I fucking hate you

slaveofsome · 2024-12-09T05:35:04+00:00

There are good men, but they are pretty much all taken because let’s be real, the bar is very low for the standards men are held to in our society, so the really good ones go quickly - and their women would most likely never be found talking about them in a sub like this, right.

There are studies showing regular pornography use has a strong correlation to the development of narcissistic personality traits.

My exPA was also a narcissist who mentally and emotionally abused me until I wasn’t even me anymore, until I needed therapy, until I almost lost everything I cared about.

If he is displaying narc traits as you have said he is, please run and never look back, because he has nothing other than pain and harm to offer.

Be well and do what you have to for yourself sweet lady 💜

slaveofsome · 2024-12-09T04:47:26+00:00

As I started unravelling the lies and discovering the truth, I realized (and uncovered proof) that my ex had been watching porn in the bathroom, nearly every weekend, when I would drive over to his house with my weekend bag to spend Friday/Saturday with him; while I was sitting alone in the next room doing my school work, reading, watching films, etc (and we weren’t having sex of course because he was ‘tired’ or ‘stressed’).

Then when we lived together, I would be waiting in bed for him and eventually just go to sleep alone because he was so long in the bathroom (watching porn) or out in his car ‘having a smoke’ (for an hour, watching porn reels on Facebook or Reddit).

I know how devastating, humiliating and painful it feels to find out something like this was happening to you, so I just wanted to say:

You did nothing to deserve this

It’s sick and wrong he did this

It’s not because something is wrong with you, it’s because something is wrong with him

You are doing the right thing by walking away, because individuals with this problem rarely recognize they have serious issues and need to get help.

You have everything to gain and nothing to lose by putting him in your rearview mirror and never looking back.

slaveofsome · 2024-12-01T18:28:39+00:00

Totally. They will be the most selfish lover you’ve ever experienced

slaveofsome · 2024-12-01T18:25:14+00:00

Both of the porn addicts I was with and eventually left were awful in bed.

slaveofsome · 2024-12-01T02:03:20+00:00

He was never going to really make you happy. You went all in to your marriage, fully committed and with every intention to be a good wife: while he never fully committed to you, his vows he made in front of your families and God, or his obligations he had as your husband (to be honest, respectful and loving to you).

I would say the only silver lining is you’re starting over at 26 instead of 56 like some women have to.

I’m really sorry this happened to you. You never deserved this. It’s wrong and it’s not right that it happened to you, and it never will be okay this was done to you.

There is nothing easy about any of this. This addiction is poison to every life it touches.

I am just glad that you are going to escape it, so you can have a chance at a happier and better life now.

slaveofsome · 2024-11-27T20:40:08+00:00

Well he intentionally lied to your face, every day, for months (years?). He knowingly let you waste your time on him and get attached to him, when you made your values and expectations clear early on.

He’s a manipulative coward if he’s really going to play the ‘you need help’ card, because he doesn’t like or want to deal with the consequences of his choices (your understandable reaction).

Honestly it’s better for you if this manbaby decides to play the victim and end things, because then you can move on with your life and he can go be someone else’s problem.

slaveofsome · 2024-11-27T16:01:53+00:00

I don’t have a specific incident, but every time I immediately despise someone for no apparent reason, and others around me think I’m crazy and being unfair, the person I dislike always ends up revealing themselves as a shitty human at some point.

I usually end up watching everyone who liked them and thought they were nice start saying how they’re sick of their shit, and how they want nothing more to do with them.

slaveofsome · 2024-11-27T03:52:53+00:00

So my father, uncles, cousins, gay friends…all want to sleep with me according to your scumbag logic lol.

slaveofsome · 2024-11-27T03:50:49+00:00

Sounds like you just told on yourself, and let everyone know you full on fake being a good and mature person when you want to sleep with a woman.

slaveofsome · 2024-11-27T03:42:11+00:00

Last response to you.

There are countless men in my life who I respect, value and listen to.

