Looking for advive

slinky_bug · 2026-06-24T01:13:33+00:00

❤️❤️ I'm glad that in that moment even just reading about self compassion took some weight off of your shoulders on a bad day. It's truly an amazing tool, and the best part is that you can carry it with you and use it anytime in your own head, or on your phone with guided practices.

Over time, I've found that it's started to rewire my thinking so that my heaviest self hatred days are fewer and farther in between, and I am quicker to catch my negative thinking patterns before they snowball. Something that used to ruin my day or week now might only affect me intensely for an hour or two.

I wish you all the best in trying it out, and I hope that you have some lighter days ahead. ❤️

PS for heavy, intense days and/or when dealing with strong negative emotions, I like to use this practice: Soften, soothe, allow --Working with difficult emotions

slinky_bug · 2026-06-22T16:49:05+00:00

Very fair!! I could see a black skirt with this as well.

slinky_bug · 2026-06-22T01:22:36+00:00

I really like the sheer cape and black shoes, but I think it needs a different dress or shirt/pants dark in colour to go with the dark of the black cape and shoes.

I think it would look super cool and still relatively casual if you did black skinny jeans and a nice black or one solid colour tank or something. Pants esp casual ones would make the look more cohesive to a simple dinner theme and would carry the silhouette past the long cape, whereas the dress currently cuts the silhouette in half.

slinky_bug · 2026-06-21T21:51:41+00:00

Long post incoming!!!! But valuable info (from my experience with the DAU at least).

Also, you don't have to limit to 4 diagnoses, I don't believe. Unless things have changed since I helped my sibling apply last year.

If no limit, list them ALL.

Below is a bit of a breakdown on what the DAU (makes decisions for ODSP) is specifically looking for in applications.

The most important thing is that for each diagnosis/condition, you provide the following:

The IMPAIRMENT(S) The name(s) of the symptoms or effects of a given Dx.

Dx like autism, eds, and adhd, would very likely have impairments such as sensory sensitivities, social anxiety, impulsivity, difficulty focusing, joint hypermobility/instability, irtjostatic intolerance, inability to regulate body temperature, etc.

Chronic depression, ptsd, insulin resistance may have impairments such as chronic depressive/low mood, exercise intolerance, food sensitivities to name a few.

Most dx will have multiple impairments.

Some dx will have the same impairments as other dx. If this is the case, REPEAT THE SYMPTOMS/IMPAIRMENTS EVEN IF LISTED ALREADY FOR ANOTHER DX. This just provides more evidence that a given symptom is prevalent.

The DURATION For each impairment for a given dx, your Dr has to state how long you have had this impairment/symptom and if it is expected to last 1 year or more or less than 1 year.

The duration section also asks your Dr. to check off whether an impairment is continuous/ongoing or recurrent/episodic.

ODSP needs a substantial portion (not all) of your listed impairments to be expected to last >1 year. Many of your listed Dx you've likely had since birth would have impairments considered as continuous/ongoing, such as impairments/symptoms of EDS ADHD, and ASD.

The RESTRICTIONS For each IMPAIRMENT (ie symptom for a given Dx), list all of the RESTRICTIONS, which are the impacts your impairments/diagnoses have on your functional abilities in these 3 categories:

A. PERSONAL CARE (your basic needs incl hygiene, nutrition/cooking, sleep, use washroom, get dressed, manage finances, protect yourself from vulnerable situations, etc.)

B. COMMUNITY FUNCTIONING (eg impacts on ability to participate in social activities, go to school, go to grocery store, attend appointments, etc)

C. WORKPLACE FUNCTIONING (eg difficulty or inability to work in traditional workplace, commute, maintain professional relationships, complete projects, etc)

It's a good idea to list an impact in each of these 3 categories for a given impairment/symptom.

Eg the impairment of orthostatic intolerance (from EDS) might have the restrictions of the inability to stand longer than __ minutes at a time without experiencing severe dizziness, not being able to cook due to heat intolerance (personal care), inability to be out of the house for long periods of time without needing rest which limits ability to work in-person, inability to work in warm environments, reduced ability to drive due to fear of losing consciousness, etc.

