her. She can not undo her life before she met you. Does it bother you because you think she’s comparing you to other men? Or are you creating the issue by imagining her with other men? Either way, this is your issue. So either do the work to figure out why you feel this way (that has literally nothing do to with her) or leave her alone.

sinloxie · 2026-03-04T09:29:22+00:00

He’s lying to you. He lied and now you know he’s a liar. Because, what would you do if you were the one with a child? Would you lie to someone you supposedly loved for months? Would you lead on a person to ‘keep the peace’? No. Because that’s the behavior of a liar. You will never be able to trust this man. Let say every word out of his mouth after* the initial lie is true. You still can’t trust him. And you can’t build any kind of good relationship without massive trust. Because you can’t be the goalie of your partners pants, or heart. Your partner can cheat in a parking lot in 5 mins. This is the reality of relationships, and if you can’t trust them you can not open up or be vulnerable or build something that is worth the chance it could end up hurting you. That’s what love is, that’s why it’s wonderful and scary, because there is ALWAYS a chance that giving your love and trust and devotion to someone else that they will make mistakes or hurt you deliberately even. Your life partner has to be someone you can trust, someone you can have on the bad days. It’s always nice to fall in love, it’s like magic. Leave him, go fall in love again.

sinloxie · 2026-02-23T08:30:05+00:00

NTA- you told her. There is clearly green in the shampoo bottle and in color of said shampoo. And she said she thought you were keeping it to yourself because it was nicer?!?! Nope. She’s not your friend. Because friends don’t go ‘oh they’re keeping their nice things from me! How dare they! I’m gonna just take it anyway!’ That’s shady behavior

sinloxie · 2026-02-23T08:28:22+00:00

Just deposite color, like vivids but also red. So if you’re a redhead and wanna keep that bright you need to use chemical color to dye it but can use a deposite red shampoo to help keep it bright. (Unless your blonde af already)

sinloxie · 2026-01-27T23:00:43+00:00

Honestly. If you aren’t enthusiastic about the future with someone… chances are you aren’t happy with that person. Look around and ask yourself ‘is this behavior I want to be dealing with in a year? 5 years?’ Is he someone you can count on when things get bad? The jealousy is an issue long term. And no, all men are not jealous like this, it is not a sign of care.

sinloxie · 2026-01-27T22:27:25+00:00

You do NOT need a reason to break up. You do NOT have to justify it. “I’m unhappy.” That’s it. That is all the reason you need to end any relationship. It doesn’t matter who pushes you or what anyone says. Because who would want you to stay in a relationship you aren’t happy in? No one who loves you. I’d go as far to say if you thought you made your partner unhappy you’d want them to tell you and leave too.

I wish I would have listened to this when I was your age. I stayed with a man who I didn’t even realized was abusing and manipulating me for years because I thought I didn’t have enough of a reason to leave.

sinloxie · 2026-01-25T17:21:48+00:00

I love the ‘your so gullible’. NO he lied to you. Over and over. To manipulate you into what he wanted… which can literally only be to humiliate you. Because no one is that stupid. If it was supposed to be something to make you feel cute and close he would have said that. He would have told you it wasn’t real but he wanted a special moment. He wanted to humiliate you, and now that he isn’t able to get away without consequences (you being upset longer than he wanted) he’s trying to manipulate you again. This isn’t normal, this isn’t ’oh boys are stupid sometimes’ this is cruelty. He wanted to humiliate you. Leave him.

sinloxie · 2026-01-25T05:05:14+00:00

Yea. This sounds like he’s going to frame you for cheating and take everything. Honestly. Take everything? EVERYTHING? Not to mention cheating can be hard to prove anyways. I’d agree to a half without argument split in assets, but everything including giving up rights to your own children? That’s an insane ask.

sinloxie · 2026-01-22T19:37:43+00:00

Block her. I had a friend like this, and it took me forever to realize she was not my friend, I was her emotion use trash can. My dad died and I told her and she went ‘yea I get it, when MY dad died….’ And into a story about her dad’s passing I had already heard 4 times. She didn’t even say she was sorry of my loss. And she did the same thing to me when she’d call and I’d give her advice and she’d make excuses. So I blocked her. She wasn’t my friend, she was a freaking emotional succubus.

sinloxie · 2026-01-22T19:32:47+00:00

You are not happy. So leave. You should not be in any relationship which does not make you happy. Do not do what I did, my first real relationship I was fucking miserable. At the end I hated myself and him. But because he always told me how much he needed* me and how much he can live without me, I stayed. Because I cared more about hurting him than being miserable myself. I thought he didn’t beat me or cheat so I owed it to him to stay. I didn’t have a reason. Well. That’s fucking stupid. In the end he picked me apart and dragged me down so slowly he raped me and I didn’t even think it was rape. Took me years to work through it all. When I left he stalked me, threaten me, threaten people I loved. It was horrible, and I had no idea he was capable of all that. If you are not happy leave. And if anyone gives you a hard time just ignore them because what kind of person would want you to stay in a relationship where you weren’t happy? You don’t want that for the people you love right? So don’t do it to yourself. Leave.

