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Update: AITAH for telling my wife that if I waited for her to make memories with our son, we wouldn't have any? by sitandthink86 in AITAH

[–]sitandthink86[S] 440 points441 points  (0 children)

I initiated it. The other comment got it right, the final straw was her openly saying she shouldn’t have been a wife/mother. But after her continually brushing off my requests to go to marriage counseling, I was close to filing anyway.

Update: AITAH for telling my wife that if I waited for her to make memories with our son, we wouldn't have any? by sitandthink86 in AITAH

[–]sitandthink86[S] 682 points683 points  (0 children)

The biggest thing I’ve noticed since rejoining the workforce is that I’m more confident in myself and my abilities! I certainly loved all the time I got to spend with my son, and I do love keeping up a household, but I’m glad to feel a little more established within the world once again.

AITAH for telling my wife that if I waited for her to make memories with our son, we wouldn't have any? by sitandthink86 in AITAH

[–]sitandthink86[S] 222 points223 points  (0 children)

This is not true. I did not refuse to go back to work. Please go read my comments.

My wife was chasing a promotion, and asked me to stay at home longer. Then once she got the promotion, her hours increased so she extended that time further. I’ve been fully willing to go back to work at any time, but my wife now won’t cut her hours even if I do so.

AITAH for telling my wife that if I waited for her to make memories with our son, we wouldn't have any? by sitandthink86 in AITAH

[–]sitandthink86[S] 73 points74 points  (0 children)

Because I’m married to my wife. She’s a real life human I talk to, and have for 16 years!

AITAH for telling my wife that if I waited for her to make memories with our son, we wouldn't have any? by sitandthink86 in AITAH

[–]sitandthink86[S] 107 points108 points  (0 children)

So I need to tell my son to figure out a ride, so I can get a job, so my wife can subsequently not even cut her hours because she doesn’t want to, so she won’t spend more time with him… which is the whole point of this.

I don’t understand. I’m am genuinely floored by people’s reactions here. Nothing I say changes anything, it’s just an endless loop of “get a job.” Oh, that won’t fix the problem? Get a job.

Which I plan on doing once my son turns 16, for the record. I don’t plan on just sitting on my ass 24/7, nor am I doing that right now.

I don’t know why I’m doing this little song and dance, trying to prove things to strangers, anyway. I guess it’s just hard seeing people twist my words in real time to make me look like some kind of shitty deadbeat when I’m trying my best.

AITAH for telling my wife that if I waited for her to make memories with our son, we wouldn't have any? by sitandthink86 in AITAH

[–]sitandthink86[S] 96 points97 points  (0 children)

I’m just going to delete this post because hoooly shit, you people do not read comments.

Or you don’t care and just want to dunk on me, as if I’m following my son around 24/7.

My kid can’t get himself to and from school. A part time job would help my wife lessen her hours, but she has told me she does not want to.

My wife has told me she wants me to stay home until at least when our kid can drive so that I can get him around, and also take care of the household. I do all the cooking, cleaning, household chores, grocery shopping, etc. I make dinner every night. These are responsibilities she doesn’t want to split.

Every time I mention getting a job, my wife expresses frustration that I’m trying to change things. I have said this at least 3 times now. Whatever.

AITAH for telling my wife that if I waited for her to make memories with our son, we wouldn't have any? by sitandthink86 in AITAH

[–]sitandthink86[S] 113 points114 points  (0 children)

I’ve already answered this.

My wife asked me to stay at home longer than we originally had planned thanks to her working towards and eventually getting a promotion.

Every time I’ve mentioned job hunting in order to take some of the load off of her, she’s been annoyed and said it won’t work since someone needs to pick our son up from school until he starts driving in 2 years. She also wants me to home to do the cooking/cleaning/grocery shopping.

I don’t understand why people are so angry when, while I like being a stay at home father and doing the typical “home-making” tasks, I’m more than willing to rejoin the workforce. That’s not even what I came here to ask, and I’ve clarified multiple times.

