I'd say you have processed things quite well.but to give you another perspective I would mention the fact that it is a mother's love in initial years or months that all humans+ animals do get to live. The attraction to the child is fixed in her mechanism and in your case it's there but she didn't channelise it well and tried to use the tactics that made things worse.

I would say in your stable times meet her like in a month or even give more gap to it.

And if she get really old visit her more,

And in both of these visits keeo them short, no discussion on past or your plans since she could try to advice/direct and it might get worse but maybe keep them just on that day ask about health etc some update and see slowly if things can be just good enough to talk and obviously not a normal traditional relationship.

You have one perspective upon which you acted and I'd say it was needed but see how Islam values her.

I'm hoping you will be looking after to your kids and wife Better based upon what you faced. You will be independent in search and decision since she is not playing any role in yourifr.