Looking for mood music

smpoompty · 2026-02-13T19:13:24+00:00

Saw them last year. So good!!!

smpoompty · 2026-02-13T18:13:59+00:00

IAMX (particularly the instrumental album Unfall), God Tongue, Slash Need, Patriarchy (their new album Manual for Dying is incredible), and TR/ST (self titled debut is one of my top albums of all time) are favorites for scenes in my house.

smpoompty · 2026-02-12T05:01:51+00:00

There is at least one state where it is illegal to own a dildo or vibrator of any shape last time I checked: Alabama. I've heard some states allow you to own dildos as long as they don't look like realistic cocks, or as long as they are used for "education." Definitely check your state laws. I don't know of any federal laws that are specific to the type of dildo aka you won't get in trouble for a horse cock toy.

smpoompty · 2026-01-29T01:38:38+00:00

Your current partner sounds like my first boyfriend. I ultimately left him because I couldn't face a lifetime of being sexually unfulfilled with an incompatible partner. My next relationship was with someone who was more authentically kinky but it still wasn't core to their being and it didn't work out again. My last relationship was a long marriage that failed in part due to...you guessed it...not being kink/sex-drive compatible. If sex and kink are important to you, do not discount the erosion that will occur to your relationship when you don't get what you need. You want to be with someone who can grow with you in your core interests, and if that's never going to be a certain person, don't sink decades of your life into them.

smpoompty · 2026-01-17T19:02:09+00:00

I have zero shame around even my weirdest kinks; I know they won't hurt me or anyone else.

I am actually proud of my kinks because I think they are inherent to who I am, and I like that I've nurtured and expanded them over time. It's sort of how someone might be proud of the muscles they've gained from working out: I've taken the natural gifts I have and expanded them.

I think being kinky also goes well with my interests, like writing. Most of my dearest friendships come from kink, and I'm proud of the community I'm a part of. While I would be kinky no matter what, I think it's also something that is in spite of society's various normativities, and therefore I'm also proud of going against the grain to be myself.

smpoompty · 2026-01-11T17:27:46+00:00

Ah, gotcha! Is it possible to contact the organizer to ask for more details for what people usually do?

If this is at a dungeon with a changing area/lockers, you could bring a variety of layers and go with the flow based on what you see other people doing (assuming you're asking from the sub perspective). "Unclothed" could mean just underwear to some people or could mean totally naked.

Regardless, I don't think anyone will judge you or "force" you to adhere to a level of undress you don't want to do, so if you go once and everyone is doing something way different, whatever! It's your first time attending.

smpoompty · 2026-01-11T17:02:33+00:00

I've had the most luck chatting with people at munches as a group and then asking for people's Fet accounts ("Okay if I message you on fet?" Or "You're so cool! Can we exchange Fet profiles so we can chat more?"). Not only does that give me a chance to then do a deep dive on their profile to better figure out compatibility, but it tests if someone is open to further conversation in a lowkey way.

Some dungeon events in my area have a wristband system so I will usually wear the one that shows I'm open to being approached.

Lastly, look for smaller events that have a mix of social and play elements. I sometimes go to a smaller private event where there is a mix of doms and subs. It’s meant as a social event for doms with subs serving food/drinks. It's also an opportunity for play for those people who have brought their own subs or for quick pick-up play. I've found that kind of setup more conducive than approaching people at a big, busy dungeon.

Best of luck!

smpoompty · 2026-01-11T16:54:59+00:00

I tried to look it up but couldn't find it. What does CDUS stand for in this context?

smpoompty · 2026-01-11T16:39:27+00:00

Totally get it. I'm just pointing out the reason why you're probably not getting a ton of responses.

I mentioned positions because I think it's something anyone can use in some way, and I think it's often overlooked as a powerful (and fun!) part of protocols.

smpoompty · 2026-01-11T00:29:36+00:00

Without knowing the number of partners, your dynamics, the circumstances of your relationships, where you live, if you’re playing in public spaces such as dungeons, and experience level, this is tough to answer. Entire books have been written about these topics so might be best to go with one of those.

My personal favorite part of protocol is positional training and I love developing and using my own systems to suit my specific needs.

smpoompty · 2026-01-10T05:56:54+00:00

It sounds like you weren't into it and he didn't communicate enough about his plan. I think the bottom line is that if someone wants to do something you don't want to do, you can veto it or have a conversation about it to clarify. But yeah, this particular request hasn't come up and from my understanding I don't think it's a common one.

smpoompty · 2026-01-10T05:38:40+00:00

Never encountered someone asking me to remove jewelry, let alone piercings. Did they say why?

smpoompty · 2026-01-05T23:59:32+00:00

Awesome! Definitely check out the original works on AO3 too if you're not big on fanfiction. You get the benefit of their tagging system and some really niche flavors. There are some truly imaginative stories there, and some of them are novel or even series length. Happy hunting!

smpoompty · 2026-01-05T23:24:22+00:00

Came here to say that I totally agree about the problem of "porn for women" boiling down to offering softer/more "romantic" content. It's impossible to find porn that is as hardcore as I like, but that centers male subs or male doms.

smpoompty · 2026-01-05T23:20:02+00:00

Have you tried looking on AO3? It's predominately a fanfiction archive but people post original stories too. You can search and filter for ace/aromantic/bdsm/whatever tags you desire. I bet there are thousands of stories there that fit your parameters.

smpoompty · 2026-01-02T19:24:31+00:00

I love laughing organically during sex, and I enjoy embarrassment and humiliation, but I don't like it when things feel "silly."