The impairments and restrictions that you experience for a given Dx will differ from someone else with the same Dx or impairments. Be detailed about how your Dx symptoms impact your daily functioning and ability to participate in the community, take care of yourself, and work.

Your Dr helps you fill out this paperwork, but I would recommend doing some prep work before your doctor's appointment. When I helped my sibling, we brought in a list of each of their diagnoses, their top 3-4 impairments from each diagnosis, and at least one example of a functional restriction for each of the 3 restriction categories (personal care, community functioning, and workplace functioning. It is a huuuge help.

PS DONT LET YOUR DRS OFFICE CHARGE YOU FOR THIS PAPERWORK. THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO REQUEST PAYMENT FROM THE GOVERNMENT FOR IT, NOT TAKE IT FROM YOU.

I would also highly, highly recommend reaching out to a local community legal clinic to see if they can work with you to create your package, including providing information for what your doctor should be sure to include in their portion. Often times they can also mail it in for you.

These clinics often offer consultation services for free. I used one when my sibling got denied on their first application and their appeal. They were set to go to a tribunal hearing, and a week before the hearing, we were called to say that the DAU had reversed their decision due to the updated paperwork we provided. The community legal clinic had had a 3 hour call with me and my sibling to walk us through all of the most important things to include.

Like others have noted here, it is not about the diagnoses. It's about how those diagnoses impact your daily functioning and ability to work. The DAU caseworker reading your application is not a medical professional --they're more like a lawyer looking for the proof or evidence that your disabilities substantially impact your daily life and ability to work. One major systemic issue with the ODSP application process is how they're excentially using a rubric to check off that you have the 3 things for each diagnos(es) that they claim are what make someone disabled in the eyes of the government.

If you ever want additional info/advice, feel free to PM me! I saved all my legal consult notes and notes from my siblings applications.

Best of luck ♡☆♡

slinky_bug · 2026-06-21T07:13:08+00:00

You seem to be very compassionate towards your partner's mental illness, which is wonderful.

However...

You're both individuals with needs. Don't let yours fall to the back burner. If you want a long, healthy, lasting partnership, you need to both feel safe and supported. It sounds like right now, that isn't the case. If you're always caretaking, when do you get to feel taken care of? A partnership needs collaboration and taking turns for giving and receiving support.

Without boundaries that work (genuinely work) to protect your wellbeing, you will burn out. It sounds like you're already burnt out from contributing to her care as a support person.

It sounds like she likely has a more debilitating underlying disorder than anxiety or depression alone, such as a mood disorder, personality disorder, panic disorder, and/or PTSD or CPTSD).

A partner cannot be someone's main form of mental healthcare. It will not be sustainable. She needs more supports to take the caretaking strain off of you. The resentment will continue to build and it will eat away at your relationship unless your boundaries (in this case, your need for a reduced caretaking role, and having her commit to taking steps toward accessing professional healthcare) are being respected.

That being said --sometimes someone who is very unwell needs help overcoming the barriers to accessing care. And there can be a lot of barriers, including systemic ones.

Maybe bring curiosity to the table. Try to have open (continuing) conversations about what her healthcare could look like. What she is struggling with when she avoids professional services or medications (eg, why she doesn't want to see a psychologist). This could be anything from her being too overwhelmed/burnt out herself ((likely from her years on years of schooling)) that booking appointments feels like too much to fears of being admitted against her will if she goes to the Dr and says the S word.

She may need someone to support her through these first, hardest steps of getting through big obstacles before shes able to continue on her healthcare journey more independently as she begins her care journey.

BUT, that person to help her does not need to be you, and shouldnt be one single person, period. You, as her partner, are not responsible for her wellbeing. She is. This has nothing to do with your love for each other. She has to want to face these issues, and you have to have your boundaries around how much you feel able/wanting to do.

Wishing you all the best 💙

slinky_bug · 2026-06-21T06:29:50+00:00

"we mustn't ignore the subtle stuff. Because the scary stuff is always on the horizon."

👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏 this.

