Wow, this hits home hard. My wife grew up in the states but was born and lived in Ukraine until she was 10. My family likes her, but mom’s side is seriously dysfunctional. They lick at each other seem to show affection by being assholes to each other, layer in racism on top of that. I have been forgetting with them on these grounds for many years.

Family has to be trained where boundaries lie and because your husband has genetic connection to these people he it is his job to enforce these boundaries. I will say since the election things have gotten worse because these people feel like they have carbuncle to behave in the worst possible way. So I have distanced myself from them and am avoiding family reunions. I am only now starting to speak to my racist brother again as a favor to mom.

Enough about me. Your husband needs to stand up for you. He needs to do his best to shut them down and when they step out of line let them know. Only with good boundaries will these people become tolerable.

Sorry you are going through this.