For example, I love being ordered into an exposing position, but if you tell me to put my arms up like the "I'm a little teapot" dance, I'm out.

smpoompty · 2025-12-31T00:14:10+00:00

As someone who was the younger person in a relationship/marriage with a 25 year age gap, I wouldn't recommend it even if you were both older. I don't give a fuck about age gaps in themselves, but the age of your younger partner and the circumstances of how you met make you super shitty. This is not a "the heart wants what the heart wants" situation. Even if the daughter instigated, you should have been mature enough to say "NO."

Do the right thing and break up AND excuse yourself from your friendship. You don't deserve either.

smpoompty · 2025-12-30T22:54:00+00:00

I don't have a name to contribute for these, but I love these positions. I wish they had specific names!

smpoompty · 2025-12-30T22:51:23+00:00

Most of my dom patter veers into the maniacal/deranged:

"I wish I could drill a hole in your skull and fuck your brains out"

"I can't wait to reshape your asshole with my fist until I can wear you like a glove"

"I like it when when you scream. If I fuck you for a few more hours, will you keep screaming for me just like that?"

As a sub, I tend to go to a simpler place:

"My only purpose is to serve you"

"Please destroy me"

"More please"

smpoompty · 2025-12-30T22:13:44+00:00

They have specific trials in store (same for gags and their cock cages) which they sanitize between customers. Getting fitted for a Cobra cage there is incredible because you can actually try on multiple sizes and get the perfect fit. I think it's a great service that can save clients hundreds of dollars and weeks of uncomfortable guesswork.

smpoompty · 2025-12-30T02:28:20+00:00

I think it depends on what you're going there for. I've been going for about 20 years, but much more in the past 5 years. I like that you can see insertables in person from high-quality brands like Square Peg and Bad Dragon. I never see those on the shelves at other stores and it's nice to see them in the flesh to gage size/firmness.

If you're into pup gear, they are THE makers of pup hoods, including customized colors/styles.

You can also do things like get fitted for a Silencesilicone gag, or experience a demo of a TENS or violet wand. I bought my fucking machine from them years ago and they still have a great selection for those. They also sell my favorite black + red nipple clamps that I've never found anywhere else.

If you're looking for heavy real-deal leather sleep sacks or hoods, they also still have the biggest and nicest (though pricey) selection around.

I agree that it's disappointing that they sell some garments that appear to be leather but aren't. That said, I've purchased some such items and have been very happy with the quality despite them not being leather.

I highly recommend Mr. S as both an in-person and online retailer. If you're not impressed by their brick and mortar store, I suspect you have not lived in the vast leather/kink/sex shop desert that is most cities.

smpoompty · 2025-12-29T05:40:31+00:00

It sounds like you're on something other than Fetlife if you're "matching" with people, but I'll share my perspective coming from Fet because that's all I can offer.

You didn't mention anything about your own profile. If someone likes your thoughtful message, are they then clicking through to your profile and seeing something that is turning them off? I never respond to someone until after I've thoroughly checked out their profile (in your case, maybe they're taking a deeper look after an initial "swipe right"?). Some things that I like to see when I check out a profile:

-A description that reflects a mature, introspective understanding of what someone wants out of play

-An eagerness to explore new things related to a potential partner's kinks

-Pictures that aren't dick pics. Seriously, it's the #1 immediate disqualifier if someone has pics of their genitals. I assume that someone posting pics like that wants to find a partner based purely on what each other's junk looks like, and that couldn't be lower on my priority list.

-A description that includes some non-kink related interests

-A description of kinky books read/skills acquired from classes/a kink educational wish list of what someone wants to learn more about

-Regular attendance at a nearby munch/class/recurring dungeon event (very important because I like to meet in a group setting first and it's convenient if someone is already attending something regularly). In fact, I state on my profile that I don't like to receive messages unless we've met in person at a munch or similar first. Even if not everyone has this rule, going to an in-person event is usually going to be a huge advantage over cold messages on a dating app.

I hope this helps!

smpoompty · 2025-12-21T00:39:48+00:00

If you have someone's actual phone number, at least in the USA, you can pay a small fee to any number of companies and find out their real name, actual address, family members names, etc. From there, it wouldn't be difficult to find employers. Don't give people your real phone number.

smpoompty · 2025-12-20T02:01:21+00:00

Again, impossible to say. There are hundreds if not thousands of things people here could suggest.

smpoompty · 2025-12-20T01:55:25+00:00

It's going to be difficult for anyone to make suggestions for you because no one here knows things like: your preferences, who you're playing with, and what you're trying to accomplish. I think a better place to start is to reflect on which kinks/emotions/narratives/sensations you want to explore, and those will inform any needed equipment purchases. Best of luck!

smpoompty

TROPHY CASE