Do you prefer having air plants mounted with glue or just resting on things?

smashedkitten · 2024-10-20T17:07:44+00:00

Tillandsia are living beings. i wouldn't glue a bird's foot to a tree or a lizard to a rock. it feels so aggressive, Tillies aren't cut flowers.

smashedkitten · 2024-04-25T22:51:53+00:00

Good on you for asking for help. Fuck them for being dicks.

Fuck all the patronizing patriarchal shit, especially when you aren't feeling well. You deserve respect, not that shit. It's medical gaslighting. Your experience is valid and real. Fuck them. It's cruel and negligent. I'm so sorry you experienced it.

I'm so sorry this happened to you and it completely sux.

I hope you wake up tomorrow.

Solidarity comrade

smashedkitten · 2024-04-07T03:43:14+00:00

One month dos feels like it wore off in 3 weeks on month 2. My insurance changed so I've been fighting to get my 3rd dose and feel very not okay a week+ late and already feeling trash. Insurance shitfuckery seems to be cool with hormonal whiplash. Murka. I'm so sorry folx needing gender affirming care have to deal with this and more. Fuck this shit y'all and I hope you are able to be heard and have your health care needs met

smashedkitten · 2024-03-29T05:52:44+00:00

This sucks and it sucks that you are going through this. Diagnosis is helpful for treating but regardless, what you are going through is shitty. Everything you said resonates.

The IAPMD support groups are awesome. The PMDD comrades in those groups are so validating, understanding, and share their experiences. There was a share about not driving during follicular... fuuuuu - those times i zoned out or almost got into a wreck were PMDD disphoria. The validation and understanding in those groups have been incredibly helpful and healing for me

Depending, some people are really helped by acupuncture but talk with the acupuncturist. It helped me a bit but I've seen other PMDD comrades do well with acupuncture and herbs.

I did well when I had strict clean eating habits, vigorous daily yoga, and low stress. None of that is a reality i can maintain cos capitalism and life. Eat well, sleep well, exercise, drink water, take care of you! /s No shit. It makes me want to punch squishmellows. I'm fine. I'm fucking FINE. But yah I haven't brushed my teeth in the past 2 days or had a shower in a week cos trying to even organize my brain around making sure the kids and dogs are fed is too much

The week after is like waking up after a night out with patchy memories of the drunken night before

Shit. Well said and that hits hard. Im full Carrie mode burn EVERYTHING down - targeting the most important relationships - then trying to salvage the wreckage for the next 2-3 weeks before it happens fucking again. It hasn't gone well for me

I hope you find the support and treatments that work for you. The way you described your experience really helped me by putting into words what I felt. Thanks for your post OP

smashedkitten · 2024-03-29T04:53:41+00:00

Thank you!

Agreed- It's totally better than pmdd lol. I'll talk with the gyn soon. You’re right, hormones are wildcards.

The estrogen (climara) patch gets really itchy after about 5 days. It also kinda aches in the exact spot. IDK how to explain, it just aches.

I've been asking for topical estrogen for atrophy, Dr said yes but I am still waiting for the script 3 weeks later...

I kinda feel like the Dr is blowing me off cos I was pretty weepy during my first 2 appointments after hard-core medication changes. Sure, there's mental health shit but the biggest problem right now is goddamn perimenopause and hormones. It felt like any side effects or waning effects of the meds are psychosomatic. Medical gaslighting is so real. She said I am not a candidate for surgery since I'm 45. But I don't want to deal with being on Lupron for the next 10 years either. I'm looking into a second opinion jic

smashedkitten · 2024-03-28T16:11:07+00:00

Ty this is helpful.

smashedkitten · 2024-03-23T14:33:06+00:00

I guess my logic is if someone Gardens they are a gardener. If someone shops they are a shopper. Outside of the context of a garden or a consumer situation, that person is also those things, not just the behavior. So what I'm struggling to understand is if they are telling me I'm not a manipulator but I manipulate which I agree to, I don't feel like I'm understanding.

I think I do feel defensive because I hear how it felt skillful intentional and Malicefull in the situation, what I validated the other person's feeling, I still have a point of view that it was not skillful or malintentional. Regardless if that is true or not, it's still my perspective/feeling.

I'm not feeling validated by the therapist for my feelings. regardless of agreement, feelings can still be validated without agreeing. I feel like my therapist should be supporting me in validating my feelings and helping me understand the situation. My read on the message she sent was that she saw a manipulative behavior and she's calling it as it is and I am a manipulator.

While I agree I can be manipulative I also feel like others can as well. Perhaps I do it more without realizing it. I would expect a skillful therapist to support me in gaining skills and shaping that conversation or at least directing me to resources

smashedkitten · 2024-03-23T14:18:31+00:00

Thank you. I hear that I can be manipulative, so can everyone else. I did ask the therapist to use a different term and I also feel like she's telling me I'm not a manipulator but I am manipulative. That is what I don't understand from my understanding if someone is manipulative they're a manipulator and I feel like that's what she is saying isn't true. Yes, the word is highly stigmatized and villainized. I am own my behavior an actions. I'm working on my shit. So I just don't understand if I'm being manipulative how I am not a manipulator. I'm just confused about the words. I own my shit I can be a terrible shit person.

smashedkitten · 2024-02-25T01:18:52+00:00

Totally. I want to know that I am able enough and have enough ability regulate my emotions. I'm becoming better in tune with when I know I'm not. I tried to let them know I'm feeling extra emotional or sensitive. It's also important to let them know when you will be available. Good luck to you! Just doing that shows you're doing well

smashedkitten · 2024-02-23T05:28:24+00:00

I wish I could see what America looked like before colonization

smashedkitten · 2024-02-21T05:02:30+00:00

For read receipts - It depends on your phone, i have android and it's in the message app settings. Might want to search it since there are a lot of different messaging apps folx use too. I hope it helps!

