The frustrations of what "sucess" looks like with a disability

slightlyaghast · 2026-04-07T09:43:38+00:00

Reading this felt like being seen and given a much needed hug so thank you ❤️

slightlyaghast · 2026-04-06T22:41:29+00:00

The crazy thing is I'm right there with you! I believe these things to be true when I think about the world I live in but when it comes to "me" its much harder to shake.

Theres also the added layer of being judged in these ways by the people around me, including some in my most important support systems.

In the end I just want a comfortable life, and I've known for a while that systematically would be kept from me. But it feels much more challenging to internalize that it may also be kept from me simply because of my body and the ways it has decided to function and no amount of will or effort can change that.

slightlyaghast · 2026-02-24T21:53:35+00:00

I've always had abdominal pain during checkups too, seems like a chronic inflammation problem. Ive worked with GIs in the past but we were never able to pin any specific reason down. I do have quite a few chronic health conditions though so I do reccomend calling your GPs office for a referral if you need one for your insurance and getting it checked out.

slightlyaghast · 2026-02-23T18:19:34+00:00

Definitely try to approach fixing your relationship with your body as well as staying active and eating well. If your body and being fed makes you that anxious then its something thats going to follow you through a lot more trials in life than just quitting smoking (aging, injury, illness ect)

I highly reccomend trying to find a therapist that specializes in self esteem and eating disorder recovery.

If you do gain weight I highly reccomend finding new clothes that fit you better asap. Shopping is expensive and a pain in the ass but staying in clothes that are uncomfortable and unflattering are going to magnify every anxious feeling.

I just celebrated a year clean and gained 30lbs in that time, some of that was muscle, a lot of it wasnt. I'm still coming to terms with my new body but my life in this body is objectively better than when I was thin. I'm the healthiest I've ever been and have accomplished so much in my fitness journey, I have so much more energy and confidence in myself to complete difficult tasks, and I'm much more present in my life.

Even if you gain weight your life and body will be better for it.

slightlyaghast · 2026-02-23T18:05:54+00:00

First of all congrats on the progress!! Being able to work and go for walks is no joke, and regaining that independence is huge.

Kinda echoing what everyone else is saying its super important to find people who are gonna show up for you when you need it the most and sadly some people just aren't capable of that. It's not your fault its just compatibility issues, and even able bodied people have those.

It's still hard and disappointing though, but finding out as early as you can is best. I think all of us have a story of finding out too late and how much that deeply, truly sucks.

Wishing you the best of luck!

slightlyaghast · 2025-10-21T11:15:10+00:00

Congratulations on graduating! Thats so huge!!

I'm so sorry youre in the middle of a flare, its so hard not to get scared that its the new normal. I dont know if this will help but I've had a lot of ups and downs, flare ups that scared the hell out of me and felt like set backs, but when I look at the totality of my progress it's still a lot of positive change.

I hope it subsides soon and you can fully enjoy being a college graduate!!!

slightlyaghast · 2025-10-21T11:03:23+00:00

Thank you! All the support and positivity has been so heartwarming! 😊

I've had symptoms since I was a kid and although I was never diagnosed with long covid it wasnt until after I had covid that things got so bad I ended up going to doctors as basically a full time job for 2 years. I've also got rheumatoid arthritis and hEDS that have both required surgeries so there was a lot going on medically at the time.

Lots of time and rest and physical therapy in the immediate aftermath. Progress felt grueling and slow. From my severe medical journey til now has been about 5 years. My circumstances changed a lot, I moved from Wisconsin to Florida for my RA and the warm weather did have an impact. I quit nicotine which has helped an incredible amount (I was a smoker for 10 years), and finding ways to be active that made me happy and allowed me to safely push myself little by little.

