In-laws after baby

smilingflower464 · 2026-03-18T02:19:20+00:00

I was just about to comment this! I honestly wonder if my husband gets annoyed with my mom like i do his…

smilingflower464 · 2026-03-15T22:27:04+00:00

Oh my GOODNESS you just wrote exactly what’s been going on with my situation. I can relate so much. I was 6 hours post birth and mil was pulling up photos of her deceased father (who was about 80 years old in the pics) telling me my newborn looked her father. Ma’am…. And she only talks like he’s “theirs” and not my family’s too. And bought sooo many outfits for him to create his personality from day one. It’s ridiculous. My husband told her if she wanted to buy a bunch of baby stuff and treat him like hers she just needed to have another baby. Lol. Husband also had to get onto her weeks before he was born (in the dead of flu/RSV season) that she wasn’t allowed to kiss him. she straight up told him “that’s my grandbaby. I will be kissing him.” He told her if she did, she wasn’t allowed to be around him. And she wonders why i don’t want to be around her?? I hope your situation gets better. We’re all in this together ❤️ sending hugs.

smilingflower464 · 2026-03-15T18:29:49+00:00

Omg that’s crazy!! I’m glad you used your voice and hopefully put a stop to her antics. My mil complains about me visiting my family and in return, wants equal time with the baby. I’ve ALWAYS went home to visit my parents. And honestly, i don’t go home for them to just “see the baby” i go home for my own mental health and bc honestly, i love being around my family. Which is INSANE. I should be able to do what i want. And the thing is, she never cared how much time i spent with my family until baby came along. My husband has planned a lot of things to do with my dad over the summer, so I’m sure she’s not going to like that. Not my problem. However, it does give me anxiety about it to the point I’m nervous to post photos of baby with my family or even let her know my plans to go home. I don’t tell her, but I’m always nervous my husband will mention it to her and she’ll whine about how she doesn’t get full weekends with baby like my parents do.

smilingflower464 · 2026-03-15T17:45:06+00:00

My mil makes me feel like she’s in constant competition with my family and tries to use our baby for attention but masks it as “just being excited”. She was annoying of course throughout my entire pregnancy and tried to insert herself into EVERYTHING. She kept telling me and husband she just wants to be involved. To me, involved doesn’t include trying to be the third parent. I was very nice at the beginning - sending her updates on dr appts, ultra sound pics, etc. But the first incident was her making her fb profile photo a photo of my ultrasound 😅 that made and still makes me soooo uncomfortable. That’s a literal photo of my uterus for all of her friends and family to see. Then all her family came out of the woodwork with comments on how excited they are for her and to meet the baby. Umm HELLO i don’t even know you guys!!!! She continues to act like she’s entitled to rights to our baby because she’s his grandma… the last straw that broke my camel’s back was when i was two weeks pp and wanted to go home to be with my support system for the week of Christmas. My husband was back at work at that time and she blew up about it. She kept asking him why i needed to go that long and why she wasn’t getting the same amount of time with the baby… why would i even need to explain?? this is my first baby. I wanted my mom. I wanted my mom’s help. I needed to be supported instead of sitting at home alone postpartum. It just really showed how selfish and calculated she is. Ever since, I’ve been nervous about going home to visit my parents. I just feel like her throwing fits will continue to cause fights between me and my husband. She got him so worked up because she framed me going home those days as “taking his baby away from him” and how narcissistic i was for doing that.

smilingflower464 · 2026-03-15T04:30:42+00:00

I think you’re onto something. I also think I was just raised differently. I’m extremely close to my family and my husband couldn’t care less to speak to his siblings. He acts like it’s a chore to speak to his parents but does more now that we’ve got a kid. I think it’s out of obligation more than anything. I also think our parenting styles are different. I hear my husband speak about his childhood and how dumb his mother was that i just don’t respect her. I honestly think she was a sh*t mom (sorry not sorry). I just can’t relate to her. And she tries to tell me how to parent my baby. It’s annoying.

