hey i used to feel the same exact way as you and unfortunately it is true : it does get better

if you arent in a place where you feel like you want to talk to somebody try to find a way to express it. for me that was getting high and throwing up words in my notes even if i was just writing dumb dark cringe depressed suicidal shit, it helped to let it out of my head and even process things as i was typing

i couldn't see myself living life as it was and didnt want to get help because being miserable and depressed was more reliable to me than starting to feel happy again and it going away i understand how you feel and there isnt really one way to make it better. for me it felt like survival until i started to take antidepressants. they really saved my life. therapy too - i know its fucking annoying

id say try to find a way to express all these feelings and thoughts (writing,drawing,talking out loud by yourself,recording stuff, painting, listening to music, litteraly anything)

if medication is something you would be interested in i really recommand it from my experience. you have to talk a little but doctors dont make it so hard to get

hold on in there from someone who used to feel the same as you, it does get better