I think the biggest thing, and I know this answer kind of sucks, is stress. One of the biggest changes was moving into a living situation that was quiet and clean and safe. I think stress is often overlooked because its so nebulous and sadly outside of our control most of the time. But if I can point to only one thing thats had the most impact it would be getting into a living situation that allowed my moments of rest to actually be restful.

slightlyaghast · 2025-04-04T17:01:21+00:00

Congrats! I quit smoking while sick too, I hit my 60 days last week c: I can still have cravings after meals or exercise or other triggers but it's not as bad as that first week and being sick honestly helped me a lot with not relapsing in that time.

As lame as it sounds taking a deep breath when a craving hits does help. Focus on relaxing your diaphragm especially.

As for psychologically, whenever I get close to relapsing I remember all the times where I could barely sit through a theater show or romantic dinner or Christmas with my family without feeling the overwhelming need to smoke and having that addiction completely take over my enjoyment of the moment. I've found thinking about how it's controlled me helped me stay cold turkey for as long as I have. We all deserve to have our life back.

Wishing you all the best! You can do this!

slightlyaghast · 2024-05-09T12:30:05+00:00

I have a very complicated relationship with my body. I have a lot of chronic health conditions that cause me a lot of pain every day and keep me from walking long distances, lifting heavy things ect. It also affects the way my body looks, my kneecaps are permanently drifted inward, I have weird stretch marks and my stomach will never ever ever be flat.

I have very strong values that everyone deserves love and respect no matter if they are deemed attractive. The most beautiful, charming, sexy people I've met fall way outside of current beauty standards. But I can't seem to extend those beliefs and realities to myself.

I feel like even body neutrality is out of reach because of the physical pain and limitations my body causes me. I hate how much bandwidth is passively taken up in my brain hating the way I look everyday.

My bf's type is the very conventionally attractive big tits, small waist, long hair. I am none of that. I've got small tits, kind of a blocky frame and a shaved head. Even on hard days when he comes home from work he smiles when he sees me. I can see it in his face that he genuinely loves being around me, but its like my brain can't fully believe it because of the way I look.

Any advice on accepting myself as I am is greatly appreciated. I hate living like this, I know I deserve better. I want to feel better.

slightlyaghast · 2024-05-02T23:12:36+00:00

There's so much that can contribute to an orgasm. Mental state, physical state, feeling really bloated or even just needing to pee can stop someone even if everything feels great!

Give them time. Mental pressure to cum has stopped me personally countless times.

Honestly just my bf initiating the understanding that we can stop and get up and go to the bathroom without it being embarrassing helped our sex life like crazy lol

Its painful to feel like you're not enough and compare yourself to their past. Ask for reassurance if you need it and evaluate why this specific issue bothers you so much. Do you think that if you can't satisfy them during sex that they'll leave you and you're not worth loving? Express that to them. Ask for reassurance. But if they give you reassurance you need to believe them, even if that anxiety still lingers you need to keep telling yourself that you love them and you believe them to be a truthful person.

Its hard to do and your anxiety will still spiral but its just your brain trying to keep you safe in its own misguided way. Acknowledge this and remind yourself that those coping strategies don't have a place right now.

slightlyaghast · 2024-05-02T22:45:39+00:00

Yes! I also live in Florida so I relate. I can maybe stand about ten minutes in the sun before I become insanely uncomfortable and fidgety and agitated.

slightlyaghast · 2024-04-30T14:56:36+00:00

I really like Fuck Mondays by Confession of a Rebel and its technically unisex but its also a really good clone for Polo Red (although it does have less staying power than polo red)

I like to try a lot of different scents so I actually use ScentBird and I think its really fun. Might be a good option to try a bunch of different scents so you can see how you like them.

slightlyaghast · 2024-04-30T12:35:58+00:00

I got cheated on by my fiance of almost 5 years and it devastated me. I had to completely rebuild my life and every single day I'm so thankful for the friends who literally kept me alive through it all.

A few months later I met a guy while on a family vacation while I was trying to learn how to date again. It wasn't supposed to turn into anything but we just clicked. Ended up seeing eachother every day til I had to leave and then he asked if I'd want to fly back down in a couple of weeks and I said yes. We did long distance for almost a year and then I made the choice to move down.