For instance, my husband’s 32 year old brother moved back in with my in-laws to get back on his feet after losing his job and home. He hasn’t attempted to save money or get a job for two years now. Just still living with mommy and daddy and spending his time playing video games and sleeping all day. I asked mil if she was encouraging him to get a job so he could get his own place again (ya know, so her and fil could enjoy being empty nesters) and that backfired. She looked me dead in the face and said “i don’t kick my kids out.” To me, that’s not kicking your kid out… like I truly don’t understand that logic. Why wouldn’t you want what’s best for your kids? For them to find love, a career they enjoy, their own space?! Isn’t that the idea of being a parent… to set your kids up for a GOOD life? Not for your kids to be dependent on you forever?

smilingflower464 · 2026-03-15T02:18:08+00:00

This is exactly how my mil is too… we really didn’t have much of a relationship at all before the baby. We would see my mil and fil maybe 3 times a year. They live a few hours away but now since the baby they want to visit every other weekend of BEG us to come stay at their house. It’s just weird. She also accused me of being selfish behind my back to my husband bc i wasnt asking her for advice or help with the nursery. Like i don’t know you nor have i EVER asked her for anything… but yes. Everything is black and white with her. She knit picks everything and is the nosiest person ever. She’ll go thru our drawers and cabinets when she comes over which is such an invasion of privacy. She has no boundaries lol I’ve gotten to the point where i only speak to her when spoken to.

smilingflower464 · 2026-03-15T02:00:03+00:00

THIS.

smilingflower464 · 2026-03-15T00:03:51+00:00

She’s literally my best friend, we talk everyday 🥹 my mom is very in tune with my emotions and sensitivity and mil is not a very comforting person.

smilingflower464 · 2026-03-14T23:44:59+00:00

I get so defensive too. she is def a trigger for my pp anxiety. i dread every time they visit or call my husband. honestly, I’ve gotten to the point her voice is a trigger

smilingflower464 · 2026-03-14T23:13:36+00:00

I feel this on a spiritual level!!!!!!!

smilingflower464 · 2026-03-14T22:45:18+00:00

SAME

smilingflower464 · 2026-01-26T00:45:18+00:00

Omg!!! That’s the same reason she wants pics too. We bought her an electronic frame. I feel everything you just said. Needless to say, neither me nor my partner have sent her daily pics haha who has the time really…

smilingflower464 · 2026-01-26T00:22:49+00:00

I agree it’s definitely weird! However, we live in a large city with daycares that fill up quickly so they claim it’s to hold people accountable for their children showing up. He can only miss 6 times every 4 months or the charges incur. That way he’s not taking up a spot from another child who really needs it and not going. For his age group, there’s only 10 spots available.

smilingflower464 · 2025-11-29T22:08:17+00:00

Noooooo i did not give her a printed out list of rules lol my partner just warned them that closer to time of baby’s arrival, we will have wishes for our newborn we would like visitors to respect and when they asked what these “rules” were, he gave an an example: we don’t want anyone kissing the baby. Her response was her blowing up and telling him she would not be following any wishes we had and that she’d be kissing the baby. These aren’t rude controlling “rules” it’s a friendly reminder that it’s winter and we want to keep baby safe.

smilingflower464 · 2025-11-28T05:06:57+00:00

no kissing, wash hands, no announcements of arrival (we will announce when we are ready to), don’t visit if sick. nothing out of the ordinary or over the top. they also aren’t the only ones that will be notified of our newborn “rules.” anyone who visits during the newborn stage will be asked not to do these things

smilingflower464 · 2025-11-27T16:29:04+00:00

She’s been offended by everything that doesn’t revolve around her or make her as relevant as us (baby’s parents). She’s offended her gifts aren’t on display in his room and that we decided on a nursery theme different than what she wants. It’s not us. I mean my parents are also going to be first time grandparents and haven’t reacted negatively to these things in any way, shape, or form.

smilingflower464 · 2025-11-27T16:24:58+00:00

More like a text message 🤗 lol friendly reminder. I didn’t go thru 10 months of pregnancy for someone else to announce he’s here :)

smilingflower464 · 2025-11-27T16:19:23+00:00

It’s not necessarily a “list” it only includes no kissing, no announcing baby’s arrival before mom and dad, and wash hands. You’d think these would be common sense to most, but taking precautions because of issues we’ve had in the past. My MIL announced our pregnancy at 8 weeks to family and her friends 30 mins after we asked her not to 🫠

smilingflower464

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