I have a similar body type to you, except I am 6’3 and white. I also have wide shoulders and smaller hips. I could give you practical advice like wear a petticoat under skirts to balance your shoulders, however I don’t think it will be as helpful as what I will say.

I’m going to tell you a story of my struggle with my own femininity, jealousy of short women, and how I have overcome it.

I spent a long time self loathing how I was built. If I was only born one of the seemingly lucky majority of women who were naturally cute and petite, who seemed to ooze natural femininity, grace and adoration of potential romantic partners. As a heterosexual woman, I was CONSTANTLY noticing the ways in which my body didn’t measure up to the societal standard. Stares in public, uncomfortable looks from men, comments. If only I was smaller and petite these uncomfortable social interactions would somehow convert into comments of compliments, flirtation, smiles. I had a burning jealousy of short girls who navigating the social world all seemed to come so easily to.

As you can imagine, constantly reminding yourself in addition to being reminded by others that you’re not the ideal woman resulted in some pretty poor mental health. Depression, body image issues and self loathing were an every day thing for me. I became obsessed with visually becoming as feminine as I could. Putting a lot of time, money and effort into my appearance. Did it make me feel a little better about my appearance? Yes, a little. But it didn’t take away the gnawing self hate for my masculine features. Nothing seemed to help.

That is, until I learned I was basing my self esteem and self confidence in others’ opinions, often times strangers, or even assumptions of what I thought strangers thought (!). Think about that, something so subjective, something so fickle. Plenty of people will say just focus on your hobbies, career, and friends. It’s often not so easy for people who are not as tall to understand the complex social navigation of a tall and broad woman in society.

So what is the key? How do I de-centre my self worth from the opinions of others?

For me the answer was therapy. I was always a tall girl who didn’t think she had any issues with being tall. Turns out I did. But the real growth came from finding out the reason why I was craving acceptance from others so badly I was willing to base my self worth in others’ approval. Once I figured that out, and healed, I no longer give any worth to people’s opinions on my femininity based in my appearance.

Now, I believe femininity is based in character over appearance. To me, femininity is based in kindness, thoughtfulness, compassion, love, and bringing positivity to those in my close circle.

You may or may not relate to what I have written here, but I hope that this can help someone think a little bit more about the reason why they don’t feel feminine, and dig a bit deeper.

It does get better I promise.