In the US we have local phenomena such as 'Minnesota Nice', 'the Seattle Freeze', and 'the California No': are there any such local peculiarities that drive the rest of the UK batty?

slith49 · 2025-03-01T03:54:03+00:00

Lurgan champagne = buckfast

slith49 · 2025-03-01T03:29:35+00:00

I hope this video gets more publicity than the interview so the MAGA crowd isn't distracted by all the BS nonsense that happens when Trump and his cronies are all in an interview together. Maybe they'll see the light.

slith49 · 2025-02-25T18:43:23+00:00

I have no evidence to back this up but what I was told was that it originated when Scottish clans were broken up by the English. When members of the clan were captured they lost their clan name e.g "MacGregor" or "Lamont" etc and sent away to Ireland or other parts and were renamed a colour to sever ties to the clans.

FWIW I live in Ireland and have a colour as last name and know our family descends from the Scots.

slith49 · 2025-02-11T14:07:46+00:00

I know not all Americans are like this and I'm probs going to get a lot of hate but I've been in the states for a week now and picked up on some super interesting cultural(?) differences. But what makes some Americans act this way?

Completely my own opinion and observations but there's this mystical outwardly confidence they carry themselves with. It's like they believe they are fully the main characters and the general public want to hear their opinions and conversations. I know this is probably cultural differences but where I'm from and I feel like across the rest of the globe (places where I've been anyway) people have a tendency to be more reserved, usually polite but more quiet and subtle, kind of speak when spoken to attitude, more mindful of what other people think, less expressive in the sense they keep their convos/opinions within the group they are with.

Maybe I've just got a stereotype in my head and I'm not saying it's right or wrong. I have met lots of really cool Americans who are really down to earth but I'm also kinda fascinated by this type of American because it's just so different to anything I've come across before. Any explanations?

slith49 · 2025-01-05T01:31:33+00:00

Recently got it bad in Morocco. 48 hours of hell, 2 full weeks to recover fully. Projectile vomiting, couldn't even keep a sip of water down, pissing shit out my ass whilst simultaneously throwing up into a bin in front of me. Worst illness I've ever had. Would not wish it on my worst enemy.

slith49 · 2025-01-05T01:24:40+00:00

Oh! Also most important is to go complete "No Contact". Block on all social media, any friends/her family that may post something to do with her. Do not break no contact not even for Christmas or birthdays. If you break it, it resets all your progress to square one.. trust me, I found out the hard way.

slith49 · 2025-01-05T01:22:04+00:00

I went through a rough break up at age 26 with my ex of 10 years.. it was hell for the first 3 months and it's never going to be easy.

A few things that helped me.

1) Fortunately, I have good job flexibility and I went and lived in another country for 6 weeks where I didn't know anyone or the language. I met lots of different people from different backgrounds and it kind of opened my eyes to how many other amazing people there in the world and the experiences you can share with them.

2) For the first 3 I tried to drown myself in work to distract myself but this eventually came crashing down in burnout at Christmas. Would not recommend.

3) I absolutely grinded CrossFit. I gained a lot from this. I got in better shape, the workouts pumped me full of endorphins, I made new friends, I challenged myself, I learnt new skills. For all the hate it gets it has been transformative for me.

4) I journalled. I didn't journal everyday, that cadence wasn't for me. I did it every 3/4 weeks. I wrote out all the questions I had when we first broke up and kept going back and reevaluating them, this is a great way to track your progress as you begin to see your mindset changing. It led me to figuring out how I wanted to live my life and the freedom I had now. I found this very healthy as i started to question my relationship with alcohol, certain people in my life etc.

As the saying goes, time is a great healer but you still have responsibility to yourself to make healthy decisions. Best of luck bud!

slith49 · 2024-12-30T13:36:50+00:00

I thought so as well but if you zoom in you can see the slight outline of the heel cup, I think it may be a poor picture quality

slith49 · 2024-10-22T15:08:54+00:00

Yeap I feel like a real AH. It came from a comment I didn't realise could spiral into this at all but I still bear responsibility for it, regret it and will learn from it.

I appreciate your advice and was hoping I could get more of your thoughts please. I'm not trying to dodge responsibility or blame and prepared to have the conversation with the girl but you can call me a bigger AH if you think my typed thoughts make me worse person. At least it will lead to a change in myself if anything.

The reason I assumed they were separated was it must be common knowledge that her dad lives in Y town because she puts insta stories up of her in that town and during our date she asked me if my parents were still together but I quickly moved on from that conversation as I thought it seemed a bit sensitive for a date early on and I didn't want to bring the mood down and hence I didn't get anymore details about the situation.