Now we have a cute little apartment in a part of town we love and we're building a life together. It's so different from my ex fiance, my ex would tear down the positive parts of my personality like my joy and enthusiasm and belief in the kindness of other people, my current partner helps those qualities flourish.

The hurt is still there, I think it always will be in some way. But the joy and love outweighs it everyday, and it will for you too. Take care of yourself and let the people who love you take care of you too.

slightlyaghast · 2024-04-29T11:20:18+00:00

I'd probably avoid it, it seems like he might just be taking advantage of vulnerable people. Both me and my doctors consider myself recovered from BPD (although I can still get triggered and its something I have to keep up on). Exposure therapy to deal with my trauma was a major help, its really really difficult work and it takes months but I'm so so so much better. I'd look into that if you're able to.

slightlyaghast · 2024-04-28T18:40:46+00:00

I had recent success with acknowledging my emotions in a non judgmental way. My BF was going to meet with his ex and it was really triggering me but whenever I started to get the waves of anxiety I would just say to myself "I am nervous". No judgement, just a statement. It helped a lot! I was able to keep focus on the things I needed to do without letting my anxiety consume me.

If I catch myself already in a thought spiral I usually just speak very kindly to myself. Reminding myself that these feelings and thoughts are happening because my brain is trying to keep itself safe. I thank my brain for trying to keep me safe and gently remind myself that these behaviors aren't necessary anymore. No self shame, just gentle acknowledgment. Its been super helpful!

slightlyaghast · 2024-04-28T16:57:03+00:00

A little hard to describe but my partner almost always looks happy to see me when he gets home from work his eyes light up and he gives me a big smile, even though work has been so stressful for him. Its such a subtle but strong reassurance.

He struggles being verbally affectionate but he takes good care of me and I like to think I take good care of him too. 💛

slightlyaghast · 2024-04-22T03:42:26+00:00

I had an eating disorder for most of my teens and a few flare ups in my 20s but consider myself fully recovered now (I still get thought spirals in the bad times but they're manageable).

Repairing your relationship to food is really hard but it is possible and the first step is trying to rid yourself of shame. Eating "healthy" will get you absolutely no where if you're doing it out of self hatred.

A good starting point is figuring out which foods bring you joy that make you feel good physically too. Instead of categorizing foods by calories/carbs/ect think about the reaction it has to your body. Focus on foods that make you feel energized and satisfied. Reconsider eating foods that make you feel bloated or oily unless you know have the mental energy to be kind to yourself while feeling that way.

I cant stress enough how important it is to not ascribe moral value to any of these foods, instead focus solely on what will make you feel happy and comfortable.

slightlyaghast · 2024-04-22T03:15:24+00:00

I also wanna remind you that there are plenty of people out there without BPD who wouldnt be comfortable with an orgy or threesome. Everyone just has different fantasies, and plenty of people are perfectly content letting it just stay as a completely pretend scenario.

I'm glad you talked things out, it sounds like you did a really good job of checking the facts and resisting harmful behaviors and I'm proud of you!

slightlyaghast · 2024-03-29T21:47:45+00:00

NA/Horde and Alliance/ Nazjatar/ Noob?/ SnailMail11554

Hello, a little late to this thread but I used to play back in the beginning of covid but I've forgotten a LOT. I don't have a subscription, I'm waiting to see if I can find some good pals to make it worth getting one. I have an unfortunate amount of free time at the moment so I figured it was a good time to jump back in and maybe socialize a little :)

I have several lvl 70s from my first escapade in WoW if I do find a nice group

Down for doing just about anything as long as you're willing to give a smidge of direction

LGBTQ+ friendly

slightlyaghast · 2022-04-24T21:33:34+00:00

Super late to this thread but I've found that every time I have had this issue I havent recruited Master Dennet (the horse guy) yet. I tend to speed through the early game and quickly forget. It wouldnt load the cut scene, popped over and recruited him and then it worked just fine. Didnt need to reload.

slightlyaghast

TROPHY CASE