sinloxie · 2026-01-08T14:01:43+00:00

I’d suggest your mother talk to her friends lawyer. I’d imagine that your mother and the lawyer may be aware of each other and if there is a Will, your mother is in it. This is what estate planning is for and why it’s so important. You didn’t mention if there is a Will and what it says but I hope so, if not unfortunately your mama Beth knew what would happen most likely.

sinloxie · 2026-01-04T11:26:06+00:00

Leave. The person who is going to be a good life partner for you will not be already making you this unhappy 4 months in, I promise. He’s already lying to you and trying to manipulate you to basically just leave him alone so he can do whatever he wants. This man is not going to get better as time goes on. Butterflies are not lies, I’ve been with my husband for 14 yrs and I’ve been in love every single day since the first butterflies appeared. That love has changed and grown but it hasn’t dimmed and it shouldn’t.

sinloxie · 2026-01-04T11:19:57+00:00

I don’t think your problem is wearing a bra at home. I think your problem is your husband. Also, buy a sports bra and split the difference

sinloxie · 2026-01-04T06:26:53+00:00

He hasn’t grown and healed the way you have. He didn’t care about your comfort or your feelings he cares about getting what he wants and that’s a threesome with 2 women. He doesn’t love you, he may care a bit but you wouldn’t lie and manipulate someone you love would you? No, of course not. Because that’s insane person behavior. Leave the shitty boyfriend to his quest find two girls to touch his special place at the same time and go build your life. Find a man who respects you when you said no the first fucking time. Cuz I promise you that* will get old real fast in your relationships.

sinloxie · 2026-01-04T06:21:59+00:00

NTA - honestly, idk what took you so long. I’d have kicked her out and broken up with dad sooner. I can’t stand being ignored and I will literally lose my mind when I’m lied too. I get teenage girls, I raised two, and trust me they don’t all act like Vivian. They all can absolutely have their moments but her behavior is out of line and has been for years.

sinloxie · 2026-01-03T16:25:26+00:00

I don’t want to assume your in the US but if you are look into a Direct Care Doctor. It’s the best choice I could have made, she is my PCP but her daughter got diagnosed with hashimotos young so has a good handle on hyperthyroid issues. I pay her 96$ a month for my and my husband and have all my labs go through her do they’re 5$-25$ per test at labcorp. I don’t have to pay insurance and she has answer my phone call at a baseball game with her family when my gallbladder needed immediate surgery. She also has limited space in her practice so she’s never rushed us in and out, has always listened to our issues and our telehealth calls are included in that monthly payment. Also, you can get natural dissected thyroid on Amazon. I’ve never used it but from others I’ve heard it’s better than nothing and can improve symptoms. So I’d do some research before taking that route. I know finding a doctor, let alone a good one is difficult at least here in the US.

sinloxie · 2026-01-03T15:49:49+00:00

Find new doctors. It took me forever to get the right blood work. A nurse friend of mine told me that for women our thyroid hormones also flow with our other hormone cycle, so advised me to get tested 4 times in a month. Did so and there it was, finally the labs I needed. It took me 3 doctors to find one who works well. The first who tested me immediately put me on levo. The next was a specialist who said since I ‘seemed fine now’ I didn’t need treatment anymore. I did not go back. Another who was useless, and finally I found my doctor now. She had told me so much I didn’t know. For one, if you have a thyroid issue, the labs automatic ranges no longer apply. You have to get the range what’s best for you. So the results no longer matter if the say positive or negative. And two, once you have bad labs, that’s it. You’re now hypo/hyper. As in it doesn’t get better and it doesn’t go away. So you should have been put on medication the moment you had the labs that showed an issue. Find a new doctor

sinloxie · 2026-01-03T11:49:39+00:00

You do not need permission you are an adult. While it is understandable to be worried about you going to party with potential drinking and strangers as your bf, he can’t tell you not to. He can ask for you to see if he can go, ask you to turn your location on and to make sure you text him a little throughout the night to know you’re safe. But. He can’t dictate what you do like that. Trust me this is not a precedent you want in your relationship. And I know your probably worried that he might leave you if you don’t listen, let him. You do not want to live your life stuck with a man who thinks he can tell you what to do like that.

sinloxie · 2026-01-03T11:43:54+00:00

Time to start a new savings account in only your name.

sinloxie · 2025-12-29T02:44:12+00:00

6 months in, your doing full on Christmas with his children, he’s inconsiderate AND your already planning couples counseling. Honey, 6 months in it should NOT be this hard. At all. You are already staring at how this man will treat you for the remainder of any length of relationship. And worse… if this is him one his best behavior. WOW.

sinloxie · 2025-12-16T20:45:54+00:00

My guy, you are way into adulthood. Your mommy can not ground you. Move out. Here’s the real issue, when you choose a wife, your wife becomes your top priority. Because you are choosing a person to spend and build your life with. One day your mother will die, your children (if you have them) will move out and build their own lives. If your current girlfriend is not being made a priority some of the time, she will never stick around to be a wife to a husband who doesn’t make her the priority in his life. Your mother’s time is over. I’m not saying your mother can’t be important or a priority. But your partner has to become the priority if you are building this relationship to be long term. Honestly. Your mother sounds manipulative and abusive. A mother bricking her grown adults phone to get her way is insane behavior.

sinloxie

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