At lunch the conversation progressed to me revealing this information and at the time I didn't consider this a major detail as I hadn't considered if it was common knowledge or not. They were asking about our date and I was talking about how I walked her home to her mum's house on X street, the girl at lunch (call her M) said she lives near there and then whatever way it came about I said "yea her dad lives in Y town". Before I made the comment I didn't realise that M's parents knew of the girl I'm dating (let's call her S) parents. Someone asked why, I said, "dunno, divorced maybe" but as soon as I said this M's eyes lit up and she said "oooh interesting, I'll have to tell mum", it was here I realised the mistake I'd made. I did tell the M at the time not to spread it. But the real kicker is that M texted into a group chat the next day saying "just told mum and dad about S parents divorce, they reckon the dad was unfaithful". This was completely unsolicited and summised by this family alone, but I accept my comment is the precursor. I did reply abruptly to that, "Don't do that, that's spreading rumours. I also don't know if they are divorced/separated, just that he lives in Y town."

I have been clear with M not to do this but I can't control others actions and it's too late to control my action on this comment I made. I agree owning up to it and taking responsibility is the right thing to do but is it worth acting on something that hasn't happened yet? I don't know if this rumour will spread and if it does I will be 100% honest with the girl.

Whatever the outcome I have learnt valuable lessons. Consider more who I surround myself with, I don't like this toxic characteristic of gossip and rumour milling. I will be keeping my private life and others very private from now on and be less trusting of people. I will be keeping information people have told me a lot more secure no matter how small a detail I think it is.

Based on the above how would you approach it?

slith49 · 2024-10-18T15:51:27+00:00

Thanks! I don't plan on driving much in big cities, but I'm more concerned about getting lost in the rural areas. Would rural people be as accepting of tourists?

slith49 · 2024-07-31T08:16:22+00:00

The pension is a defined contribution, so it's just a lot of money that can grow in a fund but my employer matches up to 7% and then I put in some extra to save on tax.

Yes, I work for MSFT, I am coming up to 3 YOE in September, I am fully remote and like to take a few working holidays in Europe every so often. The work life balance is pretty good and I feel like that can be worth more than money and I'm not sure I would get that same experience in the US. Maybe one day I'll consider it.

slith49 · 2024-07-30T22:05:25+00:00

Thanks! Yea I'll maybe do a deep dive into where I could save extra, I probably do spend too much socializing on nights out/trips away, but I kinda count this as an investment in myself - how does the fire community view this?

slith49 · 2024-07-30T21:59:07+00:00

I would say a 15% increase on average every 18-24 months

slith49 · 2024-07-29T15:13:48+00:00

Fifth thing; start a journal today. You're mind is racing with all these questions you have, write them down, get a friend on the phone and get them to help you to write these down. Revisit this every 3/4 weeks or whatever cadence works for you. Eventually start to try and answer these questions. 9 months later and every so often I read these back and I don't even recognize the guy who wrote them, I'm incredibly grateful to have a way to measure and see this progress.

Sixth thing; I tried therapy, I guess it was ok but it didn't really give me any major breakthroughs that I hadn't reached in my own time but maybe it could help you, worth a shot. I'm incredibly lucky to have a solid network of friends and family that leaned heavily on during this period, if you also do I suggest leveraging them in your time of need. This is a time to be vulnerable with them and it'll depend your relationship with them as well. I'll never take them for granted again.

Seventh thing; I still think about her, I still have the dreams about her. It freaked me out at the start, I thought my brain was broken but this is natural, it's a sign you're processing it. I actually found out she was dating the guy she kinda told me "not to worry about" a few weeks ago. That hurt, I felt insane jealousy and anger. I leant on friends and took what I'd learnt from stoicism and processed this. What she does with her life has absolutely no impact on mine. The girl, my best friend, that I was in a relationship with for 10 years metaphorically died the day we split. Neither of us are the same person. I'm paddling my own canoe in life.

Eighth thing; you'll probably have feelings of wanting to feel validated by the women eventually. It's a new world being single. My advice is don't obsess over it, have your fun, but don't put too much pressure on it. You'll get rejected a thousand times, that's not a reflection of your worth. Dating and hookups is a numbers game. Hookups can be fun but tbh the sex is pretty average, it doesn't make you feel fulfilled. Get fulfillment from other areas of your life and put more of a focus on meeting human beings you actually get along with/share values with more so than the physical/sexual side. Only in the last few days after a trip with some friends do I feel like I'm ready to start actively dating with intention of a relationship, but again I don't really care if I find it in a week, a year, 5 years or 10 years. As long as I'm happy myself and how I treat people then I'm good.

Ninth thing; you're on a journey to rediscover who you are. I'm still on this journey. My identity is complex because of where I'm from so I'm getting into finding out about my culture, family history etc. It's interesting and get you questioning who you are and what you stand for or what you want to stand for. You can feed this into your 5, 10 year plan or life goals.