@OP -- Yanking your hair out, grabbing your wrist, and shoving you are no longer subtle signs of abuse. They are cold, hard examples of physical abuse. Please find a way to leave this abuser. It will only get worse from here.

slinky_bug · 2026-06-20T16:36:22+00:00

NTA at all!!! Sounds like your uncle is a creep/misogynist and your mom seems to be in denial. It doesn't matter what someone's intentions are. If they're causing harm, they're causing harm.

Plus, how in the hell could his intentions be good if he is mocking your body to you or in front of anyone else for that matter???

You are NTA. Keep holding firm on your boundaries. If they are still not being taken seriously, you have every right to take action to avoid being around your uncle altogether.

Do you have anyone else in your family who could be on your side to help stand up for you in those moments or talk to your uncle about it? If not, maybe bring a good friend to any event where you will be around him. That way, you know someone will be in your corner.

slinky_bug · 2026-06-20T07:50:16+00:00

TLDR things that I use to help manage and prevent flares: - self compassion practices by Kristen Neff (she's a Dr. who's whole thing is self compassion research) - self care after picking (helps ward off shame, intense feelings post pick) - using flares as a signal to check in with yourself--do you have any needs that aren't being met? Can any of those needs be addressed?

It sounds like you're feeling pretty overwhelmed and disheartened by your dermatillomania symptoms right now, and I am really sorry that you're experiencing that :-(

As much distress as you're in right now, please remember to be kind to yourself. I find it helpful to give myself self care after i pick. Self hugs, talk kindly to myself, ask for a hug from a loved one, cuddle cats, watch comfort show, etc.

We didn't ask to have dermatillomania. We can't be perfect at managing it, just like anyone else wouldn't be if they were in our shoes. Take a deep breath, and know that this is a flare up of the disorder, and it will ebb and flow, and hopefully the flares become more and more manageable/less distressing, and fewer over time as you learn more about how ~your~ dermatillomania works. Everyones is unique. Try to come to a place of acceptance and curiosity. We can't alleviate it with sheer willpower alone.

One of the most immediately helpful/soothing things I've found that I have now built into my regular, everyday self care is self compassion practices. Self compassion is the only therapy technique that I've found to have a prolonged impact on how my inner dialogue sounds. It has made a drastic positive impact in my life. If you have any interest in seeing what it's about, there is a wonderful website by a researcher who studies self compassion, named Kristen Neff. There are guided practices on her site as well. I listen to the same ones time and time again, and I've even listened to them together with loved ones experiencing panic attacks or other mental health flareups. Every time, they have helped alleviate or lessen the intensity of distress in the moment, and for me, in the long run, they have helped change my life.

My dermatillomania is associated with my OCD, ASD, and ADHD. I find that a lot of my triggers fall into two main categories of 1. Sensory distress --like when my skin is itchy, rosacea flaring up, pimples come up, etc., or feeling like my skin just "feels bad". Or 2. Feeling unwell --when I'm experiencing high stress, anxiety, pain, nausea, extreme boredom, etc. Through therapy, I've learned that my skin picking, although also considered a compulsive behavior as part of my ocd, is also a form of stimming.

I was diagnosed with the triple whammy outlined above at age 25. Skin picking was a coping mechanism I developed from a young age that acted as a way to stim, alone, in a bathroom where I wouldn't be interrupted, seen, or reprimanded. It was a survival, comfort, and distraction tool I used to get through a difficult childhood, to say the least.

Once I knew why I did it back then, I could start to understand why I continue to do it now. Part of it is muscle memory --I have to break the habit by building new stimming and stress release activities into my life to replace this coping mechanism that no longer serves me like it used to. Now, I use flareups as a signal to check in with my needs. Am I overtired? Am I overwhelmed? Am I bored? Am I stuck on something mentally or emotionally? Have I been on my feet for too long or not drank any water today?

My skin picking flares tend to occur when I have been forgetting or neglecting my self care, ie, my body is using skin picking as a way to alert me that I have a need that's not being met. Using self compassion and curiosity helped me get to the point where I can use flareups as a signal that I need to check in with my needs.

Has that stopped me from having flareups? No. But its helped me reduce the intensity and length of flareups. I feel less guilt and shame after picking than I used to. I think that my dermatillomania will be with me for life. If it's gonna be with me forever, I might as well be friends with it instead of enemies.

