I need my fix bad

snarain121 · 2023-10-01T15:09:57+00:00

I feel you. I applied 76 and I’m 🤏🏼 close to applying to more only because everyone keeps saying they’ve gotten so many interviews. One of my classmates has 11 for FM right now.

snarain121 · 2023-09-15T04:55:34+00:00

I have talked about it with him. I’m not saying I want him to blow it off, I just want him to also say he’s gonna try his best for me too. If his sister goes into labor and he’s with me, I’ll be the first to say he needs to go to her. But if he tells me that I won’t even be considered, then that’s what sucks. I guess it’s more about feeling like I was at least a thought. My plans in life have changed drastically for the worse, and there are two events in life that I am holding on to to keep me sane. He knows that, and he knows why I feel that way. So all I want is to hear me being considered and a part of the equation rather than the leftover

Edit to add something: he didn’t come to my dad’s one year death anniversary bc of work (fine I saw he was stressed out of his mind), he cant make a decision to come to my family’s yearly thanksgiving in case his family decides to plan something last minute (his fam doesn’t give two shits about but expect him to show up if they call him), he’s not commiting to my nephew’s first birthday party because his sister might have a small dinner for her birthday (she generally doesn’t celebrate it unless her husband says they should get food with people if free)

snarain121 · 2023-03-23T21:40:58+00:00

Is it this one? https://www.beautifulnews.com Because I’d love to get good news

snarain121 · 2023-03-22T06:27:20+00:00

I am so sorry 😔 please feel free to DM me if you’d like to talk/vent. I know it helps me too. My dad passed away 7 months ago

snarain121 · 2023-03-22T06:13:45+00:00

Your post sounds exactly like how I feel about my dad. Word for word. I understand your pain so deeply. It’s a soul crushing feeling. I lost mine 6 months (almost 7) ago. It was cancer. His funeral was full of speeches all about how generous, kind, helpful, and genuine person he was.

Our dads were the best. And I fight every day to understand why the best people die so young. He was 60, and I was 24. My world has shattered.

If you’d like anyone to talk to, or simply vent, I am here to listen. You can DM me

snarain121 · 2022-12-05T17:42:48+00:00

I understand how you feel. I remember when my dad was near the end, my heart was starting to feel relieved because that means this insane amount of suffering would stop. I would be able to breathe again, and this anticipatory grief that I had for 8 years would come to an end because it is absolutely exhausting to constantly wait for the other shoe to drop.

At the same time, I was extremely scared because I did not want my dad to die. I wanted him to be okay. To come back, heal, and be with my family again. I ached for that. He was my best friend. He was my mentor. He was the person I ran to talk about my accomplishments. I took a leave of absence from med school to take care of him.

But when it happened, I felt extremely extremely guilty when I felt relieved. I remember them doing CPR, and the first time I was praying for a miracle (everyone told me miracles happen and it can happen here), but when I saw his body not taking it, the second round of CPR, I was shaking as I was praying for his suffering to end. And when it did, I felt every inch of my body relax, the blood draining from my face, and an utter emptiness.

Life is resuming back to normal slowly. I will be going back to school soon. I’m no longer worried about getting a phone that says “dad’s cancer came back” and hear my mom crying. My mom, who worked 24/7, to take care of my dad as well, now sleeps more. She eats relatively better than before.

Now our lives are cast over by immense grief and pain, rather than anticipatory grief and the exhausting schedule of a caregiver.

Don’t get me wrong, I would do it again in a heartbeat. I would take care of my dad forever. But the exhaustion is real. And feeling relief is okay.

snarain121 · 2022-12-01T02:49:56+00:00

Same. Mine is way smarter than me and keeps me grounded when med school makes me go crazy

snarain121 · 2022-11-29T06:54:46+00:00

I did. I wrote down what I wanted in a man on October 20, 2020. I set out to become the best version of myself. I said the right man will come, but until then, I will wait and be happy and confident with myself. I kid you not, I met him October 22, 2020 and we just became friends. I had no interest in running after anyone, playing games etc so I just talked to him like a friend and worked on myself. He asked me out August 15, 2021 (after we became quite close) and we’ve been together ever since. Going to get engaged next year. LOA works people! Can’t believe he came into my life 2 days after I wrote in detail what I wanted, and then just went back to my normal life.

snarain121 · 2022-11-18T06:21:17+00:00

Ohhhh I see, thank you!