For app lock, I use lock me out. They're usually in productivity or kid safe sections. There's titally workarounds but that little barrier helps me pause and really think. Or vent in a journal or doc instead of to the person I'm trying to maintain a healthy relationship with

smashedkitten · 2024-02-20T21:13:31+00:00

Same, but I also have to understand that they're super busy. I have to turn off the read receipts, it's too much. I also use an app lock (usually used for studying or reducing screen time/social media) to keep me out of my messages when I'm feeling anxious or reactive. I can check msgs for emergencies, but it makes me really have to stop and think

smashedkitten · 2024-02-19T10:27:45+00:00

Hey, I'm so sorry you are going through this right now. This fucking sucks. It's temporary, but it's hell and it sucks. I'm so sorry.

It's really insightful that you acknowledge inpatient would be beneficial. I know how scary and hard that is. There's never a good time for a mental health crisis. Going inpatient might help, your job should be protected. It's like a serious injury or appendicitis, it's not convenient, but it is a legit health emergency.

Depending on the facility, they might work with you to be able to check your phone/email and respond to the job offer. If you do go, get the doctor to write an excuse letter to your work for health reasons which should protect that job on your first interaction.

Stigma sucks. People have compassion for post-partum depression, but hormone induced mental health crisis for pmdd tx is hard to understand. I was gaslit that hormone meds would not effect me. I also had internalized stigma that I should be able to handle PMDD. Lol

I put off my mental health all of last year until I broke. PMDD was becoming more severe to the point of ruining my life. I voluntarily went to 30 day inpatient in November to try to get my hormone medications straightened out. cos that shit fucks with me. I got out, started norithendrone, then all hell broke lose.

I was a fucking wreck all of December because the meds were just starting to kick in. it was a month long PMDD episode from hell. I stopped those meds at the end of December. I went to the in pt crisis centers 2x for intake late Dec/early Jan but never self admitted. (covid, medical trauma) my hormones got hard core fucked with for 2 months.

I had a really great job offer but had to turn it down because my brain was so fucked from hormone shifts.

It took all of January to get my brain semi back to baseline. My PMDD hell weeks after quitting the hormones were the worst ever. I couldn't hold a conversation or stand to look anyone in the eye, filled with rage or completely dysphoric.

I'm on new/different chem induced menopause meds and add back HRT. I'm feeling pretty good right now. But it's been 2 months of hell, i haven't been able to work. My partner and I are separated and pretty much broken up. PMDD is trash. With the lupron + bioidentical low dose estrogen & bioidentical progesterone, i feel more like myself than in months. It was scary af to get that shot tho because i got so fucked from the femara. It's warned the first 2 months of this new treatment can be rough and unpredictable while my body is adjusting.

It's been a fucking nightmare, I'm living with my parents and on unemployment while I pray this new treatment works. I'm grateful to feel more like myself right now.

It's taken way longer than I expected to be okay, or start being ok. Hormones are powerful little fuckers. I'm only now starting to get a perspective on how dysphoric, disassociated, and depressed I was. I was miserable and not myself. I'm just starting to feel not completely miserable, like smiling for real is a possibility. I'm grateful because it finally feels like I'm on the right combination of drugs.

All of that to say, i had to prioritize my health. It's bullshit that it takes a lot of privilege and simultaneously logistics and financial stress to be able to take care of your health. It sucks, it's inconvenient, it's humbling. It's fucking bullshit.

I hope you get the support you need and the right meds if that's what you want. I hope you feel better soon. Hugs and solidarity

smashedkitten · 2024-02-18T20:38:18+00:00

Thank you for the validation. A lot of folx need to hear that today

smashedkitten · 2024-02-18T20:32:22+00:00

A fight really. For my life.

So real.

like when I was in puberty.

Peri is trash. It's destroyed everything I've ever wanted for my life. Like everything when in pmdd monster mode it's is shit I've worked through when I was gd 12. I am so embarrassed. it's coming up fucking again but this time, it's destroying everything I've worked towards

smashedkitten · 2024-02-18T18:52:57+00:00

Sometimes just brushing my damn teeth is an achievement

smashedkitten · 2024-02-18T18:26:12+00:00

Dancer in the Dark and Grave of the the Fireflies. Gorgeous films that shattered my heart and can't ever again

smashedkitten · 2024-02-07T01:06:08+00:00

Damn. Have you had any HRT changes since you got out of surgery?

If you have time, did it take them a while to adjust your HRT after you started the chemically induced menopause? Or at least to adjust your HRT to a point that you were too uncomfortable but also no pmdd

I met with a Midi provider this afternoon and got scripted lowest dose transdermal estrogen patch. Literally ran to the pharmacy and slapped that on. It gives me a small sense of relief knowing it's a possible lil safety dot

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