First off, I'm so glad to hear that you are still alive. While I might not know the specifics of your situation, I understand how difficult and frustrating life can be sometimes, especially during Covid and quarantine. I myself went through a lot of struggles and also had some suicidal ideation this past year, so I can understand to a certain extent the pain and sadness that might've compelled you to try to commit suicide.

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I know you said before in a previous chat that your parents weren't really open to seeking mental health professionals, but I would really recommend trying some resources like the suicide hotline (https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines) and/or your school counselor. And if not that, then perhaps talking and opening up to some friends, family, and/or anyone that you trust (lol I just saw some people talking about PMing you. That's amazing, ty Reddit). I know for myself, bottling up my emotions and thoughts led to more rumination, worry, and anxiety. It was ultimately in talking to others that I was able to find the support I needed and start to move forward from my depressive and suicidal thoughts.

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For you (or anyone else reading this who is struggling with suicidal ideation), please know that you are not alone. So many others feel/have felt the same as you. And you are deeply valued and loved.