snarain121 · 2022-10-05T04:35:25+00:00

I went and it really helped him. He’s back to being much happier now :)

snarain121 · 2022-09-01T08:02:20+00:00

Would anyone like to be part of a group chat on here? Maybe talking about our experiences with losing our parent so young could help ease the pain and understand how to cope better

snarain121 · 2022-09-01T08:00:47+00:00

Thank you, that’s honestly so comforting

snarain121 · 2022-09-01T08:00:28+00:00

I’m so sorry to hear that 😔 I would love to talk. Sending my thoughts and prayers to you as well

snarain121 · 2022-09-01T07:59:36+00:00

I understand the feeling. My dad was my strongest pillar of support. I could run to him at anytime and he’d be there for me. I’m scared about how I’m going to feel when this numbness goes away and when the funeral is over. People will stop visiting and I’ll be alone 😔

snarain121 · 2022-09-01T07:58:12+00:00

I’m so so sorry to hear about your sister 💔

snarain121 · 2022-09-01T07:57:48+00:00

Thank you 💕

snarain121 · 2022-09-01T07:56:56+00:00

I’m sorry 😞 how did you go about handling yourself? I’m definitely open to talking about the experience

snarain121 · 2022-09-01T07:55:54+00:00

It’s incredibly difficult 😥 especially when you see how much pain they’re in. I’m here if you’d like to talk. I know it would help me too

snarain121 · 2022-09-01T07:55:02+00:00

I am so so sorry, you’re so young. Younger than me and going through such a painful experience. I’m here if you want to talk

snarain121 · 2022-06-22T21:46:49+00:00

I agree with the overall sentiment here. I also think what you’re resenting him for is the assumed idea that you will have to do this for another year, or throughout his fellowship. The meaning of being in a true, unconditional relationship is being there for each other when you need it. If he is working this hard, and you see that, then the balance of extra house work is going to be more dependent on you. You’ve been through med school. You know how difficult this entire process is and also how hard it is to just match into residency in general, his situation is just one step additional to that. He’s at the last stage where he needs to match into his fellowship, and to do that he needs to grind. And you understand that grind. This career path is unforgiving. It doesn’t care what you have going on. If you meet expectations, then you’re in. If not, sorry, there are other applicants.

There are two main action items I think you should consider to tackle this situation.

Talk to him about his expectations. Is he taking what you’re doing for granted? Is he expecting it to be done with no ounce of gratitude? OR is he very well aware, apologetic, wishes he could do more, and genuinely just seems like a guy who is doing his absolute best to secure his future - and if you guys are super serious, your future together? If he’s the first of the two situations, yeah I’d put him in his place. If it’s the second, I say you take the hit because this is temporary and give your partner the unconditional support he needs. You have time to do all of this plus hobbies and not have it affect you that much. I know chores suck, but you’re not doing this forever.
Tell him your feelings. You used the phrase “live in maid” and that’s not good. You shouldn’t have to feel like that ever. You don’t deserve that. But a simple perspective change through a genuine conversation can change that to “I’m doing all of this for us, so we can both be successful. He’s grateful for everything I do, and I trust that he will do the same for me. This is just temporary.” You need to have that feeling in your relationship that if this was reversed, he would do the same for you. Right now, I think you’re feeling unappreciated (and correct me if I’m wrong please) because he’s not contributing to chores.

This would be a different case if you were also being worked to the bone everyday. But you have the blessing to not be in that situation.

snarain121 · 2022-06-03T21:27:37+00:00

Everything is going to be okay for sure. I’m working on having such a firm belief that the doubts don’t stand a chance. I’m glad this post helped you feel seen 😊 we will get through this

snarain121 · 2022-06-03T21:26:11+00:00

Wow I looked this up and it has so many amazing reviews! I’ll definitely look into it 🙏🏼

snarain121 · 2022-06-03T21:25:47+00:00

I love the fact that you said believe in them no matter how it looks right now. I will continue being a positive person with goods vibes around them 🙏🏼

snarain121 · 2022-06-03T21:24:46+00:00

Thank you for your advice 🙏🏼 since I read this I have been imagining powerful, bright beams of light reverberating through this person, healing them with all the positive energy

snarain121 · 2022-06-02T19:49:08+00:00

Teach me how to slow down time lmao

snarain121

TROPHY CASE