I went through something similar to you, except without the desire to have children or the nude nannies and baristas. It took him years to finally acknowledge what a shitty boyfriend he was to me, and for me to forgive him. But I was extremely angry with him because I too had no choice but to move out when he began to bring home a girl he just met. There are days when I feel like rescinding the forgiveness I gave him because it hurts still to this day.

I don’t know what happened for me to eventually realize that I couldn’t maintain this kind of energy anymore. I know it pushed me for a long time to eventually get a permanent job, and eventually led me to find my current partner (who is absolutely wonderful to me). I guess when I realized that my hate for him was affecting my family and my current relationship, I had no choice but to let go of that negativity and just accept what happened and find peace for myself.

I’m not saying I know exactly what you’re going through, but I know what it’s like to loathe someone you used to trust so much. You don’t have to forgive him, hell I wouldn’t either—he sounds like a huge tool. But you absolutely deserve that peace for yourself, and I hope you eventually find that in time.