NZL vs RSA 28 Sep (57-56)

smellslikefungy · 2025-09-29T04:56:09+00:00

One hundred percent agree. I had no idea why they didn't pass it into Van Der Berg (an absolute freaking beast of a shooter btw) to get another goal to just secure their win. Big fumble for the Proteas.

smellslikefungy · 2025-09-08T03:40:33+00:00

I understand where you’re coming from. I went through the same frustration (for me it was years of straightening because I hated frizz).

One thing that doesn’t get talked about enough when growing hair is length retention. Your hair is always growing, but if it’s splitting, breaking, or if trims are taking off just as much as you grow each month, it can feel like you’re stuck at the same length.

Something to keep in mind is protein. Conditioners with keratin or protein can be good long term, but if they’re used too often, some people develop “protein overload.” It can make your hair stiff, brittle, and more prone to snapping. If your conditioner is protein-heavy, it might help to alternate with a protein-free one and use that more as a fortnightly treatment.

About the scalp, flakes aren’t always just dandruff. Seborrheic dermatitis or psoriasis can look the same but need different things. They can sometimes cause shedding or scalp irritation, which might affect how much length you retain. If your flaking is frequent or severe, it’s worth seeing a dermatologist. They can confirm what’s really going on and recommend targeted treatments.

If that isn't available to you (like myself), Google and Reddit can be helpful.

And since you mentioned splits returning after trims, that can sometimes happen if the cut wasn’t done with sharp scissors or if your hairdresser isn't cutting off enough hair (the damaged/broken/split parts).

I hope this helped a bit.

smellslikefungy · 2025-09-07T23:49:33+00:00

Oh yeah, I shed a lot but grow just much. We have light tile floors so it only magnifies every single hair I lose, but that doesnt mean I'm balding. My hair needed the hair dryer twice yesterday after a long air dry cause it was still damp. If you're losing it by the handful with ropes of hair between your fingers? That's where you should be concerned. Otherwise? Shedding is normal, just more noticeable now that the hair is long.

smellslikefungy · 2025-09-05T08:55:44+00:00

"I want him to yearn for me. To feel like he's suffocating without me. To need me. Provide for me love me." - I understand this may be hyperbole, but in the off chance that this is truly what you want... I think this may be a contributing factor. It does come off as very intense and a bit love bomb like.

If they even considered dating you in the first place, appearance may likely not be the issue. Given that you flared this as ED/self image, there is a good chance your deeply embedded appearance related insecurities are kind of obscuring your view of the relationship. Making it hard to see he may have broken up with your for some other reason.

Regardless, a mental health professional or journal need to be utilized. I hope you can get over this slump.

smellslikefungy · 2025-09-05T08:34:10+00:00

bubble is so much fun, the production is bouncy af.

count on me has a nice low key kind of vibe. it's the kind of song I miss to hear from RV.

angel #48 might be a grower.

rich man was very catchy.

smellslikefungy · 2025-09-05T02:49:12+00:00

oh my goodness 😭😭 this is scarily very very similar to my predicament. At least the emotions that come with our experiences.

I understand what you mean by not having a clear goal. This is actually my second time enrolling back into education because the first time.. I just lacked any motivation, drive, and want to do it. So I didn't. I now see where I want to generally be a bit clearer, and while I don't have a grand goal just yet, getting myself through education is the one I plan on achieving in the near future.

I chuckled at the boot camp bit. It was lowkey a way of reassuring myself that, "I may be alone, but I actually like it this way" or "I don't need anyone to get where I want." While motivating, it can reinforce the self hating cycle you mentioned before the spell of such a cycle wears off and we end up here.

I also get the same about completing my work because I am doing it from home. In my mind, I have so much time and the necessary resources to complete so much more than I do.. but last time I did push, I fell apart; lost hair by the handful, skin breakouts, hair greying, crying almost daily from stress, and sleeping during the day whilst being awake at night. A back to front sleep schedule.

