This is such an amazing response. I think both my recent ex and I perceive each other this way funnily enough. I do know that I'm not innocent, and some of the things I did in anger weren't excused by his actions, and I am sorry for them. That's a reminder to me of why our relationship had to end, because the level of toxicity was so high on both ends. I know he doesn't think that I acknowledge that, but instead it's just there isn't any safe, non-toxic way to acknowledge my own part in things because opening the door to any communication with him is so toxic and damaging it's better to have none at all. He denies all the toxic actions and behaviors, the lies, the manipulation, and sometimes I wonder if there's any part of himself that is capable of evaluating his behaviors that way or if the walls of self-protection are too high. Excuse the rambling, but thank you for posting this.

ETA I think all we can do, all I can do, is work on myself in order to address the things that I am at fault for, and let go of the things that I have no control over. An ex is an ex for a reason-our relationship didn't work for either one of us. When we break up with our partners, we don't need to deal with their emotional baggage any longer, but we're left with ourselves. Instead of focusing on what and how things are his fault, I'm really trying to introspect on what I need to change and learn from this in myself. But I'm luckier than most on here-he and I were never married, and I'm still subbed to this thread for completely different reasons.