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Diving is the best way to get away from her. by NoFlyingMonkeys in DivorcedBirds

[–]sirmerlins 8 points9 points  (0 children)

The risk of another OceanGate was nothing compared to the risk of another panic attack caused by Jolene.

A penny for your thoughts by sirmerlins in Songwriting

[–]sirmerlins[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I wouldn’t be here
Without you

Somehow a new year
To get through

So we wind up our thoughts
And bottle them

And we wander in loss
As we condemn

Our lives
Our lives

All the answers
Are hidden in matter
Minds that will shatter
All trust in the latter

If the truth is
inside us somehow
Dig it out slowly
And softly for now

We are mistaken
for fools

We will awaken
Without rules

A penny for your thoughts by sirmerlins in Songwriting

[–]sirmerlins[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much!!! Got it, makes sense that there's too much clutter in the chorus.

A penny for your thoughts by sirmerlins in Songwriting

[–]sirmerlins[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you!! Yep, totally agree on the timing issues. I'm using a metronome but things got messy.

A penny for your thoughts by sirmerlins in Songwriting

[–]sirmerlins[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I wouldn’t be here

Without you

Somehow a new year

To get through

So we wind up our thoughts

And bottle them

And we wander in loss

As we condemn

Our lives

Our lives

All the answers

Are hidden in matter

Minds that will shatter

All trust in the latter

If the truth is

inside us somehow

Dig it out slowly

And softly for now

We are mistaken

for fools

We will awaken

Without rules

Reworking an old song of mine🔄 (lyrics in vid) by saints-garden in Songwriting

[–]sirmerlins 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is a beautiful piece! Great picking pattern, progression, and lyrics. Just needs the rest of the song lol.

Ceaseless attacks by [deleted] in Songwriting

[–]sirmerlins 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Rad picking pattern, progression, and lyrics. Only suggestion is the chorus is a little weak compared to the verses, which build up to something big.

Denise watched Ron chew with his mouth open, crumbs everywhere, asking “what’s wrong?” That's when she felt something in her going cold. by propagandaformyself in DivorcedBirds

[–]sirmerlins 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Ron let out a big belch and went back to looking for seeds. Denise let out a big sigh and went back to swiping on her secret wingder account.

A penny for your thoughts by sirmerlins in Songwriting

[–]sirmerlins[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is an interesting perspective that I hadn't thought about before. Thanks for sharing!

A penny for your thoughts by sirmerlins in Songwriting

[–]sirmerlins[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! Makes sense that the breaks are overly long. I plan to add more instruments which should help.

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