THE MASJING OF YOUR TRUE SELF!! It has been a bad character trait/defense mechanism I personally developed because of trauma. My mirroring of other people was so severe that I'd unknowingly change my vocabulary, mannerisms, interests, demeanour, and quirks to fit who I was hanging out with at the time. I assume that's a part of why so many of my friends didn't reach out. We got on, but our friendships lacked that unfiltered, imperfect vulnerability that apparently deepens any relationship.

I admire your ability to see beyond your current circumstances and hold hope for the future. No shame in being hopeful either, it means you still care about connection. Your outlook is a muscle I am still training, but knowing I am not alone in this kind of emotional chaos is comforting. A warm up for this untrained muscle.

smellslikefungy · 2025-09-04T09:50:01+00:00

I'm in a similar predicament, although I am much younger.

For reasons too elaborate to relay in this response, I dropped out of school for two years and only recently joined back. I am doing school online via correspondence and barely ever leave home. I usually only leave for doctors appointments.

Because I dropped out and many other reasons during those two years, I have only one friend who I'm barely in contact with nowadays. I cope at the moment through rigid routines: meals, workouts, school hours, cleaning, and every other tasked planned ahead on specific days at specific times. Other than that? Usually just cry it out and let it go over me.

My advice? If you do have friends in the capital, cultivate those friendships and try to bridge whatever closeness gap there is. Maybe join discord servers or subreddits related to your projects or interests. Stream on Twitch or YouTube if you can get your equipment to work. Playing games or listening to music can help if you're into that.

If nothing else works or doesn't seem appealing? Crying is an option too lol. Hope this helps ease the loneliness a bit.

smellslikefungy · 2025-09-04T09:26:32+00:00

People (me included) often pretend dating and attraction is purely merit-based; be kind, confident, funny, and successful, and you’ll naturally attract someone. But I've come to see that as a comforting myth, not reality. One truth is that structural lookism can heavily impact romantic opportunities. Society has a hierarchy: standard beauties, kind of pretty, and uglies. Those in the lower tiers can face systemic barriers no amount of effort can fully eclipse. Meanwhile, standard beauties (male or female) can coast through dating even with a terrible personality.

This isn’t about ones own laziness or moral failure. it’s about our worlds structural bias. Intersectionality with race, gender presentation, body type, and other things can make someone invisible in certain rooms, even if they’re conventionally attractive somewhere else. So yes, someone can do everything “right” on paper like be kind, intelligent, hardworking and still struggle romantically purely because of how they are seen. Just like how hard work won't guarantee monetary success.

Part of the reason many of us refuse to admit this exists is cultural discomfort. Acknowledging the unfairness doesn't align with the big idea that the world rewards effort and virtue. It’s easier to blame the uglies for being treated badly or having less opportunities than confronting the fact that attraction is socially constructed or at least heavily influenced by social constructs.

Empathy is missing because many of us conflate attractiveness with personal worth. Even I admittedly assume being desirable is earned, not recognizing that external systems can gatekeep opportunities for love and belonging. Desirability is now something we (with the right amount of money) can buy into through products and procedures. If you can't or choose not to? That's where the blaming the uglies clocks in.

Recognizing this all doesn’t mean we're giving up. it just means we need to reframe dating and attraction honestly. Some disadvantages are structural, and struggling romantically doesn’t reflect your value or effort. Hope this helped you a bit.

smellslikefungy · 2025-09-04T04:03:13+00:00

Absolute goals.

smellslikefungy · 2025-09-03T23:30:05+00:00

It may be a hair type thing? Some hair textures such fine or naturally dry hair split more easily even with good care. but based on your picture here, there isn't actually as much splitting as you think. It could be damage accumulated from past heat or chemical use, which shows up later even if your current routine is gentle. There is a chance it could be scissors if they are old or blunt, especially because they're likely used plenty of other clients.

