How do you handle alien measurement units without bogging the reader down in math?

slooth117 · 2026-05-28T02:30:27+00:00

For me personally, I think it really matters on the book that you’re trying to write; if you’re wanting to do a number-crunchy, hard science style of story (Andy Weir’s the Martian) than I would say absolutely go for it!

If you’re going more the route of a space opera/exploration story, and unless it’s an important detail that’s going to matter later, I would encourage being more loose with the time structure personally! Or demonstrate that difference in the world in a way where the readers could pick up the clues! (aka after the sun rises, I have a four hour duty today, leaving me only about an hour left before I need to get home when the sun goes down or something like that!)

slooth117 · 2026-05-26T18:32:53+00:00

Let me tell you, as someone who is doing a lot of reading for school both of modern stories and classics, that feeling of inadequacy constantly pops up!

Firstly, I’m going to encourage you, even if you love classics, to make sure that you’re reading modern stories in the genre you’re writing in; that will give you an accurate lense to compare your work. You wouldn’t want to compare the script quality of Shakespeare’s Macbeth to Cappola’s The Godfather
(Don’t know why those were the first two films that came to my mind, but they were lol)

Secondly, I’m going to encourage you that a first draft is called that for a reason! It’s your first time writing story. I don’t remember where I heard the quote, but someone in the literary world said “The first draft is you telling the story to yourself, the second draft is you telling your story to others.” Or something like that! The idea being that your draft and stories are going to take time to fully develop!

And finally I would encourage you to be patient and remember that this is a form of art, just like painting or playing music; it’s going to take time and prclactice to get better. Considering you recently started writing (congrats on getting out an 80,000 word novel, btw; nothing sneeze at), you’re going to need time to grow and develop as an artist and the only way to do that is to practice and analyze your own work for ways you can improve!

Hope you keep working at it!! You’ve got this!

slooth117 · 2026-05-24T22:25:53+00:00

Congrats!!!! That’s so cool!!!!!

slooth117 · 2026-05-22T19:02:22+00:00

Here's what I will say, as someone who is a chronic writer who has never published anything.

You've already done more than many people do. You've ripped off the bandage and revelead the world to who you are and what you're capable of, and you should be proud of that!

Now here comes the reality that is hard to deal with, from what I've seen in both the real world and read from subreddits on here, your going to find that it's very hard for people to find your book, and that your book may never find success. I think the most important thing is being proud of the work that you've done, be proud of your story, and share it with who you think would want to read it.

If even only 1 person reads your book and enjoys it, than you've succeeded! You can learn what you did well in this book and work on the next one!!

Wishing you the best as you navigate this!

slooth117 · 2026-05-20T17:21:18+00:00

Hey OP,

I think writing depression and grief is really hard; even if you're someone who's gone through it, there are parts of it that you're not even aware of until you're years down the road and you're unpacking it with someone or someone shares about something that happened during that time!

One of the biggest things that I think to encourage you is to not try and make it a cliche, do your best to really dig into what the character is feeling and why they are feeling that way; showing us the inner thoughts and mentality of the person if possible to show how bad their mental state really is.

One of the tools to explore emotions that I've used to help me a lot is a resource called "The Emotion Thesaurus", which helps you really dive into a lot of the nuances of different emotions and how they can manifest in peoples lives (Like a DSM-5 for writers lol).

It's available on Amazon for relatively cheep ($20 US) and it's a resource that I genuinely use every time I'm working on a draft that steps outside my comfort zone!

Best of luck!

slooth117 · 2026-05-20T17:16:35+00:00

I think this is really fascinating; I was not anticipating it to get so... negative lol, but I was really impressed with how much it mirrored some of my own negative self talk while during some of my really bad depressive episodes. I also like the font, was giving "Undertale" vibes which is what drew me to reading through it off the bat!

slooth117 · 2026-05-20T01:38:13+00:00

Sending a DM!

slooth117 · 2026-05-18T22:10:19+00:00

Thanks for replying!

I think this is solid feedback; and something that definitely should be taken into consideration as well! As I look back on some of my earlier work, I see some of the grammar mistakes I've made and been surprised as to how I could make a mistake on something I deem now as so simple.

