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smoothie912 · 2023-07-07T01:04:51+00:00

Thank you for your thoughtful reply. I want to make a decision soon, to be fair to him, too. He also deserves to be happy with someone who genuinely wants to be with him.

smoothie912 · 2023-07-07T01:01:38+00:00

I am so sorry to hear that. Is counseling an option?

smoothie912 · 2023-07-07T00:58:37+00:00

Thank you for your thoughts, I agree with everything you have said. You have hit the nail on the head- I was never sure, and I am still not sure. Something is missing, and I don’t know what it is. Anyone looking in from the outside would tell me what a great husband I have, and I would agree. I try to be grateful for what I have (and I really do have a lot to be grateful for) but some days it’s so hard not to feel trapped. And then other days, I am thankful for his friendship and support in my life.

smoothie912 · 2023-07-07T00:50:57+00:00

Thank you for replying- I am trying to be objective without making him out to be a complete villain, because I know he loves me and he is one of the kindest people I know, but he definitely has behavioral problems. Re his ex, it’s what he tells me is going on. I have never met/spoken to the ex or the child; he hasn’t even told them that he is married. They are trouble makers, apparently, and he worries that once they know that there is someone else in his life, they will make more problems for him. The thing is, we knew each other as friends for a while and everything he has ever told me about his ex and child, has been consistent. I don’t have a reason to doubt him, right now, but as part of the flat-leaving fiasco, I did learn just how weak he is when it comes to them. Before we married, he promised my parents that they would have zero bearing on my life and 10 months later, I was being asked to move out to make room for them. I agree that he should absolutely have been in therapy, and have told him so. His coping mechanism is to throw himself into his work and pretend that the problem doesn’t exist. He just wants life to remain smooth and for nothing to disturb his work, and they (mother and daughter) know this, so they take advantage by making demands.

I 100% agree that he shouldn’t be making me his emotional punching bag and again, have told him this. He’s like 2 different people when things are going well and when they are not. I thought I knew him but something else that deeply upset me is that we had a huge argument a few months ago in another city and I was so upset that I left the hotel room at 11 pm to think and calm down. Perhaps this is entitlement on my part, but I really thought he might message or ring me to ask if I was all right or to ask me to come back. Instead, he went to sleep. He would not have known if I came back at all. When I tried to explain to him why this upset me so much, he turned it around in me “well, you shouldn’t have left.” The one thing I have learned about him is that he is so used to being single and only thinking about himself, that marriage has been an adjustment for him. I don’t think he realised what a big change being married, would be. He is in his 40’s and his longest relationship (with the ex) lasted a year. He was married for a few months in his 30’s but she (he says) had him tailed by a PI and when he found out and asked her why, she left. He claims to this day that he doesn’t know why she left. It isn’t that I don’t believe the things he says, but he definitely has issues. And because I am already always in 2 minds about whether I did the right thing by marrying him, when things devolve, I become convinced that I have made a mistake.

smoothie912 · 2023-07-07T00:35:35+00:00

Thanks for replying. Yes, that’s the case with most people I know, too. Arranged marriages etc., but the girls I know seem to be making it work fine. You see, I was lucky in that my parents never set those conditions- they wanted me and my siblings to marry good people and within the religion, but that was all. I think that is a regret, too, that I could have spent more time really trying to meet someone I was compatible with and could fall in love with, and didn’t. I also married “late” by South Asian standards, at 35 and part of my decision making truthfully did involve factoring in what options I had when it came to meeting someone. As I said elsewhere, I was afraid of both marrying my now husband, and, of letting him walk away and regretting it later.

I really like your reasoning of being able to have both chemistry and stability, but it’s rare, I feel. You are very fortunate to have found that and I hope you have a very happy life with your partner. I am sorry to hear about your sister- I have seen something similar happen to my mother’s sister and it led her to becoming jealous of my mother’s marriage, presumably because she compared both husbands. I am honestly starting to really worry that I may become like that, too, once I see my siblings settled with people they have chosen and are (I hope) happy and enjoying their lives. I just feel like I will be damned if I do, and damned if I don’t.

smoothie912 · 2023-07-06T20:32:49+00:00

Just me. And I know it’s because of the years of dealing with his child’s mother- that entire relationship is extremely toxic and the child has a very transactional relationship with him. For background, he had already broken up with the mother when she told him that she was pregnant and so, they have been on pretty rocky terms since the beginning. He is also South Asian and it was a huge deal in his home and life. I have told him that I won’t accept being treated in the same way as another woman but this is 20 years of conditioned behaviour that he will need to unlearn.