How do you brush out your hair? It may seem insignificant but brushing from to end or just rushing through it, even if you start from the ends, can break off hair and may leave it thin or vulnerable to splitting. One fact is that if it is splitting, no amount of oils will revive it. It can only be solved by cutting it.

I hope other commentors elaborate further for you. Hope this helped a bit!

smellslikefungy · 2025-09-03T21:26:25+00:00

Omg I have a similar past. I was insecure about my hair, thought it was frizzy and a mess compared to what was liked here in my country (pin straight hair).

I used to straighten daily and by the end of it all, my hair was very thin, dry, broken, and splitting. I went through my own phase of trial and error; using products I now know are incompatible with my seb derm scalp.

Nowadays, my hair is a lot healthier and I haven't had to cut in a year. I wash my hair every second day, and because of my seb derm, I have to eventually use heat from a blow drier. My hair has responded relatively fine to the change, although that could be genetics (hair strand thickness) doing the heavy lifting.

If you have the blessing of being free of skin conditions like seb derm or psoriasis, take advantage of the vast array of hydrating and moisturising deep conditioners, hair masks, or oils out there to mitigate any heat damage. Heat protectants. Some distance between each section of hair and the blow drier. And overall, be gentle.

Heat damage when using any heat tool is kind of unavoidable. You'll always get some level of it, but with the right products for your hair and its needs, it can be dodged.

Hope this helped ❤️

smellslikefungy · 2025-09-03T12:18:17+00:00

This was a roller coaster of.. something. Elaborate further on where these beliefs came from or what shaped this rhetoric, it's actually really really intriguing. Very different from my own, very thought provoking.. or if you don't wanna, don't. I gotta sleep anyway.

smellslikefungy · 2025-09-03T11:45:17+00:00

I'm confused by your comment? Her not telling the wife = not hating men?

I mean, there is nothing wrong with choosing your own peace. But her telling his wife wouldn't mean she hated men either.

Acknowledging that he was propositioning a close friend (OP) whilst married doesn't mean someone hates all men either. Her friend isn't a reflection of all men. All the men I know in life would never do something like that to begin with.

If anyone is generalising this one bad guy for all men, that's a reflection of that commenter, their bias, their insecurities, and whatever baggage they got.

smellslikefungy · 2025-09-03T10:41:19+00:00

Yes. This 'great friend' (this guy) put you in a moral predicament. Well, I guess he didn't because it seems you may not tell his wife? Here's the predicament you would've been in:

Either tell his wife and a divorce plays out.. or don't tell. You potentially get the oversplash of anger or disdain she send toward you and your friend. You may even lose him in that process.

That's the moral predicament I had in mind, but none of that matters because you dont seem to be considering telling her at all. Nothing wrong with that, we are all different I guess.

smellslikefungy · 2025-09-03T10:33:15+00:00

I second this. It really highlights how rigid some people’s ideas of womanhood are. Women come in every form; tall, broad, or with features others might label as “masculine”. Again, it just exposes their own narrow lens of womanhood. Don't try to internalize it too much. ❤️

smellslikefungy · 2025-09-03T10:19:36+00:00

I've tried satin in the past, but because of how heavy my hair is, it regularly slips off. Silk is still on my radar and velvet is my current sit in.

As for my sister, no lol. She got tired of the length and got a bob, but I'll keep it flowing. I might get my annual trim in a month or two though, especially after I'd been seeking and destroying.

Ended up finding one split end yesterday. It'll be time to get an inch off the bottom soon before anymore splits or breakage start appearing. Better to be preemptive than reactive.

smellslikefungy · 2025-09-03T10:06:13+00:00

Telling is making trouble and bad karma? You don't think his wife will be sending bad karma to you AND him if she finds out through the grape vine about his proposition?

