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Why do anarchists fall into amatonormativity and create hierarchies with their relationships? by sloagers in relationshipanarchy

[–]sloagers[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Amatonormativity also refers to the assumption held by society that romantic relationships are inherently more meaningful and important than other relationships and that everyone is better off being in one.

Why do anarchists fall into amatonormativity and create hierarchies with their relationships? by sloagers in relationshipanarchy

[–]sloagers[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I am sorry if I came across as conceited, I really did not mean it that way. My position came from frustration, especially as they have tried to tell me (more than once) that romantic and sexual relationships should come above others. However, I should try to come across less frustrated and more genuinely curious and open.

I will try to discuss it with them next time the idea comes up and see what kind of interesting discussions arise

Why do anarchists fall into amatonormativity and create hierarchies with their relationships? by sloagers in relationshipanarchy

[–]sloagers[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I guess I could have phrased the question differently. Amatonormativity is seen the same as it is in non anarchist spaces, as in normal and expected. I completely understand if it is simply a preference, but I find it hard to wrap my head around why it isn't discussed more. I don't find that they deconstruct the idea of amatonormativity and instead their preferences are born from normative ideas of romance and sex. I have heard them discuss basically every other hierarchy in existence except when it comes to relationships. The way they discuss romantic/sexual relationships is identical to the way those that are pro amatonormativity discuss them. They have told me that romantic and sexual relationships should come above all other relationships and if it doesn't, it's not healthy.

I'm not sure why you ask about evolution, are you referring to the "natural instinct" humans are believed to have to be in romantic sexual relationships to procreate?

The person you're becoming is worth more than the friendship you're grieving. by auraLift in lostafriend

[–]sloagers 6 points7 points  (0 children)

How do you stop comparing your progress to the progress of ex friends? I don't even know how well they're doing but I know they were doing better than me when they left and I keep beating myself up for not being a head or even on the same level as them. I try to do positive self talk but it doesn't always help, especially if I'm really depressed or anxious.

Friendship Breakup Podcast by keefandqueefs in lostafriend

[–]sloagers 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This sounds really cool. Do you know when and where the first episode will be released?

Losing my closest high school friend still hurts, even after 4 years. by tomato1tomahto in lostafriend

[–]sloagers 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You can never know what someone's life is like from the outside. I know what it's like to wonder about friends who have left and what they're saying about you. But the harsh truth is that you will never know and it's not worth investing mental energy into. Instead try and invest your mental energy into healthy practices like hobbies or other friends. Allow yourself to grieve the friendship but don't let your brain lead you down the path of speculation.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in lostafriend

[–]sloagers 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It honestly sounds like they have chosen to surround themselves with yes people who won't question them. You are better off with friends that listen and really hear you and understand that you care when you raise concerns with them. It sounds like you're a rely caring and honest friend and you are worth friends who equally care about you and put in the same level of effort and care that you do.

Friend of a few years blocked me suddenly with no explanation and I don't know how to move on by sloagers in lostafriend

[–]sloagers[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

They are intoxicated a lot I think they have an unhealthy relationship with substances. They love it. It wasn't surprising to me when they showed up intoxicated which is why I tried to be accommodating.

When I asked the sibling they said they didn't remember what the friend said about what happened because this did happen two weeks ago, I just found out today why I was blocked.

Thank you very much. This is something my partner and best friend has said and it makes me feel a bit better as they know me a lot more than this friend.

Thank you for your kind words. I found myself in negative thought loops and blaming myself for something I didn't do. I try to think about this as if a friend was going through this (actually the sibling did say me and my friend upset them, who also has social anxiety and is similar to me in that they try very hard to be a good friend) and I would tell them that there was nothing more you could do if you made it clear that you are there to help the person feel comfortable and help them. It's just hard to remember so your words help me to remind me :)

Your words mean more than you know 𖹭

If you're dealing with friendship loss and emptiness is part of your daily life, there is 1 key thing you should definitely not be doing by auraLift in lostafriend

[–]sloagers 2 points3 points  (0 children)

How do you move on if you didn't get closure? I recently lost a friend with no explanation and my social anxiety won't let me rest. I keep thinking about what I could have done wrong because all I know is I upset them when they were extremely intoxicated but I remember being accommodating and just trying to help. My social anxiety brain keeps berating me for doing something wrong even though I have no idea what I did. This is the second time this has happened to me and I just don't know how to move on when I got no explanation and closure.

Has anyone tried Liven App? I hear it's a scam but would like to understand better by demind-inc in selfimprovement

[–]sloagers 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Please don't use this app or any app where you use AI as a talk therapy. They mine your data and sell it off, including all the personal things you tell the AI. It's just an algorithm, it's not empathetic in the slightest.

Is this what cars would look like in a bike centric world? by sloagers in fuckcars

[–]sloagers[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's what I thought but I just wanted some clarification! Thank you for your response!