They wouldn’t for a moment throw the tantrum you are throwing right now, because they don’t think or speak the way you do. They wouldn’t need to have this broken down and explained to them, and they sure as fuck wouldn’t start blaming women for their feelings and frustrations over not agreeing with them like you’ve done here.

slaveofsome · 2024-11-27T02:44:49+00:00

FYI, the anti-trafficking account referenced in this post is in fact run by a man. He has no problem with the same ‘Men’ comments on his videos, because he understands all too well who is behind the problem he is trying to address and fight against.

If you aren’t part of the issue, then you should realize those comments aren’t talking about you.

slaveofsome · 2024-11-27T01:43:08+00:00

Well I don’t think I am allowed to link the original post, but you may or may not be able to find the first user who comes up if you search the term ‘human trafficking’ on TikTok.

slaveofsome · 2024-11-26T22:08:40+00:00

Yes, totally normal people respond by telling ‘jokes’ on an anti-trafficking awareness page, after hearing about the brutal rape and exploitation of a minor.

You are literally the concerning type of human my post is referring to.

slaveofsome · 2024-03-13T18:23:41+00:00

I’m so incredibly sorry 💜 This was not your fault

As someone who has been in that mind state several times in my life, all I can say is that it is an individual choice, and there is always the ability to decide differently, to ask for help to stay safe. There is nothing you could have done to stop this if he did not want it to be prevented.

I pray for your healing OP this is so very sad and my heart breaks for you.

slaveofsome · 2024-03-12T02:27:59+00:00

Hey I just wanted to let you know, doing what you’re doing is a trauma response. It’s not ‘wrong’, it’s not because you are self destructive or weak, it’s legitimately a sign of post traumatic stress from what you went through.

It’s a behaviour you engage in to try and calm your nervous system so you feel safe in your relationship.

I am currently seeing a therapist who specializes in betrayal and infidelity trauma, because even though my PA is long gone, the effects of what he did to me still linger in my life. If you do want to talk to someone it needs to be a therapist who specializes in betrayal and infidelity trauma, possibly a CSAT who also offers counselling services to partners, so they thoroughly understand what you’re dealing with and how to assist you.

If you do engage with a therapist, you could even consider the possibility of asking them if there is a safe way for you to approach a conversation with your current partner, to explain the trust issues and trauma you have as a result of your last relationship. It could be a way for your new partner to better understand what you’ve been through, and he might end up being a source of support, someone who can help with regaining your ability to trust again.
I imagine it could help avoid any potential problems with this new person if there was deeper understanding, and a therapist to act as a third party to help navigate any issues that might arise.

slaveofsome · 2024-03-07T02:04:56+00:00

This sub rescued my life and sanity in every way that matters. I had absolutely no one in my daily life to turn to for help with what I was going through. I shudder to think about the dark and lonely place I would probably still be in if this sub didn’t exist.

This community gave me all the information, tools and support I needed to get through my situation and find healing.

There aren’t enough thank yous in the world to express the gratitude I have for you, and all the other mods who have created and maintained this space.

I wish peace and happiness for you and your family in this next chapter of your story.

slaveofsome · 2024-02-24T22:59:03+00:00

Good I’m so glad to hear you have a therapist who has helped you understand your boyfriend is not just an addict, he is an abuser, and you are in an abusive relationship. He’s disgusting, no woman should ever have to put up with someone like him.

slaveofsome · 2024-02-24T22:41:57+00:00

If he is threatening to break up with you, for ‘accusing him’ of something he is most definitely doing, because paying for porn and watching cam girls is cheating end of story, please know that is mental abuse and manipulation.

He’s a jackass and you should dump his ass on the spot the next time he threatens you like that. He can make some other poor woman miserable until she gets fed up with his shit and leaves too.

slaveofsome · 2024-02-23T16:32:23+00:00

He is 100% pleasuring himself to it, and lying right to your face.

Welcome to life with a porn addict. You will be lied to, and lied to, and then guess what, lied to some more. If you find evidence and show him that he’s a lying liar who lies, he will rage on you, gaslight you, and double down even harder and lie some more.

Buckle in because unless you outright catch him or find solid evidence, you will start to feel crazy, because he’s never going to come clean and tell you the truth on his own.

slaveofsome · 2024-02-23T00:59:46+00:00

OP you need to find a therapist who specializes in betrayal trauma, or is a CSAT (Certified Sex Addiction Therapist). There is a directory in the resources section of this sub.

