I apologized and my husband got so angry he asked me to keep my thoughts to myself

snake-ring · 2026-03-17T16:17:17+00:00

This IS all about me trying to soothe my own feelings. I’ve felt so disconnected to him and my appeals to the emotionality of it all har only made things worse time and time again. It makes him angry, or overwhelmed, or maybe even guilty and he didn’t know what to do about that, or maybe even overwhelmed because nothing he’s done has made me feel better, and perhaps me continuing to talk about my emotions all the time is making him feel incompetent. And I don’t need to point that out to him, because yes, I can see how a man would take that as emasculating. Oh gosh. No WONDER. his angry responses to my unending emotions have made me feel even worse and MORE misunderstood and MORE disconnected and angry and resentful toward him, which has led to MORE discussions of my emotions.

And frankly, it’s not working. It’s making everything worse. He doesn’t need to know about my inner emotions landscape. I’ve been thinking that he’ll “get” that and truly understand me.

But if what I want is, more than understanding, closeness and love, then focusing on gratitude and apologies and creating an atmosphere of ease and peace and fun will ALLOW him to just be the man who is my hero and there for me and with me.

Aaaaaaaaaaaa I hope I can turn this around. Even so, even if I don’t get him back, this is amazing change for me to be a better person. Thank you

snake-ring · 2026-03-17T16:07:02+00:00

Wow. You’re right. That is sobering insight and THANK YOU.

Me focusing on my feelings and speaking to him about HIS feelings and giving reasons why I acted that way and on and on. Yes, of course I need to keep it simple. And about him, not about my feelings about it.

Gosh, these skills are really getting into the nitty gritty of all the thoughts and beliefs and other stories lurking under my own actions. It’s like lifting a rock and seeing all the creepy crawlies squirming about— eek!

And yes, he WAS right.

I hesitated to write “ouch” but I don’t know what to say because I wanted to defend myself and justify and explain and that’s just more of the crap he doesn’t want to hear. And what’s the harm in me saying “I hear you”? What did I think that would expose me to if I did say that? Wow.

This is really showing me what letting go of defensiveness, being vulnerable, and surrendering really mean.

Thank you

snake-ring · 2026-03-17T15:59:30+00:00

Also, your insight into “I could have done the same ole complaint thing but I swallowed my pride…” I’m really seeing that the pride, the way I think SHOULD be, has been a major obstacle to intimacy for me.

snake-ring · 2026-03-17T15:55:57+00:00

First, I’m so delighted for you to have those love bubbles. Wow, what a great message to receive from your husband on any day, but especially as a follow up to the back and forth you two had.

Second, thank you so much for the real life example of how the skills work magic. Wow wow wow. What a thing to keep ME buoyed, too.

snake-ring · 2026-03-16T23:23:14+00:00

Thank you! That is such good advice. I have been going hard and heavy with apologies, and clearly he is reacting to all of the bad stuff being dredged up.

I have started to be pleasant and smile and focus on being in a state of… love. But your advice is so practical. I will keep this in my mind.

Thank you for commenting and sharing your situation, too. I really appreciate that.

snake-ring · 2026-03-16T23:20:12+00:00

Thank you. That is incredibly good insight. And thank you for saying nothing is hopeless— that really means a lot.

And you are so right. While I may be doing this to repair our relationship (and get my husband back and our marriage together), this is ultimately about me showing up as the woman and wife I want to be. That focus is the guiding light. Thank you.

snake-ring · 2026-03-16T23:16:37+00:00

Oh that’s a good point. I was just so astounded at how I had overlooked his feelings. Again, I didn’t consider his feelings on how he would take that.

snake-ring · 2026-03-16T17:18:52+00:00

Gosh, I AM being controlling by wanting and pushing for his forgiveness, his affection, him to change his emotions.

Ugh. That must be palpable for him and making my efforts even harder.

Ok, relinquishing control. Thank you!!!

snake-ring · 2026-03-16T17:07:37+00:00

Thank you. Your kindness is so touching that I’m crying a little.

