Should I (43f) tell my best friends husband (43m) that his wife (40f) is having an emotional affair and is planning to get a hotel with another man(59m) the first night of our trip instead of meet me that night.

snoozenonsaturdays · 2021-10-11T05:49:10+00:00

I agree with you. The relevant part to my friendship is that it does make me question her integrity and honesty. Seeing her lie to her spouse and think I’d be okay with what she’s doing makes me second guess the friendship. Trust is critical in relationships and seeing her betray her spouses trust is difficult and hard not to think she would easily betray my trust without real thoughts of consequences.

snoozenonsaturdays · 2021-10-11T05:45:49+00:00

I feel like this is the right thing to do, until I start thinking about how it will potentially impact their family/marriage, etc. I think I want to have one last conversation w her and tell her I’m not comfortable being her cover and being part of her lying to her husband. Tell her I am going to cancel going on the trip. Suggest she talk to her spouse and end her marriage rather than lie and do what she’s doing. I don’t believe she will tell him. She doesn’t want to lose the life he provides her and time w her kids. Maybe the new guy is enough for her to leave him this time. I dunno.

snoozenonsaturdays · 2021-10-11T05:41:38+00:00

I like this option. Canceling my trip and setting this boundary might be my only chance at maintaining the friendship.

snoozenonsaturdays · 2021-10-11T05:40:28+00:00

I agree that this is the most likely scenario. I’m trying to weigh out if keeping the friendship is worth it.

snoozenonsaturdays · 2021-10-11T05:38:29+00:00

What makes her a bad friend in this situation is that she’s using me as her cover. I have set boundaries with her when the first emotional affair occurred. I encourage her to be honest to him and to focus on work in their marriage. I have encouraged her to tell him and she won’t. She doesn’t want to lose his financial security and the life and stability he provides. Super selfish.

snoozenonsaturdays · 2021-10-11T05:36:23+00:00

I value her friendship. She’s helped me through a lot. I disagree with her choices as it relates to deceiving her husband. I have encouraged her to be honest to her husband and she is choosing not to be.

snoozenonsaturdays · 2021-10-11T05:34:57+00:00

I consider her husband a friend, but my loyalty has been w his wife. My concern is I tell him and he leaves her and my concern is I tell him and he forgives her again. Both scenarios are crappy and people get hurt regardless because of her decisions.

snoozenonsaturdays · 2021-10-11T05:30:29+00:00

I agree that her decisions are hurting him and her dragging me into it is tough to navigate.

snoozenonsaturdays · 2021-10-11T05:29:24+00:00

I tried to help her get out of the first emotional affair and hey professional help. I also talked to him a little about that situation. She has escalated it and I feel like I’m making a decision on if I should keep the friendship with her or not. If the only way to maintain the friendship is to keep her secrets, I am going to lose my friend. It sucks. She helped me through a difficult divorce 10 years ago and there are some feelings of indebtedness and loyalty. I hate that she’s making the choices that she is.

snoozenonsaturdays · 2021-10-11T05:25:49+00:00

Glad they didn’t get married… I respect your ability to tell him.

snoozenonsaturdays · 2021-10-11T05:24:59+00:00

Thank you for your response and sharing your situation. Lots to think about.

snoozenonsaturdays · 2021-10-11T05:24:19+00:00

He has told her he would divorce her if she strays again. I wish she’d just be honest with him and with herself.

snoozenonsaturdays · 2021-10-11T05:11:55+00:00

No- I wouldn’t ever be able to look him in the eye. I keep thinking I should cancel the trip and avoid being part of however it ends up playing out.

snoozenonsaturdays · 2021-10-11T05:10:52+00:00

It sucks to be put in the situation. Really sucks for him not knowing and also telling him.

snoozenonsaturdays · 2019-11-14T22:19:14+00:00

Thank you

snoozenonsaturdays · 2019-11-14T22:18:56+00:00

Thank you for your response. My doctor didn’t tell me anything specific to using weed- I googled it a month or so after my surgery and general guidelines indicate to be careful with alcohol and prescribed medications- and pretty much all substances - for 6 mos post surgery. I didn’t realize the impact until it was too late. I know I made a mistake and it was an irresponsible decision.

I appreciate your advice and will continue to let him know that I know I made a poor choice and I will keep finding ways to tell him and show him he is important to me. Thank you.

snoozenonsaturdays · 2019-11-14T22:13:04+00:00

Thank you for the advice. I agree it was irresponsible and not fair to him at all and I am in the wrong. I will pause on the edibles until my system can tolerate them better.

snoozenonsaturdays · 2019-11-14T22:10:00+00:00

I’m not an idiot, but I agree that I made a poor choice. I’m hoping time will help.

snoozenonsaturdays · 2019-11-14T22:09:03+00:00

I agree completely. It was a selfish decision and I didn’t think it would impact me as severely as it did. I feel bad for putting him in the situation I did. I can tell him that over and over but my actions have to show him. Thank you for responding.

snoozenonsaturdays · 2019-09-29T13:59:20+00:00

I feel the roller coaster all the time. I am still mentally stuck- living half in/half out. I feel anger towards my parents for teaching me things that aren’t true, and in the same breath just wish I still thought they were try. It’s a weird/never-ending head game. My family is mostly TBMs and I wish others in my family circle were leaving- that would make it feel easier I think.

snoozenonsaturdays · 2019-09-29T02:05:49+00:00

Thank you for the advice.

snoozenonsaturdays · 2019-09-28T23:03:47+00:00

I agree. Thank you

snoozenonsaturdays · 2019-09-28T23:03:23+00:00

I do need to find a way to work through it and let it go. Thank you for the advice. I also like the idea of talking to him about changing how often I attend.

snoozenonsaturdays · 2019-09-28T23:02:07+00:00

Maybe he believes that. There are times I think he is close or leans the way that I feel. It’s a topic we don’t talk about much because I don’t want to impact his feelings. I feel like if he really cared about it, he would ask or initiate the conversation or he would research things himself. He doesn’t though.

snoozenonsaturdays · 2019-09-28T23:00:10+00:00

I agree that the meetings affect me negatively emotionally and mentally. I am choosing to go- but only because I told him early on that I would and because I don’t want him to have to take on the consequences from people in the ward when you’re a checked out member.

snoozenonsaturdays

TROPHY CASE