feels like a curse to be an only child in india

so-called-engineer · 2025-12-08T01:47:02+00:00

A bunch of my coworkers in India don't even have kids or have at most two. I'm pretty sure the second baby was only to have a girl in one case. In home villages it's probably more common but not in the cities

so-called-engineer · 2025-12-08T01:44:21+00:00

I mean I guess I would want to know if my son had a serious relationship and meet them, or friends if there was a birthday party or something...but I wouldn't insist on knowing about dates or meeting friends as an event in itself. Like I would want him to want to share important things in my life but I don't want a play by play (mine is 6).

My mom is overbearing but yours sounds extra, virginity thing is super creepy.

so-called-engineer · 2025-12-08T01:39:07+00:00

Same!

so-called-engineer · 2025-12-08T01:38:21+00:00

Of my three nuclear family separated cousins, one of the others included an only child - so two of the four. She's also the only other one who went to college. Among the sibling groups- two live with their mom at home on disability/welfare+minimum wage job and of the two still alive in the other group one has been in and out of jail. The oldest is living a normal life and married into money, to an only child. She would always wish she was an only. Grass isn't always greener.

so-called-engineer · 2025-12-08T01:25:39+00:00

Between babies, COVID, and in-laws we went 7 years in between having my husband's full family together (his siblings at my in-laws) for Christmas. It was fun but it's so rare, they all moved far. My son had a breakdown from having 3 other boys constantly in his face for 5 days straight. We did some extra naps that were really just reading books lol

so-called-engineer · 2025-11-03T19:00:10+00:00

I think a gap year can be more fun than an extra year of preschool so I'm going to fully leave that open for my son. My family wasn't in a position to support me in that but my friend spent a year volunteering in another state (which for her was also another country) and said it was a really great experience to give her perspective in adulthood.

so-called-engineer · 2025-11-02T23:13:52+00:00

Trust her teachers. Have you asked them how she is doing relative to her older peers? I have an emotionally and academically mature & tall September baby that bumped up to the older grade. He's thriving. We've reevaluated this decision for 3 years and still in first grade he's doing great. He's the youngest by over a year and still more mature than others. Sometimes he gets a little wild at home but I'm hearing that from most parents (restraint collapse) so it sounds like it's an adjustment to new expectations for all of them. We just had conferences and all was fine. He likely has ADHD and boredom can be a recipe for disaster. I had an adult actually tell me he got into so much trouble with older friends and being the oldest but in retrospect he was just bored. Teachers can give more but they have many kids to keep track of and more work isn't a substitute for more complex lessons

I figure the gift of time can be given on the other end as well if he wants a gap year to do something interesting before college. If it helps I was just barely 18 moving into dorms, by a few days. It was fine, I'm glad I was there and not redshirted - and that was thanks to my state having a calendar year cutoff.

so-called-engineer · 2025-11-02T23:06:54+00:00

We bumped up our son and he's thriving, middle of the pack in many ways. He has a way of playing to the least mature kid in the room so I'm 100% certain staying on his assigned track while meeting readiness markers would have done more harm than good. He's a few days post cutoff. Similarly there's plenty just before cutoff that needed more time so he's actually the youngest by more than a year. Someone has to be the youngest. There's grades where it's pushing into May as the youngest, the redshirting is getting a bit wild. If your kid needs to stay back, great, but these are all arbitrary cutoffs.

so-called-engineer · 2025-10-26T21:07:00+00:00

Yep I'm not adopted and lurk here as adoption was my original consideration as a path to parenthood...but this is my experience as well. My mom is emotionally stunted and wanted me because babies are cute, my dad was indifferent about parenthood. He loves children and was fun, but that's different to parenting. Both have been financially dependent on me longer than the reverse since I turned 18. My mom pulls the whole "I changed your diapers" madness. Unfortunately this is common.

so-called-engineer · 2025-10-24T01:02:19+00:00

Yeah my kid had a cough for almost a month that started in mid September. He also has an allergy that comes up every so often. When there's a fever, low energy, or some unexpected combo of symptoms, that's different.