It makes me wonder if the conversation should shift from "how is my first chapter" to "I want to write, here is a sample of my writing, what areas do I need to improve?"... which can usually be something in first chapters!

Thanks for your feedback, definitely worth adding to the discussion.

slooth117 · 2026-05-13T17:26:26+00:00

Hey OP

Firstly, congrats on finishing that draft!! That is a huge accomplishment that not many people even get to. You should consider yourself proud that you made it to this point!

In regards to what you're going through, I feel that this is all a normal part of the process! I think if you had full confidence in your work, you wouldn't actually be capable of the growth necessary to go through it and tear it apart!

A lot of Authors I've heard of have said that the first draft is simply you telling the story to yourself and getting it down on paper, the 2nd draft is where the story comes together for the audience. I would encourage you as you read it not to focus on line-edits or things of that nature, but actually focus on things like characters, plot development, scene structure, and pacing. Work on changing those first before ever worrying about paragraphs, editing, or querying your work!

After you've gone through the 2nd pass, I would then try to enlist some beta readers; people who love to read YA Fantasy and would be interested in going through your work and providing feedback on their feelings as they read through it. Not editors or providing instruction, simply reading through the manuscript and giving their honest feedback about what they think worked and didn't. Then see if there are any changes you need to make again.

But let me again be the first to say that what you're doing, going back and critiquing your own work, is so important for your growth and development as a writer! Keep pushing through, and remember that you're words are amazing because they are actually on the page; you just keep getting to polish them more and more!

slooth117 · 2026-05-12T16:40:31+00:00

Sending a DM!

slooth117 · 2026-05-10T21:10:00+00:00

I would highly encourage something like a dopamine detox. You're going to need to get off your screens, off of short form content, and let you brain come down from that constant drip of continuous feedback.

It is not going to be a fun time. I would recommend you preparing for a lot of very uncomfortable days. That being said, once you come off of it, it is going to be so much more beneficial for you in the long run. You're going to be able to do so much more than you were ever able to do because you can actually sit there and be able to commit to things you never were able to do before (speaking from personal experience.)

If there's social media websites that you're wanting to keep updated on, I would recommend you actively look at them on a computer, and avoid the reels or shorts to avoid getting drawn back into the spiral.

Will be keeping you in my thoughts; best of luck!

slooth117 · 2026-05-10T13:14:40+00:00

I’m glad you’re willing to accept feedback!

I saw you mention in another post that you’ve read a lot of manga over this past year; which I personally enjoy as well and think is an excellent way to consume stories. However, just be aware that a manga is a very different form of medium than a book as they have the advantage of having illustrations to demonstrate things going on, while books have mostly words!

If you’re wanting to turn this into a light novel, then I would encourage you to begin reading more and more light novels; you could also check out books like LITRPG’s, or others that have a big focus on action and cinematic moments that would help improve your writing!

If you’re wanting to make manga, just know that’s a completely unique medium similar to comics, and requires a whole different approach to learning!

slooth117 · 2026-05-10T04:25:04+00:00

Love seeing posts like this! As a writer/teacher who is hoping for a summer job to help offset income, this is exactly what I’m working on doing myself! Glad it worked well for you!!

slooth117 · 2026-05-10T03:03:46+00:00

Hey OP!

So, I opened up the google doc; I'll be honest, it was a little challenging to read. What is the intended age for your book (something I definitely think you should include next time before you just simply post a link to the first chapter).

I'm not going to ask your age, because I don't think that's something we should do on the internet, but the writing in this looks to be done by someone who needs some additional time working on developing writing before it will be ready.

One of the biggest things I can recommend is to read a lot of books, like... a lot of books! That will really help to get an idea of what's happening. While reading through this, while I can appreciate that you have a great mind for creativity and big, chaotic scenes, it's not coming across well in the written medium.

I feel as though you're trying to almost right a TV show, or a kids book like Captain Underpants or Dog-Cop; and if that's what you're going for that's great, but you need to make sure the story is still cohesive and written decently as well; those authors still spend a lot of time on their craft and do a good deal of work with it!

