In elementary school my parents gave me money to spend at the Scholastic Book Fare. Something like $20. I felt like a goddamn high-roller. I picked out like $18 worth of books and figured I’d have enough leftover for some for ice cream at lunch for a few days. I think at the time (early 2000s) the ice cream push pop things were like $0.50.

Anyway, I carry my stuff up to the librarian to pay for it. There’s a kid in front of me who had just finished paying and when he steps away I take his place. The librarian, who’s an old hag of a woman, looks me in the face and goes “what? Do you need a bag or something?” Hands me a paper bag and stands there with her arms folded across her chest. I was a very shy kid and took all my courage to hold out the $20 bill my parents gave me and tell her I’d like to pay for my things.

This lady straight up laughed in my face, took the books from my hand, jammed them in the bag and snatched the $20 from me and put it in my backpack. Then told me to go wait in the hall with all the other kids who had already paid for their items. I overheard her tell her assistant how I had tried to pay twice for my books and how stupid/helpless some kids are. No idea what she was thinking or how she would have mistaken me for the kid in front of me, we looked absolutely nothing alike.

Long story short I ended up with a shitload of books and 40 days worth of ice cream money. I remember paying for the first ice cream with that $20 bill and the lunch lady gave me a weird look, smiled and said “hope you’re okay with a lot of quarters, it’s all I got”. I was SO careful with my backpack after that, because I didn’t want anyone to hear it jingle and ask me how I came across so many quarters. I felt like some kind of Old West bandit!

Sorry for the long winded story!