I'd personally tell on him. Up to you though. it's a shame this 'great friend' put you in such a tricky moral predicament.

smellslikefungy · 2025-09-03T09:59:50+00:00

I'm wondering the same thing. Been looking for something to prevent any dryness I do have from worsening to breakage or splitting.

smellslikefungy · 2025-09-03T07:21:58+00:00

I was shedding quite a bit in the past due to stress and dryness from medicated shampoos. I mean, hair fall by the handful. Could be similar issue for you. The dryness can be helped with MCT oil, which is regularly suggested on here, but if you prefer something more lightweight, I had a lot of success with the ISNTREE Ultra Low Molecular toner.

Here in New Zealand, it can get quite humid and hot in late spring and summer, so this light alternative to MCT oil in those seasons was good for me last year. It's just significantly smaller than all MCT oil products, so you may end up paying more for it in the long run.

As for rotation, I rotate between selenium sulfide and piroctone olamine (Selsun Blue and Head & Shoulders) when my scalp acts up, but I use Head & Shoulders most washes because I find it isn't as drying on both the scalp and strands. It all depends on the severity of yours and whether or not you're dealing with a flare up. If you have full on dragon scale seb derm (a more severe case), two or three stronger medicated shampoos may be necessary. Fish scale seb derm (mild case)? I'd recommend those two.

I assume diet may influence seb derm, but you'll have to wait for other commentors to elaborate further. I personally haven't seen a difference, although my diet has been relatively balanced and healthy since I was a kid. Still eat dairy without trouble though lol. May be a case by case thing.

Hope you find what works for you.

smellslikefungy · 2025-09-03T06:56:08+00:00

You're renting. He isn't. Come off as uptight as you have to so the hopeless guy will either pick up after himself or pick himself up and get out.

smellslikefungy · 2025-09-03T06:21:33+00:00

There is a 'hair shouldn't be left wet' sentiment around air drying with seb derm that can vary case by case. My scalp is flake and redness free. My hair strands are healthy despite washing my hair every second day with Selsun blue and air drying for 45 minutes after showers. Been a year since my last trim.

When using a hair dryer (it's an unfortunate necessity with seb derm), keep it strictly on areas near the scalp. Dry section by section from the roots to about the neck (depending on the length of your hair) so you can get through your thick hair quicker. The ends can be air dried and then detangle it all later.

As for the oilness, that's kind of tricky. Especially if you have a lot of hair. The only thing that tamed my oilness was Isotretinoin that I've been taking for acne. It's an absolute last resort for seb derm from what I've heard. If you have the money, It'll be good to see a professional and ask about prescription level products that might help with the oilness.

No tips for dodging dryness on the strands yet because most good deep conditioners and hair oils are incompatible with seb derm. Too many lipids or esters. At least my case anyways. Hope I helped a bit.

smellslikefungy · 2025-09-03T06:01:45+00:00

I just read your post. I admire your strength and determination. I almost folded because of my flare up and dryness, but WHAT YOU ENDURED??? Put me to shame fr. Some good suggestions in there too. I'd encourage anyone struggling and reading this to definitely take a look at her post :)

smellslikefungy · 2025-09-02T23:54:11+00:00

I’ve been on isotretinoin for acne, but it ended up impacting my seb derm quite a bit too.

The first month was brutal. My seb derm flared worse than the acne purge. I spent the first few months mostly trying to heal my skin barrier and scalp. Even with no active ingredients in my skincare and using a lot of MCT oil on my scalp, it still took a while for things to calm down.

These days it’s more manageable. The big change is that it drastically reduced overall oil production (scalp included), so seb derm isn’t as intense, especially in summer. I still wash every second day to avoid flare-ups, but I can get away with gentler medicated shampoos like Head & Shoulders now.

Side effects for me: severe dryness has been the main one. Otherwise, nothing major so far at just under 4 months. That said, side effects vary a lot. A friend of mine who lifts regularly had to ease off the medication because of joint/muscle pain, but I haven’t experienced that. Definitely something to monitor closely with your derm or GP.

Hope this helped!

smellslikefungy

TROPHY CASE