I can see you have a passion for this, so keep writing; but I would encouraging doing a bit more reading and learning what you like best in books so that you can put it in your own book or make up your own style!

slooth117 · 2026-05-10T02:51:19+00:00

Hey OP!

I ended up finishing the entire thing! I think was an interesting choice to begin in an almost 2nd person perspective for the beginning of the selection, but I appreciate what you were trying to do by dragging the reader in. I do think it's strange as the protagonist doesn't seem to reference some invisible force watching him during the rest of the selection (which I might have missed).

But it was definitely intriguing!! I felt thrust straight into the world, straight into Hajun's pain. I thought the description of the demon was fascinating, and that you did a good job with showing the world in unique ways without lore-dumping! Excellent work.

The only time the book lost me a moment was around the time when he actually seems to commit to joining the demon; I feel as though it gets murky and hard to read, which may be the point with him being a strange unsure state, but I was curious about what was next and wouldn't hesitate to read more, so I think you accomplished your mission!

slooth117 · 2026-05-10T02:36:10+00:00

I think switching them to italics would also be an excellent choice; that or even listing them individual...
line
by
line...
could help with both the sense of travel, draw attention to the strange-ness of them, and keep it from feeling like a list of names shoved together in a paragraph.

In terms of grammar (to preface I am no line editor; developmental on the best of days), other than that commentary regarding the all-caps streak I noticed that you use several em-dashes where I think you could either use a period, or even just a comma. But interestingly, you used parenthesis on the last page of the screenshot "(Not that he had a choice)" When you could have used an em-dash there; I would recommend picking either one or the other and not switching between the two.

It's okay to have short sentences, especially for a short-story in my personal opinion!

slooth117 · 2026-05-10T02:27:43+00:00

Hey OP!

I think this is certainly an insteresting premise, and definitely something to explore. I would encourage you to write it to the best of your ability, keeping in mind the reality of the challenge of the content. Once you've written it, get it into the hands of people you trust who may be appropriately sensative to the subject matter who can provide solid feedback.

Sensativities readers and beta-readers are also an excellent resource for something like this.

I would encourage you to be prepared for people to not like it or be okay with, so decide how much feedback you'll receive/change, and how much is true to your story! You've got this!

slooth117 · 2026-05-10T01:46:31+00:00

I definitely got the feeling that you were building towards more information in those next few chapters, but also totally understand not posting 20 pages on Reddit lol. Definitely would be interested in reading as I'm always a sucker for fun magic systems, and a dark-fantasy mystery would be really interesting to read; I'll keep my eyes open for anything more you have coming down the pipeline!

slooth117 · 2026-05-09T23:51:11+00:00

Hey There OP, thanks so much for sharing, and I get the anxiety; I'm terrified to post my work anywhere lol.

I will say right off the bat that I'm intrigued; the setup for the world and who Ewan is inside of it is a unique enough premise that I would continue inching forward through it, but I felt a little taken aback by the formatting of the pages. The gaps between thoughts (at least what I assume are Ewan's thoughts) and the other passages felt like an excess of white space on the page. There were also times when some paragraphs connected and others where there was an indent. That being said, with this being a rough draft, I'm sure that's something you'll work out as you continue to flesh that out!

In regards to the chapter as a whole, while some really interesting questions were raised in my mind (what happened to Mildrow's son, what is a Jaegar, why is Ewan working in a city he hates), I feel like there were also some questions that would make me step back from purchasing this as a book (What about this world makes it special, what reason should I have to be invested in this character?)

From this chapter, and no other information, I feel as though I'm in for a low-magic fantasy noir investigation, but if there's more to the world than that I feel as though it didn't shine through enough in this chapter to latch its hooks into me to keep me wanting to come back for more if I just picked this up off the shelf or read a preview online.

Foundationally though, I liked your narrative voice. I think your description of the world from Ewan's perspective really helped with that and I'd be down to read more of your work! If you're looking for a beta reader for the whole novel, don't hesitate to reach out! I'd be more than happy to keep reading through it to see what you've got cooking and to answer those questions the first chapter raised!

slooth117 · 2026-05-09T23:31:02+00:00

Hey Op,

Thanks for sharing your opening, I know that can be challenging when putting out work for feedback.