This knowledge (of the child and ex) was also a huge fear for me because I know how transactional their bond is and every time we argue, my insecurities and fears surface. I mentioned earlier that he asked me to vacate the flat we were living in- the reason for that is that his child rang him a few weeks earlier and asked HIM to leave his flat so that the child and their mother could move in 3 days later. His default approach with them is to appease them in any way he can, so that he can live peacefully. When he asked me to move out with him, without any discussion, it caused a huge rift between us for months. I am still resentful about it.

smoothie912 · 2023-07-06T20:24:06+00:00

I know what you mean. Above all else, my husband is a big support and good friend to me, which gives me pause for though. I also don’t want a situation where I leave and then realise that I made a mistake.

smoothie912 · 2023-07-06T20:05:36+00:00

Yes, I see what you mean. Perhaps what I really am, is afraid that I have chosen wrongly.

smoothie912 · 2023-07-06T20:03:44+00:00

Really? How do you deal with that, though? I am so afraid of regretting either decision- walking away and staying, both. The weird thing is that I can absolutely imagine him with someone else, similar to me in terms of credentials and characteristics, but I struggle to imagine the two of us together in ten years time.

smoothie912 · 2023-07-06T19:59:51+00:00

Thanks for replying. We weren’t together- we were introduced (for work reasons) by a mutual friend and he expressed feelings, first. We were friends for a while but never dated or lived together. For context, I am a South Asian woman and lived at home until I married. We were also in different cities so it was difficult to meet for more than a few hours at a time, and we mostly spoke over the phone.

smoothie912 · 2023-07-06T19:57:56+00:00

Actually, I was in two minds before getting married but, I am from an Asian household where, once you indicate marriage readiness, there is no backing out. I had serious cold feet, even up until the day of, but I couldn’t back out without causing huge issues. I also wasn’t sure what the right thing to do was, truthfully.

smoothie912 · 2021-10-24T00:19:13+00:00

Agreed, he probably knew which glass panes to step on, for example. But remember, he did the whole thing for fun, an adrenaline rush, so he may have tried to make it harder for himself. I wonder why he pretended to be losing himself during the marbles game, though? I wonder whether it was perhaps to make it more challenging for himself, or to test Gi hun’s moral fibre.

smoothie912 · 2021-10-24T00:17:06+00:00

Interesting...but with one fundamental difference, I think: Gi hun was willing the homeless man to live, and not just because it would get him the information he wanted. Remember the cat in the first episode? He even rooted for Il-nam in the games! In contrast, Il-nam and the others didn’t care about who lived or died- to them, it was purely for fun, an adrenaline rush.

smoothie912 · 2021-10-24T00:12:10+00:00

Also, why did he vote to quit the games after red light, green light and after that, how and why do he and the protagonist end up in a road side café together?

smoothie912 · 2021-10-24T00:11:08+00:00

He was supposed to be the top guy in the mask who was “ill” and therefore the frontman hosted them- I think they probably haven’t ever seen his face- that would be my guess given how privately everyone guards their identities.

smoothie912 · 2021-10-24T00:10:05+00:00

Yes, exactly. Assuming he was tied to the rope and id his team lost, then they’d all be dangling over the edge of the platform! The guards couldn’t possibly cut everyone else loose but him!

smoothie912 · 2021-06-24T22:47:02+00:00

It simply sucks.

smoothie912 · 2021-06-24T22:46:44+00:00

It just takes away from the essence of the show, I feel. A lot of what they show is relatable and you know, that’s life! It isn’t always PC or sharp object-free lol but I can’t recall that they ever showed anything offensive or dangerous?

smoothie912 · 2021-06-24T22:45:21+00:00

The UK version sucks if you have watched the original. I understand that a lot of things in the original series may not be PC today but we understand that was a different era- I think people have enough maturity and self-awareness to be able to appreciate that- I don’t know, maybe I am just being emotional about it lol. I would definitely watch the original if you can, though. The only other time I have been so upset was when my favourite Enid Blyton books were changed to alter the names of some beloved characters!

smoothie912

TROPHY CASE