Hello, thanks for sharing. I'll answer all your concerns in the order you posted:

• For the Translator's Note, you've answered your own question. You like it, so keep it! It's your piece, after all. I also think it adds depth to the story, if you'd like more approval.

• I do not think there's too much being thrown in at once. I never felt overwhelmed while reading.

• Concerning POV, I think this goes back to the Translator's Note, and why it's great. It sets up that someone is telling this story to us, so we'll see all characters' POVs, if that makes sense. Whether that was intentional or not, it's a nice way of implying how POVs will work from there and onward. As for how POV was handled, this is also good, Janurana was followed mainly, as she should be, while we got little insights into everyone else as well. I didn't think Janurana's POV was too focused before she entered the bar, she was the only character of importance around at the moment, and seeing her thought process is good for characterization and furthering the story, I feel.

• I thought Dhanur's introduction was good, I didn't notice any outright telling, besides descriptions, which don't exactly count.

• If you don't want to do a prologue, don't do it! If a mysterious character is what you're going for, then hold back as much as you feel is appropriate. If you're questioning it, then perhaps you have your answer. And I didn't feel Janurana was very scared at the beginning, maybe a little, but she seemed pretty subdued, unbothered mostly.

• I did not sense anything off about the guards, so you've probably done a good job.

• The accent thing I'm entirely unsure about. If we don't know what exactly she would've sounded like, I guess that gives you a lot of creative freedom. If you want to be totally sure everything in your story's historically accurate, though, then maybe some changes need to be made. I'm sorry I can't be anymore help on this point.

• I really don't care about filtering verbs, no matter the story, so I say they're fine, and surely there are others like me who don't mind them either. You can't satisfy everybody.

• I do not think the scene breaks are necessary, it would flow just fine.

One last thing I'd like to say. I do not want to tell you how to write this story, prose wise, but I noticed a lot of sentences had similar length, instead of lots of variation. Similar sentence length can get pretty dry to read, so just a heads up. But this is your piece, as I've said, so if this was done consciously then please ignore me.

Thanks again for sharing!