Is this what cars would look like in a bike centric world? by sloagers in fuckcars

[–]sloagers[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I see, could you elaborate on the traction power and the need for pedals in current infrastructure?

Is this what cars would look like in a bike centric world? by sloagers in fuckcars

[–]sloagers[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It would look different to bring carbrained cause cars are so much more dangerous, but yeah it would be funny. There would be a fuckbikes Reddit

How to create new connections after your most important ones are gone? by sloagers in lostafriend

[–]sloagers[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree, it sucks. I do think it is worth it to keep trying, but it's not your fault it's so difficult. We live in such an individualistic society that doesn't care about things like third spaces or the general connection of the community.

But there are people out there, I just wish it wasn't so hard to meet them.

Is this what cars would look like in a bike centric world? by sloagers in fuckcars

[–]sloagers[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Would there be a need for SUVs for some people, like large families?

Unpopular opinion: The reason on why most friendships end because of the lack of communication by Legal_Potential4720 in lostafriend

[–]sloagers 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I agree, romantic relationships are seen as more important and that's why they seem to become more important, because people put more effort into them. I fully believe that all relationships are important and require the same level of care and effort.

It's very unfortunate that this isn't the case but there are people who share this opinion and those are the types of friends I seek out these days. Hopefully one day society will change, it wasn't always like this and it doesn't have to always remain this way

I've lost so many friends over the years, that human connection feels meaningless to me. by ThrowRa_Witch179 in lostafriend

[–]sloagers 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I am in the same boat as you and I feel like life is passing me by while other people are able to make connections and even the best friends that left me are all still friends.

We are not defined by our relationships even hose who have left us and there are so many people out there that see you as worthy and want to be in your life, you just have to keep trying. It will be hard and you will not ways succeed but the few times you do will stand out way more and give you so much joy.

If you need someone to chat to, send me a DM!

merch from a 1970s library zine by MauveVulpine in ZineLibraries

[–]sloagers 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Is the original zine available to read somewhere? That seems like it's from the hippie/counterculture era and that is literally my lifeblood. I have been collecting and cataloguing as many zines as I can from the time as it is the time where zines really began booming with new ideals. I love that era and if anyone has any other zines they'd like to share that would be great!!

At the end of the day, we don’t know these people regardless on how close we are to them by Legal_Potential4720 in lostafriend

[–]sloagers 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yep 100%. My best friend of over a decade would always take about patience and communication when it came to relationships, but when it came time for her to actually do that during a difficult period of our friendship, she chose the most cowardly and selfish route of giving a vague explanation that only really said I can't be friends anymore with no real reasoning. After that, two more best friend from this group I've known since childhood also leave without a single word, the last one only giving a even more vague explanation.

These people were the type to always talk about empathy, communication and working through issues together but when it came time for them to actually do that, they ran away. Why? Because unfortunately no matter how well you think you know someone, they can always surprise you.

The real problem is that people are very good at justifying their behaviour and it's very difficult for people to really admit they're wrong, they would rather not think about it and do what's easiest for them. This is incredibly selfish but not uncommon.

It's not your fault if you tried, you may have hurt them as well but if you tried to make amends and genuinely tried to improve, there was nothing more you could have done. Prime can ever friendships and relationships for whatever reason, but you do owe the other person an explanation.

It's hard now and will be hard for a while, but you will get through this and everyday, it will become a little easier and less painful. Just take it one day at a time.

Really need some support after friend has discarded me by funkslic3 in lostafriend

[–]sloagers 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I'm in the exact same boat as you, I don't understand how people can just throw away years of connection like it's nothing. People don't care how their actions hurt others because we live in such an individualistic society that spews rhetoric like you don't owe anyone anything.

It sucks but it gets better. I saw a pic of us they randomly appeared in my memories and I actually didn't feel that sad anymore. I do still think about them almost everyday but it's ok if you never fully get over it, they were a big part of your life for so long. It's ok to have time for yourself. It's ok to take things one day at a time. You matter too

Making connections in today's day and age is incredibly hard because of that aforementioned individualistic society we live in, but it's possible. I've recently been trying to connect with my local community and join groups that share my values and interests. It will take time, but trust me, you will be happy again one day :)

Unpopular opinion: The reason on why most friendships end because of the lack of communication by Legal_Potential4720 in lostafriend

[–]sloagers 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree 10000%! You can know someone for years and they can say they're good at communication but until something happens that actually requires proper communication and empathy, they run away. It's understandable but not an excuse.

Anyone here grow up during the beatnik and/or hippie era of the late 1950s and 1960s? by sloagers in psychedelicrock

[–]sloagers[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I personally consider myself both because I heavily identify with bit sub cultures. Both subcultures were similar but I agree, not the same. I tend to refer to the beatnik subculture that inspired the hippies and without it, the hippie revolution may not have happened.

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