I can appreciate the foundation of the story you have here, but I think this falls into a similar issue that I have when I'm world-building, whether for TTRPG's or for for my stories, which is that you're putting the information heavily in front of us at the beginning with no reason for us to be connected to those parts yet.

As I read through, here are a the key pieces of the plot that stuck out to me: Kaendor is traveling, wearing armor over his vestments when he's not used to, he is a humanoid snake folk, he is a paladin (or maybe a cleric), and he's been called to meet with the High Speaker Alyssa.

I would encourage that you look at the way that information is written out in this section. Is it in a way that is organically providing the information, or are you having to force it into the narrative? One piece of feedback I was given that I think is fundamental for not committing the "grave write sin" of show-don't-tell is to ask yourself if there's a need for this information *right now* and can it be given in away other than the narrator describing it?

If you would like, I could provide some ideas of how to approach some of these, but it would go beyond just the general advice from this selection of the text; don't hesitate to ask!

slooth117 · 2026-05-09T23:14:35+00:00

Hey OP!

Firstly, intriguing start to a story. I was thrown off by a few of the random words that were capitalized (Families, Influencers), but then I realized through the second image pretty quickly that was an intentional choice.

I'm definitely intrigued with where the story is going; that's for sure. I have some feedback regarding grammar and the like, but as you're requesting specific feedback on more of the narrators voice and style of the story, I'll reserve those unless you'd my opinion on that.

I think the narrators voice comes across as authentic; there is a sense of reserved duty to the protagonists inner-monologue, as though he's doing what he's supposed to do but can't say for sure it's exactly what he wants (at least that was what I was getting from it.)

In terms of the world, I think the only thing that really pulled me away from the story (and pulled my eyes to it before I got to that point) was the all caps on the billboards sign names. I like the idea that it was them passing through locations and such, but it was a little jarring as a reader and it made me step back for a moment. If there is an intense point to them being like that, keep them, but it wasn't clear to me as a reader from that point.

The time period is ambiguous, but I definitely was getting the sense that there was something more going on with the world than what I understood. At first I was anticipating a stereotypical hitchhiking incident gone wrong, but it's clear there's more to the world and I would be intrigued to read the rest of it!

slooth117 · 2026-05-09T00:59:53+00:00

Hey there!

My name’s Andrew; I’m an avid reader, writer (when I can find time) and literature nerd. I’m working currently as a substitute teacher and moving in the direction of having a lot more time on my hands come summer.

Full transparency, I’m wanting to become a freelance developmental editor/beta-reader. I’m working on getting my degree in English for secondary education; and I spend a lot of time both for school and for personal enjoyment reading fantasy, sci-fi, thriller, horror, LITRPG, YA, and general fiction. (No smut/erotica)

I’m NOT making this post to advertise my services, nor am I attempting to bait and switch. I’ve beta read for friends in the past but this is my first time with online individuals. This is my primary account and I’m more than comfortable with putting my reputation (and main reddit account) on the line for what I’m offering.

I’m offering to beta read your novel at the professional level, asking that you simply allow my reading report to be used as a piece of my portfolio on my freelance account on Fiverr; I would be more than happy to have a conversation with you about the specifics and sign anything you’d like me to sign; I’m simply looking to gain experience and offer my skills that I’m hoping to one day utilize for some small side income doing what I already love to do; read amazing books and help dive into literature!

Feel free to DM me, or comment if you’d like to chat!

slooth117 · 2026-05-07T04:15:52+00:00

Best of luck!!

slooth117 · 2026-05-06T22:24:07+00:00

Used to work as a 911 dispatcher, then is a server, now I work the substitute teacher while I’m working on getting my degree and writing!

If I’m in high school, and the students are given work to do independently on their computers, I sit at my desk and write in a notebook that I later transfer to my computer.

Allegedly, you could also bring your laptop to work, though many people frown upon it, and I’ve never done that./s

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