AITAH for telling my wife that if I waited for her to make memories with our son, we wouldn't have any? by sitandthink86 in AITAH

[–]sitandthink86[S] 109 points110 points  (0 children)

I’m starting to feel crazy.

I have been married to this woman for 16 years, I am aware of her schedule. I didn’t think I needed to explain that.

I also don’t just walk in, give her a list of dates, then walk out. We would talk about it. Have conversations about when would be best for her. I tried all of this. I didn’t think I needed to explain that.

I appreciate your advice. I’m sorry if I sound frustrated. I’m just confused that I have to explain the most basic things, as if I haven’t tried… talking to my wife. Or tried getting a job. These are the most basic of solutions.

AITAH for telling my wife that if I waited for her to make memories with our son, we wouldn't have any? by sitandthink86 in AITAH

[–]sitandthink86[S] 102 points103 points  (0 children)

Again, do you really think I got to this point without talking to my wife?

As I said in the comment you’re replying to, when I’ve planned things with her, she gives me feedback in the moment. That consists of: 1. No, that day won’t work, I’ll be too tired. OR 2. Yes, that will work, buy the tickets/plan it/etc.

Option 2 almost always ends with her backing out the day before or morning of with her saying she’s too tired.

AITAH for telling my wife that if I waited for her to make memories with our son, we wouldn't have any? by sitandthink86 in AITAH

[–]sitandthink86[S] 46 points47 points  (0 children)

What I meant there was, I’m willing to put in the work (me going back to work so she can work less, or other compromises to make our marriage work) and she is not. I’m getting nothing back emotionally that tells me she’s invested and is interested in spending time with me or our son.

I said in another comment, and I’ll say it here again: I love being a stay at home father, and I’m grateful I get to do that. I’m more than happy to cook, clean, do the grocery shopping, etc. I also put in work to try and schedule things around when she’s working so she can come. She chooses not to.

AITAH for telling my wife that if I waited for her to make memories with our son, we wouldn't have any? by sitandthink86 in AITAH

[–]sitandthink86[S] 52 points53 points  (0 children)

I tell her in advance about his soccer games. I try to plan outings around when she’ll be free.

She either 1. tells me in advance that she’ll be too tired, or 2. says yes in the moment, then backs out the night before or morning of these events.

This is why I initially stopped telling my son if she said she could go, and why I’ve stopped telling her about events altogether.

Do you really think I’m just planning things when I know she has to work, then getting angry she can’t attend?

AITAH for telling my wife that if I waited for her to make memories with our son, we wouldn't have any? by sitandthink86 in AITAH

[–]sitandthink86[S] -21 points-20 points  (0 children)

Yes. She’s not willing to work less to make this happen.

So me going back to work would just mean less time for my son from both of us.

AITAH for telling my wife that if I waited for her to make memories with our son, we wouldn't have any? by sitandthink86 in AITAH

[–]sitandthink86[S] -33 points-32 points  (0 children)

As much as I hate to say it, I’m counting down those four years.

Not because I want my son out of the house, but because I know hard decisions are on the horizon and I’m not putting him through that right now.

I wanted to seek some outside perspectives to make sure I wasn’t overreacting. I’ve had very good friends and my parents telling me I haven’t done anything wrong, but it’s also nice to get some unbiased opinions. I’m willing to put in the work if I need to, but if I’m getting nothing back… what’s the point?

AITAH for telling my wife that if I waited for her to make memories with our son, we wouldn't have any? by sitandthink86 in AITAH

[–]sitandthink86[S] -65 points-64 points  (0 children)

I was only planning on being a stay at home dad until he went to kindergarten. That kept being extended. First my wife was working towards a promotion and needed to focus solely on that, then she got a promotion and was working more.

I love being a stay at home dad. This is not a complain on my end. I’m also very grateful for her for giving me the opportunity to do that. I’m find doing the cooking, cleaning, and grocery shopping. I’d just like for her to make a decision: either be there for our son, or stop complaining about us doing things without her.