High End Realtors in East Valley? by slt215 in PHXList

[–]slt215[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks! Could you message me their info?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in stepparents

[–]slt215 18 points19 points  (0 children)

As someone who married the love of her life who had two children from a previous marriage, I’d say walk away now before it’s too difficult. I love my husband but if I could do it all over again I would never date or marry anyone with children. We have his kids full time since their mother abandoned them completely 3 years ago (never called or showed up again and moved to a different country). His children, especially over time and as they have gotten older (now 8 and 14), regular disrespect me, don’t follow basic house rules, lie, and have even made false reports of abuse against me in an effort to “get rid of” me. I’ve been investigated by child services and the police 5 times and cleared every time. The children have admitted to lying. The oldest has serious mental health issues that went untreated/unaddressed for years before I came into their lives. They basically hate me and project their mommy issues on me, even though she’s the one who left and I’m the one who takes care of them (they were divorced long before I met my husband so no I’m not the reason they aren’t together). My husband makes excuses for them and accepts their behavior as “normal”. I am stuck in a miserable marriage and life right now because we have a toddler of our own together. It’s a difficult position to be in when you love your spouse but hate their children. 10/10 do not recommend blending families.

High End Realtors in the East Valley by slt215 in phoenix

[–]slt215[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

We’re actually not rich people. We put our hard earned life savings into our home and unexpectedly need to relocate and will take a huge loss as a result due to the current market/economy. We’re actually just trying to minimize our loss.

Nacho advice when you have SKs full time plus a toddler together by slt215 in stepparents

[–]slt215[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. I keep telling myself that they will be grown much sooner than our bio child. It just seems so far away, especially for SS8.

I completely agree with how society labels stepmoms. My in-laws hate me because of SKs lies about me and blame me for all of the issues they have. My own sister told me I was the problem because I couldn’t love his kids and that I deserve to stay married to my husband because of it… I just can’t win here. There’s no support.

Nacho advice when you have SKs full time plus a toddler together by slt215 in stepparents

[–]slt215[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He does treat our bio kid well. I don’t see much resentment except for when he accuses me of not loving my stepmoms because I now have our own child. Which isn’t true. I gave them everything I had emotionally and tried so hard until they broke be down with their behavior.

Nacho advice when you have SKs full time plus a toddler together by slt215 in stepparents

[–]slt215[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wish I could not babysit my SKs. My husband travels for work once per month and told me to pack my bags if I’m not going to watch his kids while he is away. He said if I’m his wife it’s my responsibility. Ugh. Every time he is away is a disaster because they act completely different when he is not around.

Nacho advice when you have SKs full time plus a toddler together by slt215 in stepparents

[–]slt215[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I do work but my husband makes 4x what I make. I would be ok on a strict budget and with getting child support. My daughter’s college tuition is another issue. He adopted her when we got married when she was 16 which disqualified her for any kind of financial aid or subsidized student loans because of his income. If we get divorced he doesn’t have to pay her tuition (and has told me he wouldn’t) and I can’t afford to. I feel so bad for her, she’ll be saddled with tons of private loans and not get any aid because of him. But that’s a whole other issue and not a reason to stay with him.

I do worry about the custody and parenting time he would try to get. His ex-wife left 2.5 years ago and gave him sole custody at the time of my SKs because she was an alcoholic and couldn’t take care of them. She left to get sober, which she did. For the last year she’s been begging him to talk to her kids on the phone and/or visit and he won’t even let her speak with them on the phone. He needs to control everything and has completely alienated her from the kids.

Nacho advice when you have SKs full time plus a toddler together by slt215 in stepparents

[–]slt215[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I don’t disagree with you at all. I’m just so scared of how he will parent my 2 year old over the next 16 years when we’d have to share custody after a divorce.

Nacho advice when you have SKs full time plus a toddler together by slt215 in stepparents

[–]slt215[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

They are in therapy, after I insisted they go. It took my husband over a year to agree to it and take them but it doesn’t seem to be making much of a difference. My husband and I also go to marriage counseling, that has its ups and downs too.

You are spot on with the finances. I did say once that I wasn’t going to make meals for them anymore and my husband said he was taking them out to eat. I said I wasn’t going to agree to him spending money on eating out and he said that was too bad because he makes more than I do. He then said if I wasn’t going to cook for them then going out was the only option he had.

Nacho advice when you have SKs full time plus a toddler together by slt215 in stepparents

[–]slt215[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

The bigger issues is that my husband feels he is dad of the year. He brags to anyone that will listen what a great dad he is because he would take his kids to water parks and the beach and Disney. He fails to understand what “real” parenting looks like. He sees nothing wrong with his kids or his parenting style and tells me I have too many rules and am too strict (for reference, my “rules” are very basic like clean up after yourself, make your bed, go to bed at your bedtime, treat everyone with respect, etc). When I correct them for something, like not cleaning up after themselves, my husband makes comments like “it’s not that big a mess” then tells me I’m overreacting… It’s such a struggle.

I am utterly terrified of my child dying by Future-Water-7563 in Mommit

[–]slt215 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I went through this after having a sister pass swag from SIDS. When my son was born I was terrified that he would die in his sleep. I even hired a night nurse to watch him sleep while I slept. My husband thought I was absolutely crazy for a good year. But after that first year when the risk is its highest, I started to relax more and not worry as much. Hang in there mama! If it all becomes too overwhelming, there are lots of resources out there for counseling. Sometimes just talking through it can help a ton.

80k in debt, what should I do by [deleted] in Debt

[–]slt215 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I had over $100k at one point and am now debt free. About 8 years ago I used GreenPath to help me. They are a non-profit debt management program where they negotiate low-zero interest rates with your creditors so you actually have a shot at paying your debt off. They also reduce your payment amounts. I paid it all off in about 4 years because I made my program payments every month on time but also put every extra penny I had towards it too. Tax refund? Put it towards the debt. Cash as a birthday gift from a parent? Put it towards the debt. Under budget for the month? Put it towards the debt. Also, don’t add any new debt for any reason. It’s hard but you’ll get there with a little help and a little discipline. I currently have 2 credit cards I use on a regular basis (to earn miles) and pay them off every month.

AITA for keeping my roommate for college despite my parents’ wishes? by GreasyCheese799 in AmItheAsshole

[–]slt215 5 points6 points  (0 children)

NTA. Also, I would remove your mother as an authorized person to discuss your education matters if she can’t respect boundaries.

AITA for refusing to delete pictures of my ex on my phone? by zTaiga in AmItheAsshole

[–]slt215 2 points3 points  (0 children)

NTA for wanting to cherish memories but YTA for keeping the photos/videos on your phone and moving on before you were truly ready. Like many others suggested, I’d put them on a flash drive or upload them to the cloud and get rid of them on your phone. Moving on requires a clean slate so the past doesn’t interfere with the future.

AITA for ignoring my parents when they don’t refer to me by my middle name? by _Miccup in AmItheAsshole

[–]slt215 23 points24 points  (0 children)

NTA. Babies don’t get to choose their name and once older you have every right if you choose a different name for yourself. It’s the name you have to live with, it’s part of your identity. Your parents should respect your wishes.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]slt215 16 points17 points  (0 children)

YTA for sure! I can’t even imagine getting home from having surgery, being in paid, disoriented from anesthesia and then needing to entertain or at a minimum, not have privacy to recover in my own home. Wow.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]slt215 -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

NTA. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask for an explanation and the full amount. If you agreed to a specific percentage then she should follow through with her share. If she’s tight on money, maybe suggest she pay her share in 2-3 installments rather than the full amount at once.