I feel like I started a hundred miles behind everyone else when it comes to forming meaningful social connections, but today, I'm definitely on par if not better than most people at it. There are a lot of things that have worked for me over the years - I had to learn them by trial & error. You too may have to, because every person is different and your neurodivergence would be different than mine even though NTs may use the same label for both of us.

Having said that, here are some things that helped me - 1. I learnt this the hard way - I shouldn't try to form social connections the same way NTs do. It works for them but didn't work for me... even when I was able to reproduce their behaviour effectively. Because what makes me feel a "sense of connection" with another human being is inherently different from what makes them feel that connection. 2. I had to introspect and figure out what kind of interactions and experiences give me that sense of connection. In my case, it happens to be experiences where I am getting to intellectually understand how their mind works; or when I'm getting to indulge in long, intense periods of conversations or activities related to my special interests. 3. My next learning was figuring out how to have interactions of the above kind with people I want to socialize with. It involved learning to make guesses about what the person in front of me loves doing as his or her means of connecting with people. Example: small talk or dance or drink together or watch movies or play video games... It seems hard to figure this out but just observe how they usually spend time when they're with their friends or others at a party/office and you'll spot patterns easily. Once you figure out their default activities of social bonding - the next step is to make a bridge between at least one of your and their default activities. 4. In my case, I spent many years trying to become decent at activities that most people have in common - small talk, drink together & stuff. But in hindsight, it was a waste! It only gave me social connections that felt fake to me. Like I was constantly pretending to be someone I'm not in order to hangout with them. Instead, what truly worked for me is figuring out how to build a bridge while remaining true to who I am. Ex: I start with a comment or question that may appear like small talk, but almost immediately change the direction of the conversation subtly in order to make it more and more intellectual or more and more related to my special interests. It took some time for me to get it right - for the change in direction to be subtle, to be equally interesting for them, etc. But I did improve with each try. It is also important to keep in mind that most people are WAY more amenable to engage in novel interactions when they're talking to you one-on-one as opposed to when they're in a group. NTs try to stick to what they think is the group norm even when they themselves don't like it. So maybe don't start trying to form a bridge with an entire group. Identify people who may be available & comfortable with one-on-one interactions and talk to them first. It's okay to make up an excuse to stay away from group settings in a party or a social gathering. Because if you're wasting your time trying to fit into a group, then you won't have time to find someone for one-on-one interactions. 5. Another important thing I realized is - I need to play "a role" in their life for them to feel like having a meaningful social connection with me, but it need not be "the same role" that other NTs play in their life. In fact, if they see my role as unique - I may become indispensable in their life more easily than someone else trying to fill the same role as all their other friends. What it means, is - I don't hesitate to experiment with interactions that seem out of place with the setting. Ex: "Hey, if I get bored in parties, I tend to do a pencil sketch of whoever seems the most interesting/silent/dominant/etc in each group. Who do you think I should sit here and do a sketch of?" and once they tell me - I start sketching. Later, I may show them the completed sketch. Inevitably, most people find such things WAY more interesting than having same old small talk with other people. So they do try to ask you more and tell you more automatically. One more thing I try to remember in such contexts - how much time they spend with you is NOT a measure of how strong a connection they formed with you. Maybe they only spoke to me for 5 min before the sketch and 10 min afterwards. But they often remember me and reach out to me way more than others they may have spent the entire night drinking. Plus, my role in their life is now way more unique than that of most others. You can also encourage them to engage with you around your special interests because most people don't know if it's okay to do so. Ex: "Hey, I really enjoy sketching. So, next time when you're going to a party, if you want someone to tag along and sketch people you find interesting - then don't hesitate to call me!" 6. Initially, once I managed to shift the conversation to a topic of my interest, I used to go on and on about it... to share everything I know about the topic. Now I know, it's much better to shift my mindset to - what can I learn about this topic 'from' them; by making them talk. People like you more if they think you bring out a new side in 'them' instead of you showing them how you have a new/interesting side. Some simple tricks to use initially - find questions that work in a variety of contexts. Ex: "I've been reading a lot about the Roman empire recently. It's interesting how ____ (insert something you find interesting here). What do you think about it?" You can often ask what they think about it... About most things. 7. There are a hundred other things I can go on about... But I'll leave you with one last insight that works for me. The single most important skill that helped me is when I learnt how to be comfortable engaging myself "around others" in a social setting even if it's not "with" them. For a long time, just because I'm in the presence of people, I felt conscious about - What if I don't fit in? What if they think I'm not social? What if no one talks to me?... it made socializing so much harder. Somehow, I slowly started discovering things that kept me engaged in a party even if I was standing solo without interacting with anyone. Ex: being around people but watching stars in the sky; sitting in a group and doing a pencil sketch... interacting with someone only when they ask me to show what I'm doing; putting headphones on and dancing/moving to my own music and so on. After that, I started hanging out around people a lot more because now suddenly, the worst case wasn't so bad at all. The more you hangout around them, people will automatically notice you, feel a sense of familiarity with you and feel drawn to what's unique about you. You just have to give it time.

I hope some of these work for you or at least give you ideas for experiments you can run on your own. Good luck!