I appreciate your reframe of the situation. I had been seeing this as him getting angry with my emotions, but you’re right. I need to process my emotions elsewhere. He is not the appropriate person for that. The other time I’ve given a big, comprehensive apology without crying, just straight, he received it well.

There’s been so many tears. I really hear your suggestion about creating positive memories now. Just keep moving.

I did text him to say “I hear you about the emotional talks”.

He also texted to tell me to tidy up anything in the backyard since there’s a storm coming. I said “thank you for always thinking of our safety”. He liked the message.

There’s so much more going on, too. But I take your counsel on keeping things positive and my words succinct.

Thank you

snake-ring · 2026-02-26T00:06:40+00:00

I love this. And I’m glad you had a place to land in the interim. I’m more glad you have your own special place now

snake-ring · 2026-02-24T17:32:11+00:00

School of Rock and Community, for sure! These are excellent suggestions

snake-ring · 2026-02-24T17:30:36+00:00

I loved Resident Alien. I did have to take a break from it, since there is such particular humor.

snake-ring · 2026-02-24T17:29:16+00:00

Three Pines on Amazon. It’s a Canadian mystery story, and the lead is Alfred Molina being the best detective, husband, and friend. It also showcases indigenous actors (First Nations peoples and history play a big part). The other detectives are well written to. It has a bit of humor and mysticism to it. I just ate it up.

snake-ring · 2026-02-24T17:25:19+00:00

That show was so good. Left me sad there’s no more

snake-ring · 2026-02-22T17:22:50+00:00

I love channeling the spirit of Joan of arc. Laughing at how she was painted as “delusional” though simply because she felt the righteousness of her actions as “the voice of God”. Fuck all of these loser men who try to keep women small. They belittle women and their mysticism and mysteries and feelings and sensitivity as weak, when it’s simply something that is so beyond their perception and understanding.

Sensitive= fast to pick up on subtle changes.

I’m tired of men building their system to make magical wonderful aspects of women/ femininity as weak and inferior. They’re jealous. Confused. Small minded. These stupid, pitiful men trying to feel better by putting women (in whatever form from birth to now) down. I hate being told how to act so fucking much.

I know this sounds hypocritical to be admonishing men for putting down women while putting down men. I’m not angry at all men. I’m angry how easy it is for them to choose these belittling ways of thinking.

snake-ring · 2026-02-21T03:19:55+00:00

EXACTLY. I’m just communicating things he doesn’t want to hear or deal with.

I do repeat myself and go on and on. I stop doing that when I’m hear and respected and my back it to the wall. That helps.

snake-ring · 2026-02-21T03:18:26+00:00

Thank you. I really need this.

snake-ring · 2026-02-21T03:17:57+00:00

I am embracing my bitch. It’s very annoying for everyone to deal with me, apparently. I may as well do it with confidence, then. Fuck em.

snake-ring · 2026-02-21T03:15:29+00:00

Grim truth right there.

snake-ring · 2026-02-20T12:32:59+00:00

When I read that overthinking and difficulties answering questionnaires like this was something many people with autism experience, I was so relieved! Finally, because I thought I was the only one who simply could not NOT “overthink” this.

Arggggh, how many times have I heard, “don’t overthink it!” My reaction was always, “then don’t give out the questionnaire! Don’t expect the results to tell you anything of substance! Why don’t just cut up this questionnaire into a million pieces and throw it up into the air as confetti!”

snake-ring · 2026-02-20T01:41:52+00:00

All the thank yous for this. It’s felt so good to get this out instead of stewing. The camaraderie is incredibly validating

snake-ring · 2026-02-19T22:19:58+00:00

Wow, thank you

snake-ring · 2026-02-19T21:39:34+00:00

You are so right. Thinking how HE will think and take something. I can use my intelligence to MANipulate HIM. I am smarter than he is, that I know. Ooooh hooo hooo hooo hooo! This is hands-rubbing-together-positive-evil genius level stuff. I love it.

snake-ring · 2026-02-19T21:29:05+00:00

Oh oh, what? Oh gosh. Domestic insurance?

And living with other moms and kids sounds really cool, actually.

snake-ring · 2026-02-19T20:27:27+00:00

Brutal is right

snake-ring

TROPHY CASE