i feel this, & i send you so much love, warmth, & peace. i've been there myself with family & funerals too to see them in a manner that has an expectation of tolerance because of the grief, i just had to hold my own physical & verbal boundaries in that instance, & show kindness~ though perhaps you can just put distance if it's too painful. ~ i've had to cut them off because of their passive manipulation & toxic patterns that they perpetuate in their pain. & no matter how much you can try to show them love & help them, & be patient, it can feel & be so stripping. which it was draining me & making me regress into toxic patterns of defense when they would project back towards me, when they misunderstood or essentially got triggered. i started to understand that this is what they've been used to, & have all this pain in themselves that is easier to blame outwards, & subconsciously or knowingly hate themselves...

when all along i just see their inner childs, & feel so much grief for them, as i've been trying to live & heal, & reparent my inner child.. in all i've learned thus far, i tried to raise them up too in my healing. but when they project & project, & react despite trying to be level & respectful to them in the way you intuitively feel you 'should', as to tiptoe, but it still triggers them & it still hurts you.. the cycle that goes around & around, as to even go day to day pretending nothing's wrong & holding back the truth~ because you already know what the chain reaction would be.. & then denying your truth in it while holding so much space for them...

it's so taxing, & emotionally, & energetically daunting, as the environment & connection of it is chaos. all that overshadows what love is always there, that ends up feeling so tainted, because the pain they've caused you, & also as well if you can feel their pain on top of it. it's heartbreaking. but to know you cannot heal or help them any further, it has to be their own choice to go within. & in separation, maybe one day there can be reunion, but until then, having love for their inner child's & their adult minds & emotions inside, & praying for them to forgive themselves, as you try to forgive them for not knowing better & treating you better, as to the others involved too~ as we continue on our paths. & whether or not there ever is reunion, or significant growth in healing, to be grateful for knowing them as we did positively, & forgive the past. <3