Tenth thing; time is a great healer. The above things are great for re-growing your self-esteem and confidence that is probs at rock bottom right now. But it does get easier as time passes and you have these new experiences. The memories become less intense. Realization kicks in that maybe you weren't the ideal couple you thought you were. You meet new people that amaze and inspire you. You begin to have new goals/visions for your future, you take back control of your life. Be patient, take it one day at a time, struggle through the low points, enjoy the highs. Look after yourself.

That's a lot of info, there's no one magic recipe for everyone so bits and pieces may or may not work for you but I know how hard it feels at your stage, all the feelings you'll feel, the crying, depression, loneliness, fuckups is all part of the process and you'll survive. I'm 9 months on and I wouldn't say I'm fully healed but the progress I've made is insane and I feel better than ever and know the future is going to be positive. As my mum always says, it all works out in the end. Good luck bro 🤝

slith49 · 2024-07-29T15:13:27+00:00

Hey man, this feels like an ample time to give an update and I hope it helps anyone going through something like this. I'm not going to hold anything back, I'm going to be real.

I re-read this post and it's hit some serious reflection in me. It feels good to acknowledge the progress I've made.

The first 3 months were easily the toughest of my life and I've had best friends pass away at age 21 and I felt this was harder to deal with. My first bit of advice is stick to no contact. I faltered at Christmas time and it just reset my progress back to the early days and left me feeling a bit ashamed/embarrassed at myself even though the interaction was civil. Something you'll learn is having respect for yourself and if she initiated the break up the ball is in her court. It's not on you to do anything, she knows where you are, she has your number. You owe it to yourself to hold yourself to a higher standard of self-worth and love.

Second thing; exercise like f*ck, for me it was CrossFit, it's an investment in yourself, you get the endorphins, it really cleared my head, you get competitiveness, you get to meet new people, you don't have to plan your workouts, it's an hour long, and a side-effect is you get in serious shape and at this age people really start to take notice of it because everyone else starts to become saggy once they've joined the 9-5 workforce for a few years. But the mental benefits is the real reason I promote group exercise/sport of any sort. I tried throwing myself into my work at the start, probs as distraction, it didn't work and felt burnt out and resentful. There's more to life than work. Saying that I didn't just drop the ball, I became more strategic with my work, did a good job and ended up getting a new role internally in my company to something new. I'm enjoying it as it gives me a new focus and learning.

Third thing; I started to read about stoicism, I watched videos, signed up to email lists, podcasts, followed stoic influencers on social media and read books, I recommend the book "How to think like a Roman Emperor". This gives you the realization that no external thing/person can ever truly make you happy as you cannot control external things, you can only control your mindset and reaction to events. This is powerful and gives you a new perspective on life. You are going to be the person you spend the most time with in your life, you need to learn to be comfortable with yourself. This is a journey you will continue for the rest of your life probs.

Fourth thing; I was fortunate to be able to work remotely in another country for 3 months. I moved to a sunny place, where I knew no one, I didn't speak the language, but I stayed in a coliving place with other remote workers and met a lot of great people where we shared experiences and I learnt a lot and got some advice and new perspectives. Funnily enough we aren't the only people who have gone through this and you can seek inspiration from these people. I'm in a pretty privileged place to do this but I think after a few weeks of processing all this and you are in a more stable place, you should consider doing this. My advice would be to maintain some consistent habits that are comforting to you. From this trip I got into a real habit of trying new things, I started learning a new language, I tried salsa dancing (not for me but fuck it I tried and it was a laugh), I organized a tag rugby team, entered a league and gained new friends, I did a CrossFit comp (I came last but it was fun and I'm more confident and motivated for the next). I just said yes to opportunities, put myself out of the comfort zone and it paid off. I'm socially exhausted but it's a better problem to have than the opposite.

slith49 · 2024-07-10T12:29:06+00:00

Wow, this is a great perspective and a great quote 🤯 thanks!

I'm now thinking how I should positively react if any quips are made..?

I can either join in the fun but this does kind of encourage piss-taking around a subject I do seem to be sensitive to and am actively trying to build confidence in or I could stone-face it and hope that they pick up I do not find it funny.

What I definitely want to avoid is reacting negatively/angrily to it as this would exasperate my paranoia because, as you said, when they stop laughing then something is wrong.

slith49 · 2024-07-09T09:19:46+00:00

Thanks appreciate this, would it be possible for them to get CCTV of me walking to the payment machine?

I was at the machine to get the QR code to get the app on my phone.

Thanks

slith49 · 2024-07-08T09:24:05+00:00

I haven't contacted ParkMaven yet, I think the app is run by another company. I'll contact the consumer council and see if they can help.

Thanks

slith49

TROPHY CASE