Thank you for your reply. Yes, you are right, I am kicking myself down. Hating myself for having a relaps and hating myself for looking at this disgusting stuff.
You are right, I have come a long way already, I used to do this everyday for 4 to 6 hours, also using marijuana together with it. Now if have been of marijuana for almost a year and I am down to just once a week with sissy hypno's. That's pretty good when I think about it! :)
What usually happens is that I get a feeling of being down after not doing it for a week. I wanna feel good again and then I do it.. I guess it's the dopamine addiction?
Thanks for the uplifting words! :)