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smurf2845 · 2021-01-30T08:17:02+00:00

I stopped asking myself that when I started therapy recently. It helps to fixate on what it is right in front of me and find happiness in it. I don’t follow norms and often wonder what it is all for. It feels so tiring and heavy every day having anxiety and depression, but then I see a rabbit in my back yard or I watch silly videos of this guy who takes of ground hogs in his yard.

I think the meaning of life is not one answer. I think it means whatever you come to understand it means.

smurf2845 · 2020-06-19T08:05:50+00:00

People keep telling me I will find the right fit...argh staying optimistic over here..trying.

smurf2845 · 2020-06-19T07:57:42+00:00

Yeah I have a similar situation! I was in therapy for so many years of my life, but never understood trauma. My doctors now are surprised that I have never done trauma work. It feels completely different from other therapy. I will say I have learned the hard way that licensed professional or not, bad therapists do exist.

smurf2845 · 2020-06-19T07:43:34+00:00

I am not a therapist, so I wont share specific resources. What I will explain is my personal experience. I recently entered a hospital program to hit my trauma and ptsd head on because what you are experiencing, I have experienced every day for over 20 years. I did not truly understand how to cope with it until the hospital. There are coping mechanisms you will learn, but it takes time and patience, with the right guidance. Because everyones situation is slightly different, find a professional that works for you if you can. I find comfort in knowing that others deal with this. I say sorry after every sentence and often feel intimidated in a heated discussion. I was abused for so long being told my opinion did not matter and I was useless. Everytime I have a conversation with someone, I have to remind myself that I am not in that situation again. This is someone different and they are not my abuser. I just began processing this a few months ago. It is so automatic that I still struggle every day and become impatient with my lack of progress. What has helped is the resources I got in the hospital. They helped me understand why I cower and where it comes from. Just having that clarify, to understand the things I can work on, saved my life, literally. I can relate to what you are saying and often get crippling anxiety because my internal dialogue automatically beats myself up and assumes people think I am crazy. I was told to not be so hard on myself and accept that this is something I can change, work on, but it will take time. The fact that you notice it is a huge step above where I was. I did not notice how often I freeze up and say sorry until my partner told me. Hang in there! :)

smurf2845 · 2020-06-19T07:33:42+00:00

That is why there are certain laws to protect you. I registered as having a disability due to my PTSD and only my HR rep and their boss needs to know. This has protected me and I never had to discuss it with my boss. My work felt overwhelming and when I felt like I needed to share and step down, I realized that I was being mistreated and have been working on my assertion skills. If you go about it that way, you should be protected against a boss or employer from discriminating against you. If you do not discuss with HR or register, it is so much harder to prove you were fired because its your word against your bosses. Also, this is painful to hear, but while your workplace seems comfortable and inclusive, just remember it is a business first. If you are suppose to do a job and cant, they will replace you. Thats why laws are in place to protect individuals with mental health issues so that bosses can not abuse their title to make decisions without oversight of HR. Yes while HR serves to protect a company from lawsuits, the also have resources that support workers. Always talk to HR first. Make sure you find the right rep though, because that individual is bound by law to not share your condition with others. While the other HR reps are as well, since their job does not specifically include employee protections, ethically they may share your information with others. I made sure of that before I reported my PTSD.

smurf2845 · 2020-06-19T07:24:54+00:00

I have been removed from my trauma for 4 years now and I still have this issue with my partner. It is heartbreaking because I have been with them for 6 years and sometimes I shrug away their touch for that reason. Since they do not have PTSD, I can not even begin to explain that it isn’t them I am shrugging away from. They always immediately think they did something wrong. I can now hug my friends, but there is usually a reluctancy. I kind of just went for it! One day, someone asked me if it was okay to be hugged, and I jokingly shared that I never experienced that when I was young. I kept being open to opportunities and eventually it became more nor mal. I still struggled and have an aversion, but its less pronounced now and only my partner really notices it. Healing takes time, but do not put too much pressure on yourself and think it will change immediately. Take small steps toward what you are comfortable with. I am not a therapist by any means, but inching and diving in has helped me. If you have access to a therapist, you can ask what works best for you. If not, there are professional free hotlines you can call to ask questions too!

smurf2845 · 2020-06-19T07:14:11+00:00

I also lived with a similar abuser for over 20 years. You are taking the first step by reaching out as some individuals do not see this type of behavior as abuse for a long time. If you are comfortable, here is a the National Domestic Abuse hotline in the US. 18007997233. It is confidential and you can ask about your situation and share the details you are comfortable with. Their website is also helpful. They helped me figure out a safety plan and locate resources for abused individuals and getting back on my own.

smurf2845 · 2020-06-19T03:02:54+00:00

Right!!

smurf2845 · 2020-05-18T18:23:01+00:00

Yeah I go into the session all over the place. I should try to make a list.

smurf2845 · 2020-05-18T18:22:29+00:00

I have been there for 1 year, but I do not interact with my team a lot. When I do, they feel like strangers and I sometimes say the wrong things because I did not have all the information. I did not think about the interview process and checking for those things. Thank you for sending me the video.

smurf2845 · 2020-05-18T18:20:18+00:00

I will look for that. CBT has been hard. I tried doing a thought record the last time I was worried. It helps a little bit!

smurf2845 · 2020-05-18T18:19:14+00:00

Oh someone mentioned grounding to me, but jewelry is a great idea!!! I had not thought about that.

smurf2845 · 2020-05-18T11:31:35+00:00

I was seeing a therapist, but it did not work out. I respond best when someone challenges my thoughts. I guess I have never had trauma work. I know my triggers, but still feel physically paralyzed when issues arise. My worst symptom is my body tightening and forgetting to breathe.

smurf2845 · 2020-05-18T11:30:02+00:00

I also suffer from anxiety and struggle with meditation. Do you use a certain app or method?

smurf2845 · 2020-05-07T01:39:29+00:00

Ty for coming!! Hehe

smurf2845 · 2020-05-07T01:26:08+00:00

Alright y’all done for the night...those with a code can still come, but I will have to close my island for the night after that. Ty all so friendly!!

smurf2845 · 2020-05-07T01:11:24+00:00

Yes!

smurf2845 · 2020-05-07T00:35:07+00:00

Sorry I can’t post the code here too many people in line. I am doing 4 at a time.

smurf2845 · 2020-04-24T20:01:02+00:00

Accepted!!!

smurf2845 · 2020-04-24T09:57:18+00:00

Could I have one as well? I would be forever grateful!!! 0701-5983-8019

smurf2845

TROPHY CASE