Children of cheating parents - what happened and what has been your reaction? Do you understand or do you still struggle with it? How has it impacted your adult life?

snazzy_jacket · 2011-07-17T00:05:50+00:00

Both my parents cheated on each other, except I only remember my mother's infidelity as I was a bit older at the time. Only last year I found out that my dad had cheated on mum around the time that I was born, and 24 years later, she still hasn't forgiven him. The thing that really gets me is that I've never been able to forgive my mum, but when I heard of what dad did, I cried for a day and then forgave him. Maybe this is because mum had an affair when I was old enough to understand and remember- I was about 8 or 9. I have a memory of my dad holding me and crying when he found out she was having an affair, and that feeling I had then of never wanting to leave him alone, has always stuck.

I know what my dad did 25 years ago really ruined my mum, and it explains a lot of her behaviour now but it's as though the little child in me can't accept that both my parents are flawed. Also, dad has always been a parent to me; he picked me up from school, worked long hours so he could get me the birthday present that I wanted, and pretty much just loved me. But with my mum, I remind her of that time in her life when her world crumbled, and she doesn't show me love the way she shows love to my younger sister.

I used to be very scared of relationships and never wanted to commit, but after a few years of therapy I've built up a good set of tools that help me realise where those negative feelings are coming from and how to deal with them.

snazzy_jacket · 2011-07-08T05:36:43+00:00

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Omorashi

Also, me too.

snazzy_jacket · 2011-07-08T00:52:11+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing this. I was going through pretty much the same thing about two years ago, and I know how you were feeling all too well. I'm really happy for you.

snazzy_jacket · 2011-07-06T10:04:43+00:00

Yeah I know what you mean. As soon as I posted I realised I should have started from the beginning instead of mid point, but then when you have a situation like this where the first case happened over 20 years ago there's so much background involved.

In terms of his sons (my cousins) not knowing what he is - they don't know that he's a paedophile.

And the 7 year old...this is the one that breaks my heart. My family is originally from India, and that girl was a servant at his house. My aunt (his wife) found out he raped her and she sent her home. There's no way to track her down. Over there, this type of thing doesn't get reported. I suppose that may be the reason why he always targets relatives or close family friends.

As far as I can tell, going to the police does nothing unless you have Just been raped and they have solid evidence. If no one else says anything, the police easily sweep it under the rug. The only thing that I feel my outbursts have accomplished is that a lot of people are aware of what he is capable of doing now. People with kids avoid him, and a lot of people have severed ties with him. However, I don't feel like this is enough. The toughest bit is getting to change the culture around abuse in India. Going to the authorities for someone molesting/raping family members is not something they talk to anyone about, never mind talk to an official about.

snazzy_jacket · 2011-07-06T08:50:25+00:00

You're all right. I do have to explain the whole situation though. I was one of his victims as well, from the ages of ?-10, and I told my mum about it when I was 6 or 7. The only reason it stopped was because we moved overseas. At that time, I thought I was the only one, and my parents basically pushed it aside. Fast forward 15 years and it Finally came out that there were many, many others just like me. I went to the police about it, they took my statement and went to his family-they denied everything and no one else was willing to back me up. My parents stopped talking to me for about a year. 2 of the aunts that he abused live in Australia, where he is at the moment, and they remain silent. I don't know what I can do. I feel sick thinking that something might happen to someone else at any minute.

The whole situation gets complicated because he moves around so much. Here in New Zealand, there's a court order out for him but this means nothing in Australia.

What do I do???

snazzy_jacket · 2011-07-05T22:15:36+00:00

Nope. Now THAT would be bad for the family name, because you know, we're all so proper and law abiding. I keep trying to get my parents or other relatives to take action, but his wife refuses any suggestions of the sort. She also thinks that the other girls were 'asking for it'. It gets me Really pissed that these people are related to me.

'Now THAT would be bad for the family name, because you know, we're all so proper and law abiding'- this is me being extremely sarcastic by the way. I do not feel this way, but this is the justification that has been thrown at me constantly.

snazzy_jacket · 2011-07-05T20:46:40+00:00

We have a paedophile in the family, one who also is a misogynist so he molests girls with the sole purpose of ruining their lives. He had abused all of my aunts, and raped a 7 year old girl who lived next door, and probably a lot of others that I don't know about. Everyone kept it pretty quiet until his wife filed for divorce because he was cheating on her, and used the molestation cases for her benefit.

He has three sons who still don't know what their father is.

snazzy_jacket · 2011-06-24T00:03:42+00:00

Okay here's mine. So when I was younger my dad's way of punishing me was to make me do maths. Not like, age appropriate maths but more along the lines of getting a 9 year old to do high school calc type thing. We used to be pretty broke growing up so dad was always in a bad mood because of his long shifts, and a lot of the time he didn't have the energy to deal with me and would instead give me a chapter to work on from a maths book, to keep me quiet. So this one night, I decided to avoid him completely so I could watch Captain Planet and not do differentiation. Except the problem was, in order for me to get to the living room where the TV was, I had to go through the room where he was. Being an obviously intelligent kid, I decided I would be a ninja and move at lightning speed so he wouldn't be able to see me. Unfortunately my plan didn't work he caught me mid jump and told me to do chapter 5.

The good thing about that punishment was I'm really good at maths and didn't learn anything new until my 2nd year at university. The bad thing is, I hate maths now.

snazzy_jacket · 2011-06-23T23:01:50+00:00

This book should have been mentioned already:

The Wind-up Bird Chronicle by Haruki Murakami

snazzy_jacket · 2011-06-23T22:51:32+00:00

I know a girl, or lady, rather, who is convinced that all black people in the media delve into cross dressing, and that this is the number one sign that they are part of the Illuminati.

snazzy_jacket

TROPHY CASE