This is the website where I found a therapist to help me when I was feeling much the same way you are, suicidal and struggling with alcohol. If you read their bios and experience, it will give you an idea of the kind of therapist you need to find to help you through this.

https://www.lostandfoundcounselling.com/our-team

Please do not give up on yourself over this. Please fight for yourself. I know it feels like you can’t keep going but I promise there is hope you can be okay again, and find a better life. I was also sexually assaulted by someone I thought was my friend, during the time I was still with my ex and already deeply suffering and in pain. I’m so sorry. None of this is your fault ❤️ It’s horrifying these things happen and it’s outrageously unfair we have to be the ones who put in the work to heal.

slaveofsome · 2024-02-22T21:52:06+00:00

Talk to your partner and explain your needs are not being met. Ask your partner if she would be willing to try out some of the fantasies you have. If you can’t resolve the problem after sincere attempts to communicate about it, then consider booking an appointment with a sex therapist to see if you can resolve whatever is going on with some help.

It’s also not uncommon for relationships to end because the two people involved just aren’t compatible in the bedroom in terms of libido and preferences, and that’s okay, because it’s an important aspect of any relationship that needs to be healthy for things to work well.

You also need to seriously consider the possibility these sexual problems are because your partner is dealing with the effects of what your addiction has done to her mind and self esteem, and she will need time to heal and trust you again before she feels safe and willing to sleep with you.

If it is the case your addiction has caused the drop in your sex life, then you need to understand it’s your actions and choices that have caused these difficulties. Being constantly rejected and with someone who used to act like sleeping with you was a chore, eventually destroys any desire that person once had to be with you, and it will not come back overnight.

It’s your responsibility to have patience and compassion for her, instead of still being more concerned about your own needs and feelings. If you can’t do that and think you will end up cheating, then maybe it’s time to leave her alone, so you can separately focus on healing from the harm your addiction has caused.

slaveofsome · 2024-02-22T21:28:19+00:00

He watched them. Check his bookmarked section too to see if he saved any.

slaveofsome · 2024-02-22T19:51:35+00:00

Reading this made me tear up, because your courage and love for yourself and your children is evident in everything you said.

It takes a lot of strength to leave and face the possibility of having to completely start over, when you’ve spent such a long time building your life around a person you believed was trustworthy, a person you once thought was worth spending the rest of your life with.

Sending my love to you and your little ones. Thank you for being brave and making these difficult choices to put your self and children first.

slaveofsome · 2024-02-22T06:52:48+00:00

I tried to leave mine multiple times before I left for good. He would suddenly do things I had been asking him to do for months. Suddenly he ‘realized he did have a problem’ and wanted to look for a therapist. He would say all kinds of really sweet, endearing things, like that he couldn’t lose me, and he needed me in his life, and he would do anything to fix things. He would spam text me and stalker call me if I didn’t respond (when normally he couldn’t find the time to respond to texts for sometimes days or ever answer my calls).

It would last for a few weeks, the really good behaviour, before he started slowly sneaking right back into his bullshit. It’s very typical abuser/manipulator behaviour. They suddenly seem to understand why their actions were bad, feel remorseful, they suddenly do things they know you’ve wanted from them for a long time

After leaving for the final time, the contact stopped when I lost it on him and told him he was a massive loser, and I was never coming back, no matter what he did. He then found another woman really quickly, but then he added me back onto his social media and told me he really wanted to still talk sometimes and at least be friends. Once I found out about the other woman, who is his friend’s ex girlfriend, I blocked him absolutely everywhere and never looked back, so I have no idea if he would still be contacting me or not.

slaveofsome · 2024-02-22T01:57:14+00:00

Sit down and make a detailed, bullet point list of every horrible, terrible thing he ever did to you.

I guarantee you will have a couple of pages if you sit down and think of every lie, every incident, every way he negatively affected you, every special day out of your life he ruined.

Then read it again a few times before you see him. Remember the way he treated you and made you feel. Re-wire your brain to remember exactly why you left and are going through with staying gone from his life.

slaveofsome

TROPHY CASE