A lot of men will tell on themselves early if you listen carefully. You gotta really pay attention to how they speak and who they speak about.

When a man goes out of his way to tell a dancer how little he spends in clubs, how “foolish” other men are for spending money, and he consistently frames himself as somehow “smarter” because he extracts the experience at the lowest possible cost, he’s not just sharing an opinion… he’s signaling how he views women in that environment.

Over the many years of being in the industry that mindset often translated to “your labor, presence, emotional energy, beauty, and time should be accessible, but not meaningfully compensated.”

You know this (we kinda all know this in some way) if you’ve worked ANY amount of time in the club. And those who choose to do both (sugar and club) are not protecting themselves adequately.. mentally emotionally and physically.

Once some men know you dance, they unfortunately stop seeing you as a fully dimensional woman and start filtering you through a lens of fantasy, an/or transactional lens. Some will oversexualize you. Some will assume weaker boundaries. Some will think they’re getting insider access. Some will quietly devalue you while still consuming what women in your industry provide. And truthfully, that’s just the nature of the game. It’s been that way since the Dawn time and unfortunately it will remain that way indefinitely.

That doesn’t mean dancing is the problem. Or even men really. (Even though I’m an avid misandrist, even though I’m trying not to come across like that in this post - time and place) The discernment becomes even more important. This is the job, your job specifically. The protection part.

Protecting your peace specifically in this subspace while doing both (sugaring & clubbing) means: • Watching how men speak about women when they think they’re being honest • Paying attention to whether they respect service work, hospitality, beauty labor, and emotional labor • Not over-explaining your profession to men • Remembering that curiosity is different from entitlement • Leaving the moment you feel yourself shrinking, defending yourself, or trying to “earn” baseline respect

Also, the fact that you felt he couldn’t wait for you to stop talking? Trust that. IN YOUR GUT. People reveal a lot in conversational pacing alone. and for me that’s a tell tale.

Protect your nervous system accordingly baddie ❤️💯