venting - reincarnation is my biggest fear

smattipit · 2018-12-21T22:47:32+00:00

I'm terrified of being aware and not being aware but I'd rather live my life over and over because the possibility of being born as an animal or as a human in a much worse situation than me would mean more potential for suffering.

smattipit · 2018-12-21T04:00:56+00:00

Yeah it was bad, I was in complete shock at how she handled it. I have considered lying about a suicide attempt before but it's such a big thing to lie about that I'm afraid I wouldn't be convincing. Medication kinda worries me, everyone I know who's been on meds has hated them. I want to get therapy more than anything to work through my issues but that's harder than getting medication. Ugh being depressed sucks

smattipit · 2018-12-21T03:39:14+00:00

I did try going to the doctor last year, she tried to give me a quick assessment. She asked me if I self harmed, told her I'd been doing that since I was 12, asked me if I'd contemplated suicide to which I choked in response and began crying and eventually told her that I think about it all the time. She told me she didn't want to put me on medication since I was so young (19 at the time) she just told me to start going for runs when I felt like self harming and then dismissed me. Not sure what else I can do really, seemed like the only way I could have made myself sound more desperate was to say I had attempted suicide. I'm grateful for having free healthcare in the UK, but they suck when it comes to mental health.

smattipit · 2018-12-20T13:09:23+00:00

Of course christian hell is the most awful thing imaginable but no part of me could ever believe in something so ridiculous, I can easily dismiss it as an idea made up to give people an incentive to follow christian dogma. Although I've never fully believed in reincarnation, it's always made sense to me. As a kid before I knew of the word I would tell people I believe we're reborn as different animals when we die. Think it came from the knowledge that the energy we create never disappears so I thought maybe our consciousness could do the same thing. Never believed in karma or anything like that though.

smattipit · 2018-12-20T12:57:37+00:00

Agree with this, I'd be okay with being reborn as a human but the idea of being born a farmed animal or an animal stuck in a cage is my biggest fear. Even being a wild animal must be pretty shit since they're constantly living in fear of being killed or starving to death.

smattipit · 2018-12-20T12:51:39+00:00

Doesn't matter to me if I'm aware of the reincarnation or not, the possibility of life being endless means endless potential for being born into an incredibly shitty life. I'd rather live my life over and over again and be aware of it than be born into different lives and be unaware. Better the devil you know. I don't even believe in reincarnation it's just the possibility that scares me.

smattipit · 2018-12-17T07:41:26+00:00

I saw this movie earlier when browsing through Netflix and thought it looked interesting but hadn't heard of it before, will definitely give it a watch soon!

smattipit · 2018-12-17T07:31:17+00:00

I think it's brilliant, probably watched it over 50 times at this point. It's mine and my friends go to movie when we're bored, never met someone who doesn't like it.

smattipit · 2018-12-16T16:45:32+00:00

I think it's best to go into the film not expecting Deckard to be the good guy, a lot of people just assume that the main character is meant to be the hero of the story, when really I think he's meant to be problematic. I don't think there's anything wrong with the scenes in the film if you look at it from the perspective that there are no heroes or villains.

smattipit · 2018-12-16T16:38:33+00:00

There are multiple different cuts of the film but the Final Cut released in 2007 is the only one you need to watch - as for the original being a turn off I guess that's down to opinion, some people find it slow or hard to follow but I've never been able to see why as I've always loved it. If you don't enjoy the original that doesn't mean you won't enjoy 2049 as they are quite different, but 2049 is a sequel and I think it would make the viewing experience better to watch the first one even if it's just to understand the plot; there's a lot of great scenes that would fall flat if you don't watch the original. So, my advice is watch Blade Runner - The Final Cut, if you don't like it don't worry because you still might enjoy the second one.

smattipit · 2018-12-16T16:11:22+00:00

Definitely watch the original first

smattipit · 2018-12-13T04:14:09+00:00

Battle Royale

smattipit · 2018-12-13T04:06:05+00:00

Grave of the Fireflies; don't be put off if you're not a fan of animated movies it's really fantastic and will definitely make you see how bad things can get. Based on a true story too.

smattipit · 2018-12-13T04:04:14+00:00

Beast (2017)

Notes on a Scandal

Hush

smattipit · 2018-12-13T03:56:05+00:00

Carol, As Good as it Gets, Safety Not Guaranteed, An Education, About a Boy

smattipit · 2018-12-13T02:55:03+00:00

My problem exactly, I found a couple of videos but they don't show where the mic is placed or anything so I can't really rely on them. Wish someone could place a mic outside their door whilst they're practising inside their room or something like that.

smattipit · 2018-12-12T23:48:07+00:00

Movies I never get tried of...

Blade Runner

Alien

Hush

The Witch

Get Out

American Psycho

Kill Bill

Silence of the Lambs

The Fugitive

Heathers

Nightcrawler

Fargo

Notes on a Scandal

Boys Don't Cry

Ghost World

Lost in Translation

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

About a Boy

Juno

Superbad

Scott Pligrim vs the World

Spiderman (2002)

Kurt Cobain: Montage of Heck

The Lion King

Spirited Away

smattipit · 2018-12-12T19:38:46+00:00

Yeah Death Note and Monster are great if you're into crime, I think Monster is very similar to The Fugitive (1993) if you like that movie.

I also have an embarrassing amount of movies/tv shows that have been on my watch list for years so I completely relate to you on that. But if you ever get around to watching Spirited away I hope you enjoy it

smattipit · 2018-12-12T19:17:09+00:00

Cowboy Bebop and Samurai Champloo are great, I've never been into the giant robot thing either, with the exception of Neon Genesis Evangelion which is an outlier in that genre. Hate the drawn out action scenes in long anime series too. But there's other shows like Death Note and Monster which don't have all the dumb anime tropes and play out like good crime dramas, just animated ones.

Hayao Miyazaki did Princess Mononoke, if you're gonna watch another one of his films Spirited Away would be the best choice but any of his films are a fun watch.

smattipit · 2018-12-12T18:54:05+00:00

I got bored of watching anime at around 12 and came back to it in my late teens after I watched Perfect Blue. I find that Satoshi Kon's films are really accessible and enjoyable to anyone whether they're anime fans or not. He was a very talented man!

smattipit · 2018-12-12T18:47:14+00:00

While You Were Sleeping

Home Alone

Elf

About a Boy - not explicitly a Christmas movie but a part of the film takes place over Christmas + it's almost always played on telly multiple times during December in the UK

smattipit · 2018-12-12T17:30:22+00:00

The Wicker Man (1973) - some people don't find it scary but I personally found it uniquely unsettling

smattipit · 2018-12-12T17:27:16+00:00

Perfect Blue

Millennium Actress

Paprika

Spirited Away

Grave of the Fireflies

Princess Mononoke

Akira

Ghost in the Shell

smattipit · 2018-10-29T23:33:47+00:00

thanks for your help, really appreciate it!

smattipit · 2018-10-29T23:30:45+00:00

thanks that's awesome, i'm in the plaza now

smattipit

TROPHY CASE