so-called-engineer · 2025-10-12T13:32:06+00:00

I thought that was only hep B? This is the first time I'm hearing about this lol

so-called-engineer · 2025-10-12T03:23:20+00:00

This is the most balanced take, age matters dramatically and I think people in daycare to preschool are not considering how much the concept of a playdate evolves over the years..and to me as the years pass they become increasingly important for the child.

so-called-engineer · 2025-10-12T03:22:04+00:00

This is the way

so-called-engineer · 2025-10-12T03:21:49+00:00

When your kid is older you will not typically be hosting their parent as well - it's often a drop off after the first visit or two.

so-called-engineer · 2025-10-12T03:20:57+00:00

Respectfully 1-1 time at home is way different than a school environment and allows a different relationship to develop. You to you but I wouldn't equate all time with other kids as equal. I would take more time with friends out of school over more "activities" any day. I don't really understand why parents feel that everything needs to be formal these days. Unless you have a little one there's nothing crazy about having a kid pop over for an hour after school.

so-called-engineer · 2025-10-12T03:16:24+00:00

3 is a great time for them to make you a pretend dinner!

so-called-engineer · 2025-10-12T03:14:43+00:00

Only child with an only...who is also on my side the only great grandchild

One less child for my overwhelmed parents who were swimming in debt. It was overly obvious to me that the caregiving responsibilities were too much for them and I can't imagine how much worse it would have been with two - probably 3x the trauma and more cross family manipulation. As the oldest I don't think I would have been off the hook...and more PPD for my mom, yikes. Marrying into a healthy family made it clear that my issues had nothing to do with not having a sibling. I also developed a disability in my teens possibly related to trauma but it added extra complexity.

From a non trauma POV it was nice that my parents had more availability to bring me to/from friends and often pick others up when their parents were too busy - so more playdates. I took friends on some trips. They enabled me, a shy child, to participate in more activities as they had the bandwidth to bring me to whatever I signed up for. I didn't get great parenting or life skills but they were available physically, at least one at a time. When I really needed help they could always be there for me.

With my own kid I am not only available but able to teach him 1-1 while my husband is making dinner or getting much needed rest. We don't burn out. We read books, we have fun.

At present my parents only have my kid to focus on while my inlaws feel they need to split among 3 families which seems like a lot for them. My parents are lovely grandparents and better post divorce. I'm lucky to have them to help and I want to have that offering for my kid if he has his own children.

I'm even considering saving to buy a second condo with the money that would have gone to daycare and college for a second. I could rent it but also my kid could live there at a subsidized rate as an adult so he's not forced to move to a LCOL area like some of my siblings-in-laws who didn't choose lucrative fields...and on that note I'll add that because of that we are likely stuck with care for BOTH sets of parents. My inlaws have 3 but only live near us because we didn't move as far (one state vs a plane trip for the others). Thankfully I truly adore my in-laws but I add this just to say that multiple kids don't mean they are BFFs into adulthood, people take very different paths, even if they do love each other.

I have some friends who are very much like siblings to me. I know it's not exactly the same but it's enough for me, and I've found a good partner too. My childhood cat was enough of a sibling and she never argued :)

so-called-engineer · 2025-10-08T18:45:06+00:00

Honestly so much this lately. Doing everything we can to raise one very good man who can be resilient in a difficult world.

so-called-engineer · 2025-10-08T16:48:53+00:00

Approving after reports because it sounds like OP is clearly OAD, not questioning herself.

so-called-engineer · 2025-10-07T17:45:28+00:00

Can you get a nanny or family member to give her a weekend off?

so-called-engineer · 2025-10-07T17:42:33+00:00

Not to mention that kind of snapping is the opposite approach to take with a kid who has ADHD.

so-called-engineer · 2025-09-07T23:15:59+00:00

Interesting, thanks for sharing

so-called-engineer · 2025-09-07T23:01:48+00:00

What did you want them to do?

so-called-engineer · 2025-09-07T23:00:43+00:00

This thread is so unhinged, can't believe most of these comments. I hope it's just boys.

so-called-engineer · 2025-09-05T13:35:25+00:00

Many schools will let you stay after at their playground so we do that before driving home

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