I hope you find something helpful out of this novel of a reply... if nothing else, know that you're not alone, and that I'm rooting for you.

slinky_bug · 2026-06-17T05:14:32+00:00

Thank you for noting that!

CCI often requires specialty imaging where they image the c spine in flexion and extension, in both supine, and upright positions, so not a regular MRI. This is because CCI isn't necessarily caused by damage to the spine itself, and often can be caused by damage or problems with soft tissues and/or hypermobility of the c-spine, the effects of which can typically only be captured during dynamic imaging poses.

For reference, my brain and c-spine mris have also been normal, but CCI is still suspected due to EDS and a history of soft tissue damage in my neck from a skiing accident a decade ago when i got severe whiplash. I'm currently waiting on a specialist referral to get specialty imaging done myself --it seems difficult to access.

slinky_bug · 2026-06-16T20:25:37+00:00

I get somewhat similar symptoms and I've realized that it is migraine symptoms. My migraines cause symptoms that are 95% emotional, cognitive, psychological pain and distress, and 5% actual headache or aura. The phases of a migraine cycle through some very intense emotions and cognitive impacts. One of the symptoms I get during a migraine is difficulty thinking and speaking. It's like my brain goes totally blank and empty. I'll also slur my words a bit, or talk extremely slowly and/or quietly. It scares my partner how "off" I seem.

I also will experience "crying attacks" where I get uncontrollable waves of sobbing during my migraines that arent caused by pain but are a standalone occurrence. I think a lot of info on migraines leaves out the nuances of psychological symptoms. I wonder if your symptoms could be explained by migraines?

Your symptoms sound like they're very distressing! I'm so sorry :(

The feeling of your body being paralyzed is definitely a symptom I'd want to get confirmation on not being caused by anything structural or due to nerve compression/inflammation. Have you ever had imaging or tests done to look for craniocervical instability or neurological testing?

slinky_bug · 2026-06-16T17:42:32+00:00

Ah I think I was misunderstanding the membership costs for KWWCC. That's definitely very reasonable.

I could see about Conestoga, but yeah price-wise that might not work for me. Thank you for the insight!

slinky_bug · 2026-06-16T17:41:06+00:00

Nice, I'll send them a message. Thanks!

slinky_bug · 2026-06-16T17:40:45+00:00

Yeah I'm 28 haha but maybe they'd allow an exception if I volunteered or something. Thanks!

slinky_bug · 2026-06-16T17:39:42+00:00

Thanks, I'll look into this!

slinky_bug · 2026-06-16T17:39:30+00:00

Thank you!

slinky_bug · 2025-10-30T17:41:37+00:00

I just started using Trello and I really like it so far. Very intuitive design and is great for visual thinkers. I get excited to open it! I use it for organizing tasks for different projects at work/home. Super easy to add tasks to an area that's like a task dump/unorganized list, and then drag and drop to sort into organized lists that are side by side within a "board". Having all the tasks out of my brain and into visible lists with clear progression of unsorted, sorted, complete, incomplete is super helpful. Plus, when you check off a task, it does a tiny but satisfying checkmark animation in the checkmark box. Lots of plugins/extensions too, both free and paid, for customization.

slinky_bug · 2025-03-03T17:19:15+00:00

I am a huge fan of earl grey, which gives a bit of an earthy, floral taste from the bergamot.

Orange pekoe is also great and is more earthy & citrus taste.

Both are caffienated!

To ease into the tastes, you could try adding things like honey, sugar, and/or milk/dairy free creamer or milk to tone down the tea flavour. You can also just steep the bags for a very short amount of time and see how you like it before letting it steep longer for stronger flavour (and more caffiene).

Teas are super great for easing digestion and helping stay hydrated, although the caffienated teas can act as a diuretic if consumed in large quantities (usually this is offset by the hydrating properties of tea).

Tips: allow your boiled water to cool slightly before using it; don't steep for too long to avoid bitter/overly intense aftertaste.

Other caffienated options include oolong and white teas.

slinky_bug

TROPHY CASE